Friday Night Picks: October 30th

Wisconsin (-7) vs. Purdue

Indiana (+17.5) at Iowa

Oregon State (-8.5) vs. UCLA

UNLV (+33) at TCU

Oklahoma State (+9) vs. Texas

New Orleans (-10) vs. Atlanta

Jacksonville (+3) at Tennessee

Miami (+4) at New York Jets

Seattle (+11) at Dallas

Houston (-3) at Buffalo

~~ Lank

Welcome Back, Double Nickel

I can't promise that I won't post something similar to this (or maybe the exact same post, who knows) in the weeks to come. I can promise, however, that you'll enjoy it every single time.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I join you in welcoming Jason Williams (aka Double Nickel aka White Chocolate) back to the NBA. In case you've forgotten about J-Dub, allow me to provide you with some material to jog your memory:

After retiring before the season last year, Williams realized he wanted to come back and play again, but due to league rules, he was ineligible to play until the beginning of the 2009-2010 season. This somehow slipped my mind when I was doing my NBA Preview the other day, but I was quickly reminded of what I'd been missing. While scouring box scores and updates across the League Wednesday night, I stumbled across Orlando's destruction of Philadelphia and noticed that Williams was playing as if he'd never left. No rust, no cobwebs; nothing. Just some good ol' fashioned roundball being played by Double Nickel himself. Despite the fact that he's a Florida Gator, I've always enjoyed having him in the league and look forward to seeing him play again this year, even if he's put his White Chocolate playground persona in the closet for a more grownup, steady style of playing point guard.

Hey, it won him a title in 2006 with the Heat, so I can't hate; but I sure wouldn't mind seeing some behind-the-back passes and crossover dribbles again.

~~ Lank

Spelling Charlotte Without An O

Look, I’ll be the first to tell you that I wasn’t expecting much from the Charlotte Bobcats this year. I picked them to finish 11th in the East, mostly due to the fact that they don’t have many players that can put the ball in the basket. You can have all of the schemes and plays and sets that you want, but at the end of the day, you need a guy (or three) that can fill it up on the offensive end. Trading Emeka Okafor for Tyson Chandler was obviously a cost-cutting measure to make the team’s finances more appealing to a potential buyer (current owner Bob Johnson is selling the team), but it made them much less appealing from a basketball standpoint.

Exhibit A: Wednesday night’s opening game loss at Boston in which the Bobcats scored 59 points. No, not in a half. In the entire game.

Charlotte didn’t score 20 points in a single quarter and only scored 10 points in the 3rd. They shot 31% from the field, and only had two players make more than half of their field goal attempts. It was terrible. The Lankster had a busy night last night with the Spurs playing the Hornets on ESPN and the World Series on Fox, so I had to throw in some Bobcat time whenever one of those games was on a commercial (I have two TVs in my living room; it’s legit). In a way, the Bobcats did me a favor because once it became clear that they had no chance of winning and were well on their way to establishing a new franchise record for futility, I no longer had to change channels.

To put things in perspective, I did a little research for you. Last night, 8 different teams scored at least 59 points in a half (the Bobcats’ total for the game), 15 different teams scored at least 31 in a quarter (the Bobcats’ highest output in a half), and 14 different teams got at least 59 points from only their three highest scorers (which the Bobcats got from their entire roster). I know Boston is a good defensive team and it was their home opener, but my goodness; how does something like the ineptitude the Bobcats showed last night happen?

Friday night, I’m headed to the Queen City to see the Bobcats’ home opener against the New York Knickerbockers. The good news is that the Knicks are garbage and gave up 115 points to a not-that-good-on-offense Miami Heat team in their opener. The bad news is that the Bobcats scored 59 points in their opener at Boston. Once again, fifty-nine.

Did somebody say Charltte Bbcats?

~~ Lank

"Modern Family" = Modern Hilarity

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I try to add a few new shows to my television viewing schedule each fall. Some only last a few episodes (Smith, Life, Pushing Daisies) while others last for seasons (Friday Night Lights, House, CSI). If the first few episodes are any indication, I’m really hoping that “Modern Family” falls in the latter category.

It’s a complicated show to describe, but an easy show to follow. Here’s my best attempt to describe it: A middle-aged man (Jay) has remarried a much younger Latina (Gloria) and is helping her raise her pre-teen son (Manny). Jay’s daughter (Claire) is married to a self-proclamied “cool dad” (Phil) and their parenting styles clash while raising three adolescent children of their own (Luke, Alex, and Haley). Jay’s son, Claire’s brother (Mitchell) is a gay man who is living with his boyfriend (Cameron), and they’ve recently adopted a Vietnamese toddler (Lily). Got all that? I didn’t think so. Just watch it; you’ll figure it out in no time.

The beauty of the show lies in the chemistry of the cast, as every scene seems to bring out plenty of comedy while also showing plenty of heart. The jokes aren’t superficial or crude, they’re just really funny. Most of the laughs come from the normal interactions between family members rather than one person hating on another. Most comedies these days resort to cheap jokes or sexual innuendos to get a laugh out of the audience. “Modern Family” succeeds in bringing humor to real situations that seem perfectly plausible. Disagreements between in-laws, awkward moments in front of family members, naïve assumptions; they’re all in play as the family bickers in a loving sort of way.

Phil and Jay are my favorite characters. Phil attempts to be the “cool dad” while using slang or behaving in a way that is abnormal for his age is hilarious. Some of his phrases are inherently quotable (i.e. to Claire: “the whole point of keeping it real is taking it to the next level. Did you really not know that?”), and provide humorous scenes week after week. We’ve all had moments when our parents tried to be cool or say something to us that sounded completely weird coming out of their mouths, so it’s funny to see that caricature acted out on TV. Jay, played by Ed O’Neill, who starred as Al Bundy on “Married With Children”, is the rich old guy who is set in his ways to a t. There are plenty of times where he seems agitated by the whole gang yet tries to get over it to support them…and fails to do so. His performance resembles an older, crankier Al Bundy, which is perfect for the role.

The other night, my roommate’s girlfriend and I were watching TV while he was in his room studying (he’s in law school so he’s kind of a big deal). When I asked her if she wanted to watch the episode of “Modern Family” that I’d recorded, she said she’d give it a try (she’d never seen it before). Less than a minute after I started the recording, she was laughing out loud. Phil’s antics, Lily’s cuteness, Jay’s grumpiness, and Mitchell and Cameron’s back-and-forth banter had her rolling. Once the episode was over, she asked, “when does the show come on? I need to add it to my DVR.” I’m confident that if you watch just a single episode you’ll be hooked just like she is now.

Oh, and for the record, “Modern Family” airs Wednesday nights at 9 pm on ABC. Thank me later.

~~ Lank

Dancing with the Stars Recap: Week 6

Not exactly the best week for ol' Lank. There was a double elimination on Tuesday, and two of my favorite couples were given the boot. Melissa Joan Hart and Mark Ballas, and Louie Vito and Chelsie Hightower were shown the door after being voted off by the fans and losing in a dance-off, respectively. The lowest vote-getter was Hart, who was eliminated immediately. From there, Louie and Michael (the next two lowest vote-getters) were forced to do another dance at the end of the show, with the judges then deciding who would stay and who would go. Michael danced his samba better than Louie did his jive, and was asked to leave bye the judges. (Sigh.) Now it's on to rooting for Donny for Baseball Mom's emotional well-being. That's all I have left. (Another sigh.) As for everyone else...

Mya and Dmitry Chaplin - Finally, something Mya can't do flawlessly. Dancing the jitterbug, she looked uncomfortable and never really had the flow or rhythm that she and Dmitry normally share. She's obviously a talented dancer and is in no danger of leaving the show anytime soon, but her effort this week reminds everyone that these dances are hard and sometimes cannot be mastered in a week. Or, in Michael's case, six weeks.

Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff - Aaron danced a waltz this week, and as I mentioned last week, slow dances aren't his forte. However, he wowed the judges with his control and actually received the second-highest score of the week with a 25. Much better than his living-on-the-edge behavior of late, and he wasn't in the bottom two for the first time in two weeks. Coincidence? Nope, not at all.

Mark Dacascos and Lacey Schwimmer - Mark's growing on me. I haven't been the most complimentary guy in the world when it comes to his dance moves, but this week, he was the only one for whom I actually applauded once he was finished with his jitterbug (sorry, Mom). The chemistry between he and Lacey is growing by the week and, all of a sudden, he's no longer a threat to be eliminated...for now. He's got some improving to do if he wants to dance with the big guns, but so far, so good.

Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova - Following up his season-high score of 21 last week, Michael threw up a 20 this week to show some consistency. His waltz was a little uneven and lacked flair, but he did a good job with his steps and commanded the crowd, as usual. The dance-off victory was big for him because despite his enormous fan support, he'll get bit soon if he doesn't show better moves. You know, since the whole point of the show is to dance well and all.

Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough - Remember how I asked to give her a mulligan last week? It's a good thing, because she tore it up this week. Her waltz with Derek (welcome back) was elegant and sharp, giving her the high score of the week with a 26. The girl can dance and seems to be captivating the crowd one week at a time, so it'll be interesting to see how the female showdown between she and Mya plays out as we get closer to the finale. Who am I betting on? Mya, but I reserve the right to change my mind. Hey, you asked, I just gave you an honest answer.

Kelly Osbourne and Louis van Amstel - Well, at least now we know that Kelly isn't good at the jitterbug. She's been playing the underdog role all season long and has been surprisingly good at a number of dances, both fast and slow. However, her jitterbug was awkward and she didn't really seem to enjoy herself. The good news is that despite her relatively lackluster performance, she wasn't in the bottom two (or even the bottom three) and lives to fight another day. We'll see what happens next week, but she's safe for now.

Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson - Donny and Kym also drew the jitterbug this week and did a fast-paced number. There was some interesting choreography and the energy level was definitely high. Not Donny's best performance, but the crowd was into it and he got yet another standing ovation once he was finished. There was no doubt that he was safe during the elimination episode, but that didn't keep Baseball Mom from telling me that she was nervous until it was announced that he was coming back next week. Mom, Donny's killing it this season; I'll be sure to let you know when you should be nervous. For now, just sit back, relax, and enjoy the performances he's giving.

~~ Lank

World Series Preview

I, for one, am really excited about this year’s World Series. Don’t get me wrong, I watch the World Series every year and love baseball in general, but not every Series in recent years has gotten me excited. The Rays were a fun story last year, but Philadelphia seemed better; ditto the Rockies/Red Sox fiasco in ’07. I was jacked in 2006 because Willie P’s beloved Cardinals were the underdogs against a very good Detroit team. 2005 brought us the Astros and the White Sox, which isn’t exactly a Series etched in the collective memory of baseball fans. So, you see, it’s rare that you can get a matchup between two very, very good teams that has the potential to take all seven games to settle. I honestly think the Yankees-Phillies series is going to be tremendous. They both have remarkable lineups, solid-to-great starting pitching, and a champions’ swagger to them. We could be witnessing history here, folks, and I can’t wait to watch it unfold.

Yankees Offense: Let’s be honest, there’s a lot to like here. Derek Jeter (.297 postseason BA, 9 runs scored) setting the table for Mark Teixeira and Alex Rodriguez (.438 postseason BA, 5 HR, 12 RBI, 10 runs scored) is about as good as it gets. Johnny Damon has had a resurgent year for the Yankees from the two-hole, and it’ll be interesting to see if he can continue to be another baserunner in front of the Yankees’ power hitters. Jorge Posada hasn’t had a great postseason, but he hasn’t been bad either with a .258 postseason BA and two homers. After those guys, there’s a bit of a drop-off with Hideki Matsui, Robinson Cano, and Nick Swisher, who haven’t hit very well this postseason. Matsui and Cano have proven to be good playoff hitters in the past, but they need to find their strokes soon if New York is to reach its potential.

Phillies Offense: One of the few offense is baseball that can rival New York’s, the Phillies have a complete lineup. 2007 NL MVP Jimmy Rollins gets on base and All-Stars Chase Utley (.303 postseason BA) and Ryan Howard (.355 postseason BA, 14 RBI) drive him in. Shane Victorino (.361 posteason BA, 8 runs scored) and Jayson Werth (5 HR, 10 RBI) provide another level of punch to the Philadelphia batting order. Raul Ibanez hasn’t hit well this postseason, but his 9 RBIs show that he’s still capable of driving in runs when the Phillies need him to. There is no shortage of pop on the Philly side of the field when it comes to offense. They score, and score a lot.

Yankees Defense: This is going to be an interesting facet to the series. Johnny Damon and Derek Jeter are no longer as swift as they once were, so will they be able to keep the loopers and bloops from falling in for singles? If CC Sabathia and company have to deal with extra baserunners that should have been out, it’s going to put increased pressure on them. It will be key for the Yankees to not only commit as few errors as possible, but to get to the in-between balls and make sure that they’re outs instead of hits. The Phillies can score plenty on their own; they don’t need help adding baserunners.

Phillies Defense: This is an area where I think the Phillies have an advantage. Shane Victorino is a great centerfielder and will be able to cut out some potential extra-base hits for New York. Raul Ibanez and Jayson Werth aren’t great corner outfielders, but they are solid and shouldn’t commit any gaffes that will cost their team. Jimmy Rollins is about as good as it gets defensively at short, and Chase Utley completes a great tandem up the middle for Philly. Ryan Howard has improved greatly at first base since his rookie year and can bail out his teammates with digs and scoops. The Phillies have the advantage on defense.

Yankees Starting Rotation: As long as the series allows New York to pitch three guys, they’ll be fine. CC Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, and Andy Pettitte have been great for the Yankees this postseason and form a trio of great options for manager Joe Girardi. However, if we get some bad weather in New York and/or Philadelphia (imagine that) and games have to get pushed back, that could cause some problems. Chad Gaudin would most likely be the fourth starter, and that’s not something the Yankees want to see. As long as the three-headed monster is the only thing facing the Phillies, New York has to feel much better about its chances.

Phillies Starting Rotation: Cliff Lee, your boys need you. Lee has been masterful since coming over from Cleveland in a midseason deal, and he’ll need to set the tone again in Game 1. With Pedro Martinez throwing Game 2 and Cole Hamels throwing Game 3, there aren’t a lot of concrete answers coming the Phillies’ way any time soon. I love Pete as much as the next guy (except for Skip), but you can’t tell me what you’re going to get out of him on Thursday night. I could see 0 runs in 7 innings pitched, but I could also see 5 runs in 5 innings pitched. Hamels was lights-out last year as the NLCS and World Series MVP for Philadelphia, but has not resembled that same pitcher this year. If he can somehow manage to pull himself together for this series, it’d be a huge boost to the Phillies.

Yankees Bullpen: Joba Chamberlain. Phil Hughes. Damaso Marte. Remember those names, because those are the guys who will bridge the gap between the starters and closer Mariano Rivera. Rivera is about as money as it gets in the playoffs, and the starting pitching has been good, so as long as the bridge between the two isn’t filled with potholes, the Yankees will be in good shape. Chamberlain has only allowed one run this postseason (in 3.1 innings of work), which bodes well for New York. They need him to be strong. Hughes was roughed up in Game 5 against the Angels in the ALCS, but has been just about perfect the rest of the postseason. Marte is important because he’s one of the few left-handers out of the bullpen and will be called upon against the likes of Howard, Utley, and Ibanez. He has yet to give up a run this postseason and will need to continue that fine form for New York to have a chance in the late innings against the Philly offense.

Phillies Bullpen: This, ladies and gentlemen, is where the Phillies often get bit. Brad Lidge, after going perfect in save opportunities last year, blew 11 this season. He has been up-and-down all season long, but has been great in the postseason, only allowing one hit while recording 3 saves and a victory. Chad Durbin has two wins out of the ‘pen this postseason and has yet to allow a hit. His win in Game 5 of the NLCS sealed the victory for the Phillies and allowed them to rest up for the World Series. He’s been great. Chan Ho Park and Ryan Madson will also see work in the series, and they haven’t been dependable this postseason. Madson has two blown saves and Park’s ERA is 8.10. Needless to say, Philly fans won’t feel comfortable when either of them are handed the ball against the Yankees.

Final Prediction: Yankees in 7 After crunching the numbers, following my gut, and flipping a coin several times, I’ve decided to go with New York in a back-and-forth series. Their starting pitching is more dependable, their offense is just as good as Philly’s (if not better), and their bullpen is less likely to blow a game (or two). When it comes to winning championships in team sports, you need production from every facet of the squad. The Yankees have proven that they’re able to get such production, and I look for them to put forth a great team effort in the World Series and vanquish the Phillies in the maximum seven games.

~~ Lank

My Name Is Cedric. I Lead the NFL In Rushing

Affectionately known to Skip and me as “Big Ced,” Cedric Benson has made a name for himself this season by leading the NFL is rushing yards through 7 weeks with the Cincinnati Bengals. Despite being drafted 4th overall by Chicago way back in 2005 after a remarkably productive college career at Texas, Benson has never been able to get positive press for his exploits on the field. His DUI arrests, injury problems, and premature release from the Bears made headlines, but his on-the-field behavior did not.

That’s all changing now.

After a second arrest for an alcohol-related incident, Benson was waived by the Bears despite having only played three disappointing seasons for the team. After a Grand Jury failed to indict him on any charges, the Cincinnati Bengals, looking for a backup for their starter at the time, Chris Perry, took a chance on Benson. He was given a small situational role at first, but once injuries hampered Perry, Benson took control of the starting running back job. The Bengals were injury-riddled and undisciplined last year, but that didn’t stop Benson from running as hard as he would for a contender, impressing scouts and personnel people alike along the way. In the final three games of 2008, all Cincy wins, Benson rushed for 355 yards on 84 carries, showing that he could handle a full workload and still be productive.

Personally, this is where I think he got cheated in Chicago. At the University of Texas, Benson showed a burst and piled up huge yardage totals, but a lot of those were due to extensive workloads that showcased his durability and power. By giving him the ball 25-30 times a game, you’re only enhancing his abilities, as opposed to hurting them like some other backs without his stamina. The Bears tried to split his carries with Thomas Jones with an inside/outside combination in mind, but Benson doesn’t operate that way. When you draft a guy 4th overall, you should know his strengths and weaknesses inside and out; and one of Benson’s greatest strengths was consistent, four-quarter running. Not splitting carries and being a situational back. Now that he’s in Cincinnati, they’re milking him for all he’s worth (2 years/$7million according to his extension with the team signed this spring), and he’s thriving. Some might think this is a coincidence or that he’s a Rudi Johnson-esque one hit wonder. I disagree.

Running against his former team last week (talk about extra incentive), Benson toted the rock a whopping 37 times for 189 yards and a touchdown. That, after being the first player in forever to rush for 100 yards on the vaunted Ravens defense (120 yards, TD). After 7 games, he leads the NFL in rushing with 720 yards on a 4.4 yards per carry average. The Bengals are one of the surprise teams of the NFL thus far, and Benson’s production is a huge reason why. Sure, Chad Ochocinco is back to form and Carson Palmer is providing leadership and stability at the quarterback position; but it’s Benson’s breakout year that provides Cincinnati with the balance necessary to allow their passing game to thrive. Instead of dropping 7 on defense to defend Palmer and the pass, teams must respect what Big Ced is doing and play a more straight-up style of defense. This opens holes for Palmer to throw to his receivers, and allows Benson to batter the defense for moderate gain after moderate gain until he catches them in a bad formation and burns them for a big one.

Projections are worthless in the NFL (remember when everyone thought Adrian Peterson was going to rush for 2,000 yards this year after one game?), so I won’t try to show everyone how smart I am by guessing what lies in store for Benson in the Bengals. However, I will say this: Benson is a gifted runner who didn’t flame out in Chicago because of a lack of ability or talent. His attitude was poor and his opportunities were inconsistent. Now that both of those problems appear to have been rectified, Cedric Benson has a great shot to show everyone what he’s capable of; the stuff we saw back in his days as a Longhorn.

Will Cedric Benson lead the NFL in rushing after 17 weeks just as he is after 7? I don’t know, but I’m certainly not betting against it. Raise your hand if you thought that was possible way back at the beginning of the season.

(scanning the interwebs for hands…)

That’s what I thought.

~~ Lank

NBA Preview: League Predictions

Western Conference Finals: San Antonio over Los Angeles Lakers in 7

Eastern Conference Finals: Orlando over Boston in 7

NBA Finals: San Antonio over Orlando in 6

MVP: LeBron James, Cleveland

Rookie of the Year: Blake Griffin, Los Angeles Clippers

Sixth Man: Manu Ginobili, San Antonio

Most Improved: Andrea Bargnani, Toronto

Coach of the Year: Gregg Popovich, San Antonio

Most Annoying Storyline:

1a. Shaq and LeBron attempting to coexist

1b. Summer of 2010 free agency

Most Underrated Storyline:

Chris Paul being more valuable to his team than LeBron

Most Hateable Team: Boston Celtics

Most Likeable Team: Portland Trail Blazers (side note: I was going to go with Oklahoma City. They’ve got a young, talented team that plays hard and is fun to watch. However, I realized that there’s still a league-wide backlash against them since their owner hijacked a perfectly good Seattle franchise and moved them down south. That doesn’t exactly make them a likeable team, even if everyone likes their players. There are still lots of people who want them to go 0-82 to bring a little karma to Clay Bennett and company. Thus, I went with Portland because they really don’t have any offensive players (as in uh-fence-ive, not off-in-sive), and they have a good crowd. When it’s that hard to figure out the most likeable team in the league, I don’t know whether David Stern should be commended for combating apathy or criticized for not marketing his teams to the general public well enough to show their good sides.)

Most Likely To Enter Lank’s “Random Favorite Players”:

1. Tyreke Evans, Sacramento (he’ll be too good for this list next year, though)

2. Derrick Byars, Chicago

3. Ike Diogu, New Orleans

Most Likely To Be Sold Before The Season Is Over: Memphis Grizzlies

Most Likely To Accrue More Bandwagon Fans Than Anyone: Vince Carter, Orlando

Most Likely To Lose The Most Games When Scoring 100 Points: Golden State

Most Likely To Win The Most Games When Scoring Below 100 Points: San Antonio

Most Likely To Be Traded Because of His Expiring Contract: Jermaine O’Neal, Miami

Most Likely To Be Suspended First (Preseason Suspensions Notwithstanding): Stephen Jackson, Golden State

Most Likely Coach To Be Fired First: Byron Scott, New Orleans

~~ Lank

NBA Preview: Western Conference

Predicted Order of Finish:

1.) San Antonio

2.) Los Angeles Lakers

3.) Denver

4.) Utah

5.) Dallas

6.) Portland

7.) New Orleans

8.) Los Angeles Clippers

9.) Phoenix

10.) Oklahoma City

11.) Houston

12.) Golden State

13.) Minnesota

14.) Memphis

15.) Sacramento

Southwest Division:

San Antonio – To say that I’m giddy about the Spurs this season is quite the understatement. Realizing that our window is about to close, we went out and traded for Richard Jefferson while picking up Antonio McDyess, and drafting DeJuan Blair. Suddenly, our eight-man rotation is as follows: Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Richard Jefferson, Tim Duncan, Antonio McDyess, Roger Mason, George Hill, and DeJuan Blair. That’s awesome. The first five of that group will be closing games, which is a better lineup than any other team can put on the floor. It’s interesting how instead of taking the fate that was given to them once Tim Duncan began showing his age, the Spurs decided to round up a group that would give them the best chance at one last Duncan-era title. There isn’t a whole lot of youth around, but Parker, Jefferson, Hill, Mason, and Blair are all under 30. Duncan and Ginobili have to prove that they can stay healthy this year, but if they do, look out. Tim Duncan has never had a supporting cast this good – and he’s won four championships regardless. Oh yes, I’m excited.

Dallas – An interesting team to be sure. The Mavericks beat the Spurs in the first round of last year’s playoffs and then were done in by Carmelo Anthony’s Denver Nuggets. Instead of keeping the same group together, they added Shawn Marion, Drew Gooden, and Tim Thomas. All three have the mental stability of an adult who was once a child star, but there still may be some ability left in them yet. Personally, I think Marion is finished. His athleticism set him apart for so many years, but now that it’s regressed to the mean, he’s no longer a productive player. He flamed out in Miami and Toronto last year, but came to Dallas in hopes of leaning on Jason Kidd to throw him a few lobs. Dirk Nowitzki has grown his hair back out, maybe to make people forget that he once dated Cristal Taylor, but I’m not forgetting that. Ever. He’s not getting any younger, but his game should age well due to his shooting stroke and perimeter-based style. The aforementioned Kidd played well last year, but he’s not the difference-maker he used to be, which makes it all the more important for Jason Terry and Josh Howard to provide a consistent scoring punch in Dallas. Howard is already facing injury problems, but they need him to score and score often to minimize the effect of Kidd’s lack of points. Defensively, this team is a mess. A crunch time lineup of Kidd, Terry, Howard, Marion, and Nowitzki would have trouble guarding the University of Kansas this year, yet that’s what they’re probably going to be rolling out in the fourth quarter. Good luck with that. The offense should be good, but the defense will keep the Mavericks from greatness…basically, the same story in Allas (no D) for the past decade.

New Orleans – Sometimes I look at their roster and cringe. Other times I think, “hmm, that’s not bad at all.” I can’t figure out which way to go on them. Just as I put them 7th in the West, I could have easily put them 4th. The whole conference is in a state of flux, and they seem to personify that the best of any team. Gone are Tyson Chandler, Antonio Daniels, and Rasual Butler. In are Emeka Okafor, Darren Collison, and Marcus Thornton. All-Stars David West and Chris Paul lead the charge, obviously, but the supporting cast will have to show up for the Hornets to succeed. Paul is a magician and could probably win 40 games with a college team (kidding, please don’t bring the college team argument to me, I’ll swat it like Dikembe in ’99) and continues to do more with less than just about anyone in the league. His problem is that he isn’t quite good enough to take his team to the promised land. Conference semifinals are fun and all, but you don’t get rings for that. I don’t see how this year will be any different, either. I like the West/Okafor combo down low, and I do think that Darren Collison will prevent Paul from having to play 40+ minutes per game, but there isn’t much scoring on this roster. Morris Peterson and Julian Wright are starters, which doesn’t bode well for the Hornets, but if Peja Stojakovic can give them a spark off the bench (that’s an expensive sixth man, by the way), then look for the Hornets to surprise. However, if Peja’s back continues to act up, 7th seems about right for New Orleans. At least the Saints are good.

Houston – Oh boy, where to begin? The loss of Yao Ming for the season really hurts. The loss of Tracy McGrady for an extended period of time hurts less so, but still isn’t good. All that’s left now is a bunch of guys who hustle, rebound, defend, and have sneaky good games that make you think the Rockets could do something (like Aaron Brooks going for 30 on the Lakers in the playoffs). The Rockets took the eventual-champion Lakers to seven games despite losing Yao, but it’s hard to fill that void for 82 games…when people already know he won’t be there. Luis Scola and Carl Landry are an undersized but super-effective duo down low, and Chuck Hayes defends big men about as well as anyone in the league. However, none of the three is going to be a 20 point per game scorer, and that’s where Houston will get burned. Scola is their leading returning scorer, and he only averaged 12.7 points per game last year. Aaron Brooks, Shane Battier, and Trevor Ariza will all get more shots, but neither is a proven commodity offensively. Rookie Chase Budinger will help, as all he does is play offense, but even then you’re dreaming for something that isn’t there. All in all, the Rockets will make their fans proud and make teams earn wins against them, but until Yao returns (and hopefully, McGrady doesn’t), the Rockets franchise is stuck in neutral.

Memphis – My uncle lives in Memphis. He likes the NBA and attends several Grizzlies games per year. If he were to call me and ask me whether he should spend his time at FedExForum this year, I’d say yes. Not because the Grizzlies will be good (they won’t be), and not because they’ll play solid team basketball (they won’t), but because they’ll be fun to watch. Seriously, with Allen Iverson (eventually), Rudy Gay, O.J. Mayo, Zach Randolph, Marc Gasol, Darrell Arthur, and Mike Conley on the floor (not at one time, that’d be against the rules), the Grizzlies are going to have some entertaining plays. It’s all relative, though; most of those entertaining plays will come amidst a barrage of bricks, bad passes, and one-on-four drives, but who cares? Memphis hasn’t been good since Hubie Brown left and they haven’t been fun to watch since Jason Williams left (man, I love the Double Nickel; he’s getting his own post soon). Poor Lank’s uncle hasn’t enjoyed a Grizzlies game in years. Let the man see a crossover from Iverson, a beautiful jumper from Gay, or a no-look pass from Mayo in peace. Who knows, maybe I’ll venture out to see them in person with him at some point (they host the Spurs on two Saturdays and the Pacers on a Friday…I’m just saying).

Northwest Division:

Denver – Carmelo Anthony is my boy. I’ve loved his game since he was at Syracuse and have vowed to name my first-born son Carmelo Anthony (pending wife approval, of course). Seeing him take over the playoffs last year was quite the thrill, and I want to see what he has in store for an encore. His game has slowly developed into a complete one, and his defense and rebounding are now on par with his scoring, just not on the same level. That being said, the Nuggets have some questions to answer if they’re going to finish 2nd in the conference again. Linas Kleiza and Dahntay Jones, two guys who gave them great minutes all of last season, are now gone, and there still isnt’ much depth down low. Kenyon Martin and Nene will have to play a lot of minutes again, and considering the injury history of those two, that’s a risky proposition. Chauncey Billups will remain a steady hand at point guard, and adding Tywon Lawson to help back up the position was a stroke of genius. Lawson was one of the fastest players in college basketball last year, so turning him loose at altitude will be a nuisance to Denver’s opponents. J.R. Smith is still mercurial, but he can fill it up with the best of them when he’s hot. If he finds some consistency in his game, forget what I said about losing Kleiza and Jones. Defensive holes will have to be filled if the Nuggets want to be taken seriously, but with such a talented roster, don’t expect too much of a drop-off in the Rockies this winter.

Utah – Jerry Sloan, do your thing. One of the best coaches in the NBA, Sloan will be challenged this season. Injuries are already taking a toll (C.J. Miles and Kyle Korver are the latest victims), and Carlos Boozer needs to be placated in his contract year, but Sloan will find a way to make it all work. Deron Williams is among the best players in the NBA, Boozer isn’t a headcase, so he should play hard regardless of the circumstances surrounding his contract situation, and Andrei Kirilenko remains one of the most versatile players in the league. Drafting Eric Maynor to back up Williams was a great move, furthering the depth that gives the Jazz an advantage over most other teams. Their 8th place finish last year was a bit misleading with all of the injuries they incurred, and nobody would argue with you if you told them that Utah had top five talent in the West. Putting it all together and keeping it all healthy are different issues entirely, but there are certainly pieces in place to make a run. If this team gets off to a good start, look out; but if the going gets tough early, look to see how they respond to the situation. That could be the difference between finishing 3rd or 7th in the West.

Portland – I’m not on this bandwagon at all. After getting romped in the playoffs last year, they missed out on Hedo Turkoglu (who would’ve been a great fit) and settled for Andre Miller (who isn’t…at all). They extended LaMarcus Aldridge for 5 years at $13 million per year (no really, they did), and all of the expectations seem to be getting to them. Outside of Brandon Roy, who exactly is the stud that I’m supposed to like on their team? Aldridge is fine, but he is what he is. Rudy Fernandez is fun to watch, but he reaches the law of diminishing returns after about 20 minutes. Greg Oden has worlds of potential, but so did Kwame Brown at one point (damn Greg, I’m sorry; that was uncalled for. Keep reppin’ Terre Haute, man). Honestly, the one guy I’d want on my team after Roy was taken and Fernandez told me he wouldn’t come (remember, this is hypothetical)? Jerryd Bayless. I like that guy, but he never gets to play. Go figure. I guess I say all of that to say this: Portland has a lot of talent, but not a lot of players that I trust. When your goal is to take the next step in your maturation process by winning a playoff series or two, that’s not a good sign.

Oklahoma City – If Toronto is my third-favorite team this season, OKC is probably my fourth-favorite. I’ve been a Kevin Durant follower since his breakout performance at the McDonald’s All-American Game (which doesn’t really count, but I started liking him then for some reason), and I have a feeling that he’s going to do something silly this year statistically. Don’t ask me what, but I’m prepared for 33 ppg or 31/9/5 or 90% FT; anything like that. He’s a rare breed when it comes to scoring and I want to see what’s next. That’s just part of OKC’s allure, though (yes, a big part, but still just a part). Russell Westbrook is entertaining with his brand of I’m-going-to-drive-it-and-I-dare-you-to-stop-me basketball, his ferocious defense, and his intangibles. Jeff Green seems to fit in wherever they need him, dictated by which lineup is on the floor. I’ve seen the guy score, rebound, defend, pass; everything. He’s good. Add in James Harden, whose “old man game” should fit in perfectly in Oklahoma City, and I’m intrigued by this squad. Another bonus point stems from the fact that they have two of my “random favorite players” in the league: Thabo Sefolosha and Shaun Livingston. Random favorite players are guys you like but really don’t know why; you just hope they play well every game and eventually break out. Coach Scott Brooks was great as the interim last season, and I look forward to see how he’ll mesh all of these young parts together in order to build a contender. They’re a couple years away still, but sometimes the journey is better than the destination.

Minnesota – Some advice: the next time you look at the Timberwolves’ depth chart, close your eyes. It’s not good. Kevin Love and Al Jefferson were supposed to provide an improved inside game, but Love broke his hand and Jefferson is returning from a torn ACL. The Ricky Rubio situation is FUBAR, so scratch him off. Corey Brewer might be good, but we don’t really know because he missed all of last year with an injury. They signed Ramon Sessions from Milwaukee in the offseason, and he’s got some ability. However, there just isn’t much to like in the Twin Cities. Rookies Wayne Ellington and Jonny Flynn will get ample opportunity to prove that they belong, but they’re still rookies and won’t do a whole lot to improve the team overall. Once Love returns, he and Jefferson will be a nice tandem down low, but nowhere near good enough to get this team to 30 wins. This year will be all about integrating Flynn, Ellington, and Sessions, getting coach Kurt Rambis some experience (before he heads back to L.A. to coach the Lakers), and finding out if Al Jefferson can make the All-Star team on a squad with 14 wins at the break.

Pacific Division:

Los Angeles Lakers – Most previews have these guys winning it all yet again. Or at least the Western Conference. I’m skeptical, but I see why they’re so highly-regarded. They won the ‘ship last year, and everybody’s back. However, now that Lamar Odom has his contract, will he continue to play hard? Kobe’s knees have to feel like they’re 40 years old. And adding Ron Artest just took your chemistry from “kinda fun when Kobe is happy” to “to put it nicely…combustible”. Artest is saying and doing all of the right things, but eventually his alpha male personality will emerge and things will flare up inside the locker room. The only question is whether or not those flare ups will linger. Behind Bryant, Artest, Odom, Bynum, and Gasol, the Lakers have a bunch of guys who aren’t very good, but will be counted upon anyway. Jordan Farmar must play better, Shannon Brown must be consistent, and Luke Walton must be steady. There are a lot of question marks on this team, but as long as they have Bryant and Gasol, I’m predicting at least a conference finals appearance.

Los Angeles Clippers – Well, the Clipper Curse has struck again. Number 1 overall pick Blake Griffin is out for (at least) six weeks to begin the season with a broken kneecap. Honestly, I thought the Clippers could contend this year. Baron Davis, Eric Gordon, Chris Kaman, Marcus Camby, Rasual Butler, Al Thornton, and Griffin would have been a very good rotation. Now, Griffin is removed and DeAndre Jordan will have to play more meaningful minutes. Everyone tells me that Baron Davis is back to health, but I have to see it to believe it first. Coach Mike Dunleavy nearly lost the team last year, but with each new season comes a fresh slate, and if he can just manage to coincide with Davis, Camby, and Thornton, the Clippers will be in good shape for a playoff spot. The problem is that asking them all to coincide with one another is quite the task. This is either a 45-win team or a 30-win team. Not many other teams have such a wide discrepancy in their potential. But then again, not many other teams are the Clippers.

Phoenix – If someone can explain to me what’s going on in the desert, I’d love to know. Caught between the glory years of the Mike D’Antoni era and the nightmare that was the Shaqtus experiment, Phoenix is attempting to stay competitive without completely rebuilding. Amar’e Stoudemire is the key here; if he stays healthy, they should be able to run and gun their way to a playoff spot. Since I have them at 9th in the West, you can probably guess my feelings on him staying healthy. Steve Nash is only getting older (he can’t defend anybody anymore, by the way), Grant Hill miraculously played 82 games last year (easily the surprise of the season) but is also on the downside, and they have two guys who are the “bad one” amongst of two pairs of NBA brothers (Robin Lopez and Taylor Griffin). Leandro Barbosa is still inconsistent and Jason Richardson is what he is at this point (a three-point bomber who sometimes drives), but at least they’re talented. A small-ball five of Nash, Barbosa, Richardson, Hill, and Stoudemire would be fun, but has a shelf-life of about 15 minutes per game. Bringing in Lopez and Channing Frye will slow them down…both literally and figuratively. The Suns will play some intriguing basketball this season, but they won’t win enough games to be playing through April…meaning another offseason where they have to face the prospect of rebuilding by choice now rather than by necessity later.

Golden State – Team Turmoil resides in Oakland. No, silly, not the Raiders. Actually, I now feel sad for Oaklanders. On one hand, you have Al Davis killing your football team, and the other hand you have the chaotic front office that’s killing the Warriors. Both beloved franchises are now on the verge of alienating their fans due to the mind-boggling missteps that have occurred in NorCal in the past few years. Remember when Don Nelson had the Warriors flying high over the Mavericks in the playoffs? Those days are long gone. In their place are bouts of infighting between Stephen Jackson and management, Monta Ellis and Nelson, Anthony Randolph and playing time, and Stephen Curry and Monta Ellis’ position. Really, it doesn’t get much crazier than Golden State right now. Honestly, a rotation of Curry, Ellis, Jackson, Corey Maggette, Andris Biedrins, Anthony Randolph, and Anthony Morrow isn’t terrible. But when you factor in the complete lack of chemistry and all of the problems surrounding the franchise, nobody plays inspired basketball and that rotation quickly devolves into a shell of what it should be. Cheer up Oakland fans, Big Brother tells me that the A’s are ready to rock next year. Until then, stay classy.

Sacramento – If anyone actually reads this portion of my preview, I’ll be stunned. I might even provide a prize to the first person that gives me a snippet of something I wrote here. Anyway, the Kings are going to be bad. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s focus on some good things; namely, Tyreke Evans. The Memphis product has quickly adapted his skill set (which was already NBA-ready) to the league and looks impossible to stop from getting into the lane. If Blake Griffin’s injuries keep him from producing this year, Evans will be the easy winner of the Rookie of the Year award. Jason Thompson and Spencer Hawes are Kings draft picks who have shown some promise and will continue to get better this year. Both are still young and should grow with Evans to provide a nice trio on which to build the franchise in the future. Kevin Martin remains one of the most efficient scorers in the league and is liable to throw up 40 points in a few games per season. On a good night, the Kings will be fun to watch and will show glimpses of what could happen in the future if everyone develops as expected and does so consistently. Unfortunately, those nights will be countered by nights of complete impotence and 30-point blowouts. The roster needs an upgrade and the arena situation needs to be rectified to keep the team in Sacramento, but there is some hope in Sacto…you just have to look closely to find it.

Best Coach: Phil Jackson, Los Angeles Lakers

Worst Coach: Lionel Hollins, Memphis

Best Rookie: Blake Griffin, Los Angeles Clippers

Worst Rookie: Hasheem Thabeet, Memphis

Best Uniforms: Denver navy blues

Worst Uniforms: Oklahoma City whites

Most Overrated Player: Ron Artest, Los Angeles

Most Underrated Player: Russell Westbrook, Oklahoma City

Best Crowd: Portland

Worst Crowd: Memphis

Surprise Team: Utah

Disappointing Team: Portland

~~ Lank

NBA Preview: Eastern Conference

Predicted Order of Finish:

1.) Boston

2.) Cleveland

3.) Orlando

4.) Washington

5.) Chicago

6.) Atlanta

7.) Philadelphia

8.) Indiana

9.) Toronto

10.) Miami

11.) Charlotte

12.) Detroit

13.) New York

14.) Milwaukee

15.) New Jersey

Atlantic Division:

Boston – We know what to expect from the Celtics at this point…as long as Kevin Garnett is healthy. If The Big Ticket can stave off the recurring knee problems that plagued him last season, Boston has as good a chance as anyone of contending for the Eastern Conference championship. Though Ray Allen and Paul Pierce are no longer at their respective peaks offensively, they provide enough of a scoring punch to be dangerous at any time. Rajon Rondo took his game to another level in last year’s postseason and will look to keep that momentum going. From all accounts in the preseason, he looks ready to continue his improvement. Guard depth, however, will be an issue. The offseason acquisition of Marquis Daniels will help out the Celtics on the wing, but ballhandling and creating when Rondo heads to the bench is still a problem. Eddie House is a shooter, not a point guard, and Daniels is not the distributor that Boston needs off the bench. Another concern is the age of the interior players. Newly-signed Rasheed Wallace is no longer a young’n, and Garnett’s knees are wearing out faster than Balloon Boy jokes (his name really was Falcon, though, that’s not a joke; it’s just funny). Glen Davis proved last postseason that he can be a regular contributor for a good team, but let’s be honest, if Wallace and Garnett don’t play well, the Celtics have no chance of attaining their ultimate goal: another Larry O’Brien Trophy.

Philadelphia – First things first, huge props to the Sixers for going back to their old school logo and color scheme. The Iverson-era jerseys were kinda cool, but not as legit as their throwbacks-turned-current uniforms. Nice touch, Philly. On paper, I kinda like this team. Lou Williams seems ready to take the place of Andre Miller, Elton Brand should be back to full health after rehabbing his shoulder injury, and Andre Iguodala does a lot of good things for this team. Bringing in coach Eddie Jordan, formerly of Washington and one of my favorite coaches in the league, is also a huge plus. However, when I think back to how this team played last year, I am hesitant to put two feet on the bandwagon. Even with a steady point guard such as Miller running the team, they looked disoriented at times, and were about as inconsistent as a playoff team could be. Even their semi-riveting playoff series against Orlando showed the good and bad of the Sixers at once. Jordan’s offensive philosophy should make this a fun team to watch, but I’m not sure who is going to defend. Thaddeus Young is a tremendous athlete, but he seems to use his talents mostly on the offensive end of the floor. Elton Brand is a good rebounder and interior defender, but pairing him with the disappointing Sam Dalembert limits his opportunities to lock down opposing big men. I see no way that this team doesn’t make the playoffs (I think that was only a double negative, but it may have been a triple), but I can’t see them cracking the top four in the East unless everything falls into place (and they run a lineup of Williams, Iguodala, Young, Marreese Speights, and Brand just to see what happens).

Toronto – The Raps are probably going to be my third-favorite team in the league this year (which is really like my favorite in a way since San Antonio and Indiana have occupied the top two spots, in that order, for the past two decades). GM Bryan Colangelo stopped doing what others thought he should do (cough…Jermaine O’Neal…cough…Shawn Marion…cough), and decided to put together a team that he likes. The result? A bunch of shooters and ballhandlers surrounding Chris Bosh. No, seriously, that’s the team. Andrea Bargnani is the starting center and even he likes to fill it up from the outside. The Hedo Turkoglu signing gives them another perimeter threat, and the trade for Marco Belinelli gives them a bench guy who…will come in to dribble and shoot. This is going to be fun to watch. Will it be productive? I have no idea. Bosh will rebound, but who else will? Rasho Nesterovic, Amir Johnson, and Reggie Evans are there to do just that, but it remains to be seen how the rotation will play out. Point guard Jose Calderon remains one of the more efficient players in the league (as well as its best free throw shooter) and two guard DeMar DeRozan should have an immediate impact. There are a lot of questions surrounding the Raptors at this point, but one question has already been answered with a resounding ‘yes’: If Toronto is playing in my city, should I go watch them?

New Jersey – If I were on a polygraph right now, I’d have to admit that I have no interest in summing up the Nets’ chances this year. I’d rather type something along the lines of “22-60” and keep right on moving. However, diligence compels me to tell you a few things. First, the N(y)ets are going to be bad. Second, they were recently bought by a Russian guy who is, apparently, 6’9” (hence the New Jersey Nyets joke you’ll hear all season long). Third, there is some potential here. The red tape surrounding this franchise is quite ridiculous; between the pending sale to Mikhail Prokhorov, the attempted move to Brooklyn, and them trying to get out of the Meadowlands to go play in Newark, the Nets have some serious issues to address. However, should the fans be able to focus on the on-court happenings, they’ll see that Devin Harris is good, Brook Lopez is on his way to becoming a franchise center, and Courtney Lee is a valuable piece that could be helpful now but most certainly will be down the road. I didn’t like them drafting Terrence Williams because I thought they had more pressing needs in the front court, but if he pans out, you can never have enough good players. Yi Jianlian still isn’t good, Sean Williams will probably be off the team by February, and Josh Boone is their backup center. Still, patience is key in New Jersey…although by the time this team gets good, it will most likely be in Brooklyn already. Whoops.

New York – I love Mike D’Antoni. He seems to be a great guy in every interview he gives, and the depiction of him in Jack McCallum’s wonderful book, Seven Seconds or Less made me like him even more. However, he doesn’t have much to work with in Manhattan. Chris Duhon is still his starting point guard, Nate Robinson is back to give him more headaches, Jared Jeffries still hasn’t been traded (though Donnie Walsh is feverishly trying to remedy that), and Al Harrington is liable to hoist more shots than Ray Allen this year. Still, D’Antoni’s frenetic pace lends itself to winning games that his teams otherwise shouldn’t and losing games that they should otherwise win. It’s a give-take system, and he’ll need tremendous efforts out of Danilo Gallinari, David Lee, and Wilson Chandler for this team to reach its potential. If Larry Hughes and Jordan Hill give them anything this year, it’ll be an added bonus, but I just don’t see any way the Knicks make the playoffs. They’re hoping to land a big fish in the summer of 2010, but with their depleted roster, lack of draft picks, and limited trade options, things don’t seem as promising as they did 18 months ago in Gotham. The best-case scenario for this team is somehow getting to 39 or 40 wins and hoping the rest of the East is bad enough to let them in the playoff race. It’s hard to say that’ll happen, but with New Jersey, Detroit, Indiana, Charlotte, and Milwaukee as your competition, it’s not out of the realm of possibility.

Southeast Division:

Orlando – I like the new-look Magic a lot. Ok, so it’s hard to classify them as “new-look” when really they just got rid of Hedo Turkoglu for Vince Carter, but this a different team than you saw in the Finals. In addition to Carter, they added Brandon Bass and Matt Barnes; two guys who will give them tons of energy and production off the bench, and Ryan Anderson, a sweet-shooting big who can still stretch defenses when Rashard Lewis is on the bench. Speaking of Lewis, he’ll miss the first ten games due to a PED-related suspension, but the Magic should be fine. Now, let’s clear up one thing real quick: Vince Carter is better at basketball than Hedo Turkoglu. He always has been, too. Hedo is my boy; he was clutch for Orlando and made play after play after play when they needed him to, but he’s not as good as Vince Carter. Yes, Vinsanity will turn 33 midseason, but he’s got enough gas in the tank for this season, especially with the added bonus of coming back to play for the hometown team (Carter is from Daytona). Oh, and did I mention that All-Star point guard Jameer Nelson is back from his shoulder injury? And that Dwight Howard should be better than ever? Think about it, I just went a few sentences before I even mentioned the best center in basketball; that’s how interesting Orlando is to me this year. A fourth quarter quintet of Nelson, Carter, Pietrus, Lewis, and Howard? I think they’re going to be great, and I think they’re going to the Finals again. There, it’s in writing.

Washington – I’m high on these guys. The Wizards have been through injury hell the past couple of years, and it peaked (or valley-ed) last year with a terrible 19-63 finish. Ouch. Now, Gilbert Arenas is back, Brendan Haywood is back, and…Antawn Jamison is hurt already. Jamison’s strained shoulder means that Arenas, Jamison, and Caron Butler still have not played in a game together since April 1, 2007. Read that sentence again. With the additions of Mike Miller and Randy Foye from Minnesota, the Wizards have a deeper bench and more talent than ever. With an ideal rotation of Arenas, Miller, Foye, Jamison, Haywood, Butler, Nick Young, Andray Blatche, and JaVale McGee, Washington should be able to contend for the fourth spot in the East. Whether or not they get there obviously depends on health, but everyone around the Capital City seems to have a cautious optimism going on, and I like that. McGee was a young bronco last year who was wild yet amazing at times. If his game has become more refined over the summer, he will be a valuable addition down low. Fabricio Oberto was acquired to do the dirty work on the inside, which is something they haven’t had in the past. Honestly, though, Arenas needs to be the old Agent Zero if the Wizards are to reach their goals. Butler and Jamison will be their normal dependable selves, but Gilbert Arenas must produce at an All-Star clip again for the Wizards to be dangerous. I think he will, and I think they will be.

Atlanta – Pretty much the same Hawks of the past two years, look for Atlanta to once again be in the 4-5-6 range in the East and go out early in the playoffs. The addition of Jamal Crawford to the backcourt provides scoring depth, but there is still the matter of a backup point guard. Mike Bibby is still a steady NBA point guard, but if you think Jeff Teague is going to come in and help out the position immediately, I’d advise you to go back and watch the final 15 games of Wake Forest’s season last year. I respect Teague because he’s from Naptown, but he’s not yet ready to produce in the NBA. Along the frontline, Atlanta has the usual suspects – Josh Smith, Marvin Williams, and Al Horford. All are significant contributors in their own right, but if you think that frontline is winning you anything significant, you’re dreaming. This team often gets beat in the paint because they’re too busy looking for blocks instead of actually defending the players in front of them. When Joe Smith is supposedly the big piece that’s going to help out your interior defense, that’s all you need to know about the Hawks. Another solid year, another early playoff exit. Done and done.

Miami – How did Dwyane Wade not win MVP last year? I think LeBron James was certainly deserving of the award, but the more I look at Miami’s roster, the more I wonder how they finished in the top 5 in the East last year. Wow. Anyway, Wade’s health is the key to the season in Miami…as always. Mario Chalmers, Michael Beasley, Jermaine O’Neal, Udonis Haslem. That’s the other 4/5 of the Heat’s starting five. Seriously, how did this team make the playoffs again? Anyway, adding Carlos Arroyo should provide help in the backcourt, but that’s about it. Joel Anthony and Jamaal Magloire are being relied upon to rebound and defend? My goodness. I really wanted to put the Heat lower than 10th in the East, but Wade’s brilliance wouldn’t allow me to do so. He averaged 30.2/7.5/5.0 last season, and the fact that it doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility this year shows you just how good he is. The problem is if he gets hurt or “only” gets, say, 26.2/5.8/3.7, Miami has zero chance of making the playoffs. Michael Beasley is the wild card here, a guy who could give Wade the running mate to improve the team; but with all of his off-the-court issues and a lack of confidence going into the season, I’m hesitant to consider him a reliable second banana. The Heat will take a step back this year, but with a free agent lured to South Beach this summer, things could be a lot better next year…as long as Wade doesn’t leave for Chicago first.

Charlotte – So long, ‘Mek; thanks for the memories. Emeka Okafor, one of the few original Bobcats remaining, was traded this offseason for Tyson Chandler. First of all, Charlotte should never trade with the Hornets. Ever. The wound is still too fresh. Second, if you’re going to trade with George Shinn’s team, at least make sure you fleece him, not give up arguably your best player for a limited offensive player with a history of injuries who might give you 60 games this year. Oh well, these are the types of things Bobcats fans (yes, they exist) have come to expect under the direction of Michael Jordan (quick question: how many current Bobcats could MJ name if you asked him right now and he didn’t have an iPhone or media guide available? I say seven. Is this high or low for a team president? I say low, but I could be wrong). Despite the fact that I’ll be in CrownTown October 30th to cheer on the Bobcats in their home opener, I’m not very high on this team (as you possibly could have inferred already). Raymond Felton and D.J. Augustin provide a solid point guard rotation, and Gerald Wallace and Boris Diaw will fill the stat sheets in Charlotte, but there’s not much else there. Raja Bell, once thought of as a “Kobe stopper” hasn’t done a whole lot since being traded from Phoenix, Vlad Radmanovic is going to shoot threes and not much else (side note: I saw Vlad Rad in a Charlotte mall this fall wearing his old Seattle SuperSonics warmup pants. He was carrying a ton of bags, so he’s clearly the baller we all think he is, but why was he wearing warmup pants for a team he played for three teams ago, that doesn’t even exist anymore, in the town in which he currently plays? I can’t figure this one out; someone smarter than me needs to intervene pronto), and there’s not much interior depth. DeSagana Diop and Nazr Mohammed are your backup centers, folks. Hopefully, Gerald Henderson will be an exciting addition and the Bobcats can claw their way to 40 or so wins. But that’s about all you can expect in the Queen City this year.

Central Division:

Cleveland – Let me go on record as saying the Shaq experiment isn’t going to work. They got Shaq to win the NBA Finals, right? And they’re not going to win the NBA Finals this year, so that makes it a failure, right? Does anyone think this team, in its current form, can beat Boston or Orlando in a seven-game series? Delonte West was caught strapped in Baltimore, so who knows when he’s coming back (though it should be soon), Anderson Varejao just got a big contract and played hard for Brazil in the FIBA Americas tournament this summer (and he’s gonna bring energy in April? Riiiight), and Shaq looks like he weights 350 lbs. at this point. I mean, have you seen him this preseason? My goodness. The ace card, as always, is LeBron James. The guy has a chance to be one of the top 10 players ever, and he’s only 24. Every season he does something we haven’t seen before, and there’s no reason to expect anything different this year. Let me ask you this, though: if the Cavaliers weren’t able to win the East last year despite LeBron being superhuman, how are they going to win this year? If your answer is “they added Shaq” then that tells me all I need to know. This isn’t 2002, people, just ask Phoenix. Anyway, Cleveland has two tasks this year: win a championship, and convince LeBron that the pieces are in place to win a whole bunch more so that he doesn’t leave in 2010. I think Cleveland will end up with a good regular season record, but I can’t see them getting past the conference semis. Mo Williams’ inability to make those around him better was evident in the Orlando series last year and there isn’t a single non-LeBron distributor on the team. Adding Anthony Parker was a good move because it gives the Cavs the outside shooter they’ve needed for some time now, but I don’t think it puts them over the top. Boston and Orlando remain better, and Cleveland is a clear third going into the season. We’ll talk in July and see what happened from now to then.

Chicago – I like this group. Their coach, Vinny Del Negro, is still a bit of an unknown, but their talent level is pretty good and all of the guys play hard. That usually bodes well for success. The big thing holding back the Bulls is that they don’t have an elite player who can win them a few games when they’re off or out of rhythm. Derrick Rose is well on his way to becoming such a player, but he’s not there yet. Losing Ben Gordon hurts their perimeter scoring, but if John Salmons can play like he did over the last month of the season last year, that void will shrink. I love the Kirk Hinrich/Jannero Pargo backup guard combination as you get solid play out of both no matter the situation. The frontcourt is a hodge podge of talent. Brad Miller is a good passer and shooter, Joakim Noah is a ferocious defender and rebounder, and Tyrus Thomas does the freaky athletic things that make you wonder how good he’d be if he were consistent. Rookie James Johnson showed flashes in the preseason of good ability, so expect him to contribute some as an energy guy type backup. The Bulls gave the Celtics all they wanted last year in the playoffs, but will need to continue progressing if they want to win a playoff series this year. I expect that they will.

Indiana – Ah, the Pacers. Once an automatic insertion into the playoff discussion, they now scrap and claw to get their way into the 8th spot, something they haven’t been able to do since 2006. Oddly, I’m expecting Indiana to make the playoffs this season. I like the way Danny Granger has taken his game to another level and has become a star in the league. No, he won’t continue his streak of averaging 6 more ppg than the season before (7 to 13 to 19 to 25 last year), at least I don’t think so, but he single-handedly wins the Pacers a few games they shouldn’t. Troy Murphy became the first player in NBA history to finish in the Top 5 in rebounding and three-point shooting, and he returns this year with more emphasis on his low post game. Brandon Rush was very productive at the end of his rookie season last year when Mike Dunleavy was hampered by a knee injury. Dunleavy returning would be a huge boost to the Pacers, but no one seems to know when that will be (I say January). Roy Hibbert and Tyler Hansbrough were drafted to give the Pacers something inside, so their development will be key. Dahntay Jones was lured away from Denver at a steep price in order to shore up the defense, which let too many teams shoot way-too-high percentages. The Pacers are going to score, believe me. But if they can improve on defense, even marginally, they’ll find themselves in the playoffs. Despite all of the injuries and bad luck last year, they almost made it. Those things can’t happen to them two years in a row, can they? Don’t answer that.

Detroit – Their starting five is Rodney Stuckey, Richard Hamilton, Tayshaun Prince, Charlie Villanueva, and Kwame Brown. Their key backups are Ben Gordon, Ben Wallace, and Chris Wilcox. Maybe I’m missing something, but this team is going to be bad. Who’s rebounding on this team? Who is keeping the other team’s big men from going wild? Do they really think they can just roll out the ball and score more than everyone else? Why am I asking so many rhetorical questions? Their coach is a former Cleveland assistant I’ve never heard of. I read everything I can about the NBA and I’ve never heard of him; that can’t be good for the Pistons, right? Gordon and Villanueva, two offseason acquisitions, will provide a scoring boost for sure, but I just don’t see this team being able to stop anyone defensively (especially if those two are on the court together). After what’s happened with the Lions and Tigers this year, I’m advising all of my Detroit brethren to stay away from Auburn Hills for fear of further emotional damage. Just watch “Gran Torino” again and thank me later.

Milwaukee – I’m one of the few people not predicting doomsday in Milwaukee. Ok, so I predicted them 14th in the East, but I think it’ll be an encouraging 14th. Is that possible? Umm, I think so; just let me explain. Brandon Jennings is the Bucks’ starting point guard. That’s not going to work very well this year. However, he’ll flash plenty of potential and make some plays that we’re not used to seeing from Milwaukee. Maybe a no-look to Michael Redd for a three. Maybe a lob to Andrew Bogut for an awkward dunk. Maybe a crossover-turned-layup on a fast break. The kid has talent, but it’s not very refined. Coach Scott Skiles will earn his paycheck trying to corral Jennings without limiting him. I like that everyone on this team plays hard; that will result in a few extra wins this season. Luc Richard Mbah a Moute was a surprise at forward last year, and Kurt Thomas brings a steadying presence down low. There isn’t a lot of talent in place (has anyone actually seen Joe Alexander lately? If so, please let me know), but the Bucks will surprise by contending for the first couple of months, barring injury. However, as the season wears on, the daily grind will kick in, and simply outhustling teams won’t be enough anymore. But that’s still encouraging despite finishing in 14th, isn’t it? Hello?

Best Coach: Mike D’Antoni, New York

Worst Coach: Whomever The Pistons Hired This Year, Detroit

Best Rookie: DeMar DeRozan, Toronto

Worst Rookie: Austin Daye, Detroit

Best Uniforms: Orlando blues

Worst Uniforms: Milwaukee reds

Most Overrated Player: Shaquille O’Neal, Cleveland

Most Underrated Player: Danny Granger, Indiana

Best Crowd: Boston

Worst Crowd: Charlotte

Surprise Team: Indiana

Disappointing Team: Miami

~~ Lank

Dancing with the Stars Recap: Week 5

This week, there was a HUGE surprise in the elimination. Natalie Coughlin, the gold medal swimmer, was voted off despite being a high scorer only a couple of weeks ago. Sharing the bottom two with Coughlin was Aaron Carter, who was in the bottom two for the second week in a row. The judges haven't been impressed with his uptight demeanor, and it seems to be wearing thin on the voters as well. With a huge fan following, Michael Irvin continues to be safe week after week. His dancing is improving, but not enough to save him without vast fan support. It'll be interesting to see how long he can keep it up. So what's up with the remaining couples? Glad you asked:

Mya and Dmitry Chaplin - The Argentine Tango was kind to them. With three 9s, another solid 27 puts them about where we expect them to be. Yeah, it's kind of harsh to hold them to such a high standard this early in the competition, but with the way they've been dancing, we have no choice. And by "we," I clearly mean everyone in America since I'm the official Skip To My Lank spokesperson for all DWTS fans. Thanks, it's a great honor.

Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff - Solid, but nothing crazy. Aaron seems to be better with the faster-paced dances, and the Argentine Tango is a very discipline routine. He held his own and seemed to enjoy himself more, so I fully expect for him to be back with us next week and the week after. Unless the damage has already been done with the fan base (Baseball Mom is a decent bellwether, and she can't stand him, so there you go).

Mark Dacascos and Lacey Schwimmer - Mark did his thing this week. Dancing the paso doble with a partner that was dressed up like a bull, he showed a lot of personality and performance. The dance was energetic and he really impressed both the judges and crowd with his routine. I wouldn't be surprised if that performance saves him for the next couple weeks. It was that good.

Melissa Joan Hart and Mark Ballas - Everybody knows I love Melissa, but I'm still not sold on her slow dance routines. As an actress, she likes to get into the performance aspect of the dances, which suits her better for faster-paced routines. However, Argentine Tango was good and showed her improvement in the slow dance area. If she continues her progress and becomes a more complete dancer, I think her relationship with the crowd will take her further than we expect. Maybe.

Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova - By far Mike's best performance of the season. He rocked the paso doble with a very authoritative performance that showed off some nifty footwork and gobs of personality. You can still see the rigidity in a lot of his movements, but he has improved quite a bit and will be an interesting contestant for the remainder of the season. His fan support is clearly there, but can he keep progressing enough to have the judge support that will ultimately keep him on the show?

Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough - Let's give her a mulligan this week. Derek had the flu, so she actually danced with Maksim Chmerkovskiy, and the lack of practice caught up to her. Her misstep almost caused Maks to fall, and there were big point demerits because of it. However, the rest of her Argentine Tango was nearly flawless, and she should be around for a while, despite the mistake. Hopefully, the voters feel the same way as yours truly. If not, we're headed for a Michael/Kelly final, and I'm not cool with that. Sorry, just venting after Natalie got voted off for no reason. Speaking of Kelly...

Kelly Osbourne and Louis van Amstel - Probably one of the more fun moments of the season this week. Kelly danced to her dad's song "Crazy Train" and gave an energetic paso doble. The song fit the routine very well, and it was cool to see Kelly dancing to her dad's song while he was in the audience rooting her on. She apparently injured her foot during the dance, but nobody noticed; a testament to her determination. She'll be fine, and should be dancing next week.

Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson - Well, that just wasn't fair. Donny drew the Argentine Tango this week, a dance tailor made to his talents. Showmanship, pace, attitude, confidence, class; they were all on display as Donny danced circles around his competition. Basically, millions of American women (and maybe some dudes, no homo) fell in love with him as he danced flawlessly around the floor in a very strong, deliberate performance. I'm telling you, the way this guy goes out there and works the crowd every week, it's going to take a huge swing in votes for someone to dethrone him. He has a huge fan base and can actually dance...a good combination for this show.

Louie Vito and Chelsie Hightower - My favorite couple was better this week, but they're still lagging behind the others. The Argentine Tango is a very disciplined routine, and Louie had a few missteps that showed. He doesn't dance a whole lot, he just sort of stands around while Chelsie looks really, really, really good and moves equally as well. If he wants to survive another week, he'll need to diversify his routines and put a little action in his game. Maybe next week is the start of a new era for him.

~~ Lank

A-Rod Killing the Postseason...and His Haters

I'm happy for Alex Rodriguez. I really am. Yeah, I wrote a fairly scathing article about him back in the summer, but I've always been a big defender of his. He's one of the Top 10 players ever, and he's doing things that cannot be done on a baseball field by mere mortals. He's been putting up ridiculous numbers year after year for such a long time that people have become accustomed to getting 30 bombs and 100 ribbies from him.

And then hating on him during the postseason.

Sure, he's had his struggles in the playoffs. The 2006 ALDS against Detroit was a disaster, and he didn't hit particularly well against Cleveland in 2007. However, his career playoff numbers are better than those of "Mr. October" Reggie Jackson. To say that the guy isn't clutch in the postseason just isn't accurate. Many of the postseason series in which he's performed poorly have been with the Yankees, which only magnifies the perceived problem. Those short series did not give a very large sample size, and it's possible that A-Rod just had a bad week...you know, those things that happen all the time during a baseball season? Sure, having a bad week at a bad time isn't an excuse for not performing up to expectations in the postseason, but it's not like the guy had 10 games and was bad in all of them.

As we've seen this postseason (and in his years in Seattle), the guy is going to perform if given enough chances. He was on fire against Minnesota and has been downright filthy against Anaheim (no, I still don't call them the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim; that's silly). His late-inning home run in Game 2 was unreal. Nobody on, down by one, bottom of the 11th, Angels closer Brian Fuentes in the game (who led the league in saves this year), a steady rainfall coming down...and he hits the game-tying bomb to the opposite field. It was something that you expect a great player to do, yet are still truly impressed when it actually happens. Those are the moments that will endear A-Rod to Yankees fans and will rewrite his legacy as a postseason choke artist.

Even if that legacy is ill-conceived.

~~ Lank

When Training Classes Attack

I work for Company X. This company is currently undergoing a merger with another company, so my fellow employees and I are currently enrolled in training classes to assist with the transition. These classes are about what you'd expect: boring, full of buzzwords ('training environment' is the word of choice in our particular session), and employees looking for ways to keep themselves entertained. I am by no means a morning person, so the fact that I have to be in my seat at 8:00 am sharp means that I need some afternoon entertainment to keep my engine running. Fortunately for me, there has been afternoon entertainment in spades this week.

Yesterday, we were learning how to sign on to the new computer system which we'll be using at our time with Company X. Yes, I'm just a young pup, which means I'm technologically savvy by default, but I just don't understand why "older" people have such a difficult time with the simplest of processes...such as signing on to a computer system. User name; password; enter. That's it. However, people were having a fit with this. In a class of about 25 people, 12 were struggling to navigate the treacherous terrain that is computer software. Noticing the trend, our fearless leader (who we'll call Trainer One) asked the class from where the difficulties were stemming. She was asking simple yes or no questions, but kept getting flustered, open-ended, non-helpful answers from those in need.

I guess this is a good time for a tangent. My buddy, 'Moo, and I were just chillin' while this was going on. We're blessed with the requisite computer genes, so we had about as many problems getting into the system as the Eagles had with the Raiders last Sunday...wait, bad example. Scratch that. Anyway, Moo and I are taking this opportunity to do really important things; like look at Balloon Boy t-shirts, send each other emails back and forth about Hulk Hogan's pending book, and wonder how hard it is for people to sign in to a computer system. Don't get me wrong, God only knows what's on the other side of the login screen after you gain access; but actually getting into the system is about as hard as beating the Raiders...crap, another bad example. I'll get it together, I promise. Anyway, 'Moo and I are sensing the rising tide of frustration from those in need and are bracing for impact in 3......2.....1...

And then it happened. Trainer One, growing tired of the non-helpful answers mentioned above, began to ask individuals in need questions about their specific problems. When someone suggested how she should go about helping the others, she looked him dead in the eye and said, "I'M DOING THIS! OK? I'M DOING THIS!" 'Moo and I about lost it. Little did we know that the best was yet to come. Still not getting any useful information out of those in need, Trainer One threw up her hands in exasperation and yelled, "You know what? Forget it. I'm done. You guys obviously don't want to listen to me, and I've had enough of this. (Trainer Two) can take it from here. I'm finished."

Needless to say, 'Moo and I didn't hold it together very well. He's more of a grown man than I am, so he was pretty solid, but I couldn't help but laugh at the spectacle. The frustration in the room was palpable (all because a few people couldn't simply sign into a system with a self-explanatory process), and it boiled over when Trainer One yelled out in irritation. Really funny stuff. By this time it was 4:15 pm (we get out every day at 4:30), and that type of outburst was exactly what I needed to get me through the last sprint of the day.

Afterward, as 'Moo and I were leaving the building, and he said, "man, I'm not gonna lie, I was thisclose to just leaving the room. That was ridiculous." I couldn't help but begin laughing hard once again, because I had the exact same thought, and was wondering if that was inappropriate of me. Apparently not. 'Moo seemed to be half-annoyed/half-amused by the whole situation, but I for one thought it was perfect. The bewildered company people being led by the third-party trainers, resulting in a wondrous blend of confusion and unintentional comedy. Man, that was awesome.

The fun didn't stop there, though. Today, we had a group meeting with several of the other training classes, probably about 70 to 80 people in all. My manager's manager was leading the show, so I had to behave, but that doesn't mean I didn't laugh a time or six. 'Moo was my wingman and we set up a table in the back (as always; in the words of 'Moo, "I know you grabbed a spot in the back of our training class so that you could surf the internet all day, and I grabbed the spot directly in front of you because I knew you wouldn't judge me for doing the same thing." Ah, training classes, aren't they grand?) to observe the goings-on. The meeting failed to disappoint, as people began asking weird questions about severance packages and bonuses and time off...you know, the really important things during a conversion.

The best part was the girl who raised her hand and asked my manager's manager, "yeah, I know that Company X has a policy where you get penalized for being late and stuff. And, like, if you miss a day and it's unexcused or whatever, you also get a penalty for that. And I heard that if it happens 9 times (yes, she really said nine times), you get terminated."

Oh boy, she just dropped the t-word in a group meeting about the conversion process. You can probably guess what happened next.

Chaos ensued with people beginning to grumble and gossip. Meanwhile, 'Moo and I leaned over to one another and began saying "gossip gossip gossip" entirely too loud, while pretending to say it in each other's ear quietly. Mature? No, not really. Funny? Quite.

Not to be outdone by some of the other questions, that same girl raised her hand later in the session (at least she's polite) and promptly asked the same question, just in different phrasing. I mean, really; at what point do you not understand that you're telling on yourself? It kinda got swept under the rug, but you had to bring it back up and make sure everyone knew that you're worried about being penalized for being a slacker. Why didn't she just say, "excuse me, I have a terrible attendance record, I don't always show up on time, and I can honestly say that it's going to happen a lot more than 9 times this year. If you could just go ahead and terminate me now so that we don't have to waste each other's time, I'd appreciate it." Well, I guess, looking back, she did say that, just not in those exact words.

Equally enjoyable was the fact that all of this occurred around, roughly, 4:10 pm, so by the time the meeting was finished, we were all allowed to leave. Not only had my afternoon entertainment come through, it had come through twice in two days. That's legit. In order to keep up my streak, I may have to crank up another one of my co-workers, an absolute 1980s warrior who still loves U2 and Top Gun with the same veracity that he did in 1986, who dropped the following quote as we were clocking out for the day. When discussing separating athletes and actors and their accomplishments from who they are as people, he said:

"Look, I'm gonna be honest; if you were to give me $50 million as a 21-year-old, you'd probably be reading about me in the same article as Len Bias." Yes, I might need to add that to my list of quotes of the year; but I'm also going to need that same quality every day around 4:00 if I have any chance of surviving my training class. Me and 'Moo both.

~~ Lank