Dancing with the Stars Recap: Somebody Owes Me 20 Bucks

I ain't gloatin', but didn't I say Donny would win that trophy? I'm just saying.

Anyway, last Tuesday, Donny Osmond was crowned the winner of season 9 of "Dancing with the Stars". It was a mild surprise, considering Mya had put up the best scores of the season week in and week out. However, Donny came on like a thoroughbred down the homestretch, so I guess it wasn't all too surprising that he won.

Especially since the majority of the voting demographic is right up his alley.

Real talk, one of the only reasons I'm writing this recap is because one of the members of said demographic, Baseball Mom, has been pestering me about it. It's not that I soured on the show or anything; it's just that I figured by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, everyone had heard the news. And since it was the last show and there were no more predictions for me to make, I figured there wasn't much of a post to be written.

Well, I have a few things to say (shocker):

-- Donny probably had the best partner of the season. Kym Johnson put together routines that benefited his strengths (showmanship, charisma, slow dances) and attempted to shy away from his weaknesses (quick steps, intricate routines). In a situation like the final, where he and Mya were so close, the difference between the partners made all the difference.

-- Allowing Donny to sing "Puppy Love" during Louie Vito and Chelsie Hightower's last dance was not fair. Once he showed off those pipes, all of the 45-60-year-old women in America fell in love with Donny again and would have voted for him even if he had fallen three times during the final dance...

(**note: as a reader pointed out, Donny sang "Puppy Love" on the results show after the dance finale, so voting was closed. Thus, it didn't affect the voting at all. My bad.**)

-- ...which he didn't. His final dance, a freestyle, was outstanding. The Broadway-themed routine accented his best assets as a dancer and shied away from his limits. If there was a dance that was perfectly crafted to its entertainer, this was it. Nicely done, Kym.

-- I felt bad for Kelly Osbourne. Yes, she was happy to be there so it's not like she was a huge disappointment; but she finished 3rd in everything that night. Mya and Donny were so far ahead of her that the thought of her winning never crossed anyone's mind. That's another reason I hoped Joanna would make the final instead of Kelly; at least there would have been a bit of doubt amongst the three as opposed to the two-horse race we got.

-- I understand that it's fun to bring back all of the season's contestants and allow them to dance one last time, but it was a bit much. There's a reason we voted them off: we didn't want to see them anymore (for the record, I never voted (no, really, I didn't; I swear), but I say 'we' because I felt like I was a part of the DWTS crowd this season. I watched every episode and made my predictions each week just like everyone else. So there). Having them in the crowd would have been enough; I didn't need to be inundated with their old performances again. Let the finalists have another go-'round instead.

-- Calling Baseball Mom after the verdict was handed down was essentially the same as calling her after she won the lottery. "DONNY WON!!!!! DONNY WON!!!! DONNY WON!!!!" was all I heard for about 2 minutes and 16 seconds. And you know what? That's definitely better than trying to think of a way to cheer her up had Mr. Osmond lost. "I love you, Mom" really wouldn't have meant much at that point.

-- Overall, I enjoyed the season. Will I watch the show again? Probably not. It's a huge time commitment with all of the episodes, so unless you have a horse in the race, it becomes monotonous. However, should any of my favorite celebrities get on a future season, I'll certainly check in. Regardless, I thought it was interesting to watch all of the routines come together and then see if they could be performed well on "show night". The celebrities seemed to work very hard and all of them were competitive about the contest. I liked it, I really did.

And with that, I'm handing in my "Dancing with the Stars" critic's pen. The season has been long and winding (I feel like I started watching back in June, to be honest), but certainly delivered some solid entertainment along the way. I'm glad Donny one because a.) I told you he would and b.) I can go home and see Baseball Mom without any unforeseen issues now.

As we all know, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

~~ Lank