Yes, I stole this headline (and picture). But, honestly, it was just too good to pass up. Between Tiger Woods not choosing to reveal any information about his strange Thanksgiving night accident, and then choosing to lie about his affairs afterward, it was just too fitting a title.
Usually, Tiger does better with a bad lie (a-thank you; more to come).
Look, I’m not gonna sit here and talk about whether or not Tiger’s privacy is being invaded (it is), or whether he should be forced to talk about what transpires in his personal life (he shouldn’t), but I am gonna sit here and tell you that this story is funny to me. Not funny in a “oh, he cheated on his wife; that’s funny” type of way; but more in a “the details and stories that are emerging right now about Tiger’s situation make me laugh” sort of way.
Did you hear the message he left on girl #3’s voicemail? Hilarious. When you end a message of that nature by saying “Huge. Quickly. Bye.” that is funny. When you hear about an empty golf cart, with two golf clubs inside, being parked next to Tiger’s crashed Escalade, that’s funny.
By making it out of my driveway safely this morning, I outdrove Tiger Woods.
According to reports, when the police arrived, Tiger was barefoot and snoring on the street. Can you picture the richest athlete in the world barefoot and snoring on a blacktop? Again, funny. Some reports have even said that his mother and mother-in-law came outside to survey the scene once they heard the commotion. Not smooth, El Tigre; not at all.
Tiger hit a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between the iron and the wood.
The reports have gotten ridiculous now, with new “details” about alleged affairs popping up all over. And stuff about his wife hitting him with a golf club once she caught him texting another woman. Is any of it true? Who knows; I certainly don’t. Tiger doesn’t owe me any sort of explanation for what happened that night. I watch him because he’s a good golfer, not because I think he’s an exemplary human being. However, if he wanted to clear up any rumors or misconceptions about what went down that evening, his best way to do that would be to come out and tell everyone what happened. Sometimes the only way to kill a story is to tell the truth (see: Pettitte, Andy).
We know Tiger won’t do this, but with girls left and right coming out of the “Woodswork” to claim that they had some sort of relationship with him, it might be the only option he has to salvage a once sterling reputation.
~~ Lank
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