Lank's Favorite Movies of 2009

Since everyone and their brother seems to be making up a list of their favorite things of the year (and decade), I figured I’d be arrogant enough to think that you’re wondering what my favorite movies of the year were.

A couple of rules here:

-- These are my favorite movies of the year; not necessarily the most technically perfect. “Avatar” was a landmark achievement in filmmaking, but I can’t say that I thoroughly enjoyed watching it.

-- There are a couple movies on my list that were released in 2008, but I actually saw them in 2009. That counts in my book. I can’t call them the best of 2008 if I didn’t see them until the following year

-- I stuck to movies that I saw in theaters. I’d never seen any of the X-Men movies until 2009 (it’s a long story; don’t ask), but watched them all on DVD this summer. That doesn’t count. How is that different than my previous rule? I don’t know, but it just is.

I think that’s it for rules. Let’s get to the meat-and-taters and give the people what they paid to see, shall we?. Without further ado…

10.) Public Enemies – This Michael Mann film, starring Johnny Depp Christian Bale, and Marion Cotillard, was one of the most-anticipated movies of the year for me. During my live-blogs of the NBA Finals, I probably mentioned “Public Enemies” at least 13 times. As I said in my review, there were some things about it I didn’t like. The pace early on was somewhat slow and there really wasn’t a narrative forming until about 1/3 of the way through the film. However, once Mann zeroed in on his topic (the fast-living and capers of John Dillinger), “Public Enemies” went to the next level. The last half-hour or so of this movie is downright superb and left me leaving the movie theater with an overwhelmingly positive feeling about how I’d spent the previous two hours. Full of good action, good lines, and a good story, “Public Enemies” was certainly worth the wait for me.

9.) The Blind Side – Yeah, I went there. When I first heard that they were making a movie about the life and times of Ravens OG Michael Oher, I was skeptical. I’d heard that the book on which the movie is based (written by Michael Lewis) was very good, but that doesn’t always mean a movie is a good idea. The previews came out, the buzz built, and I decided that I really wanted to see it. And I’m certainly glad that I did. Charming without ever being hokey; inspiring without ever being too preachy; and emotional without ever being too sappy; “The Blind Side” really hit on all aspects of the story equally well. Oher’s football career is documented, of course, but the relationship between he and his new family is explored as well. Sandra Bullock does a terrific job as Leigh Anne Tuohy, Michael’s “new mom”, and really gives the film its character. I can’t say that I cried during the movie, but I will admit that I had something in my eye during a scene or two. You should watch “The Blind Side”; you really should.

8.) Watchmen – Initially, I didn’t have much of a desire to see this one. I saw the trailer during my first viewing of “The Dark Knight” and thought it was fantastic. All of the action, with The Smashing Pumpkins song in the background, and a Rorschach voice-over? Superb. That got my interesting going a little bit, but the reviews were mixed upon its release so I didn’t get much of a boost from that. Eventually, I decided to give it a shot, and I’m really glad that I did. Yeah, there were some plot holes and it was a touch too long, but man, what an epic movie. The action scenes were fabulous, it has a great look to it, and the story itself was quite engrossing. You could feel the plight of these superheroes as they saw their friends being picked off one by one. I haven’t read the comic books, so I can’t give you an opinion of its loyalty to the original story; but I can say that I liked the film incarnation of “Watchmen” just fine.

7.) Zombieland – Probably the most fun I had in the movie theaters this year. Talk about a movie that knew exactly what it was and exactly what it wasn’t. Obviously, knowing that Woody Harrelson was killing zombies meant that I was going to see it regardless, but “Zombieland” surprised me with its sense of humor and irreverent charm. Never a dull moment in this movie, and just when you think things might be bogging down, Woody finds another zombie to kill in a badass way. The movie is quite gory and has some choice language, so it’s not for everyone. But if you enjoy tons of fun, a lot of action, and some genuinely good laughs, “Zombieland” is for you. Considering I enjoy all of those things immensely, and Woody Harrelson wrecking shop, I couldn’t have enjoyed this movie any more than I did.

6.) Up in the Air – A late entry into my top ten considering I just saw it a few days ago. No, this isn’t one of those “what I just saw is the best thing that I saw” type deals. What do you think I am, an Academy Award voter (why else do you think studios release their “Oscar-worthy” films at the very end of the year)? I really liked “Up in the Air”. The dialogue is sharp, the story is very interesting (and pertinent in these times), and George Clooney has never been better. If you thought he was cool and charming in the “Ocean’s” movies, wait until you see him as Ryan Bingham in this one. You probably think that I’m biased since I’m in love with her, but Anna Kendrick was lights-out as Natalie Keener, a fresh-out-of-college career woman who is the yin to Bingham’s yang. The two play off each other well and give the movie its spirit. As you watch this movie, you run the gambit of emotions and see the characters in several different lights. As character-driven movies go, this is just about as good as it gets.

5.) Star Trek – For the record, I’m not a Trekkie. Glad we cleared that up. Big Brother he told me that he didn’t want to see this movie because he didn’t like Star Trek in general. Fair enough, but I didn’t like the whole Star Trek thing either before seeing the movie (and still don’t, to be honest). However, when the previews were released, I noticed that it didn’t have the traditional Star Trek feel, and it seemed like more of a recent Star Trek, if that makes sense. Rather than being confined to spaceships and crazy galaxies, the characters were on the ground, in school, and behaving, well, normally. Plus, J.J. Abrams directed it, and I trust that guy. I saw it, and I loved it. The story was well-paced, yet informative. I didn’t feel like I missed any of the nuances of the story because Abrams was in a hurry to blow up something else. Since it’s a “reset” of the franchise, I got an education in Star Trek without having to catch up on older movies. Basically, “Star Trek” hit on all the right notes while avoiding the landmines that come with doing a film for such a famous brand. Apparently, even the old-school Trekkies liked it and thought it did justice to the original story. Who would have wagered on that? Well done, Mr. Abrams; well done, indeed.

4.) Up – In a way, this was my favorite movie on 2009. To try to describe the plot of this tale would risk getting my institutionalized, so I’ll just tell you what I thought about it. Visually, “Up” was mesmeric. The balloon-fueled house soaring over the city and into the jungle was just awe-inspiring. I don’t know how those Pixar dudes do what they do; but I’m really glad that they do (that made sense, I think). There is a scene early on that does not have a single word of dialogue, not one, and still manages to make people with any semblance of sensitivity cry. Strictly through the images and emotion pouring from the screen. Amazing. Plot-wise, “Up” is very well done. All of the twists and turns have a point, and there is never a scene in which you find yourself wondering how it ties into the overarching story. The characters are remarkably developed, and you find yourself rooting for some and rooting against the others simply because of who they are and what they stand for. There are many, many funny moments that draw genuine laughs from anyone watching the movie. If you’re not laughing when Russell’s face is loudly dragging across the window of Muntz’s zeppelin, then I don’t want to know you. All in all, “Up” manages to tell a funny, exciting, heartwarming story without ever being cheesy and without relying on the stunning visuals to carry it. What people fail to realize about Pixar is that when they make a movie, they don’t make something pretty and then shoehorn in a story; they write a fascinating story and then add in the visuals. And it shows with a classic like “Up”.

3.) The Hangover – Come on now, you knew it was coming. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that much in a movie theater. Sure, it probably doesn’t have the technical merits of “Up” or the charm of “Up in the Air”, but I had a really, really good time watching “The Hangover”. The story is quite original in its own right. Yeah, the “let’s go to a vacation spot and have something crazy happen” angle isn’t new, but the way in which the story was told is. Rather than showing the debauchery that occurred the night Doug, Alan, Stu, and Phil went to Vegas for Doug’s bachelor party and ended up losing Doug, the story begins with the trip to Vegas, but then skips ahead to the morning after. From there, the memory-impaired trio must attempt to retrace their steps from the night before in order to find their lost friend (and groom). Hilarity ensues, their story goes from crazy to crazier, and the laughs keep coming. The dialogue in the movie is great, and the chemistry between the nerd (Stu), the cool friend (Phil), and the eccentric brother-in-law-to-be (Alan) really shines. It’s one of those movies that you think would be a lot of fun to make because everyone in the movie seems to be having a good time. Mike Tyson’s cameo, a tiger in the bathroom, and a white baby named Carlos; what else could you ask for? For me, the answer is nothing.

2.) Slumdog Millionaire – Remember how I mentioned that there would be a movie or two from 2008 that would be on the list? Yeah, here’s the first one. Released late last year, I saw “Slumdog” in February 2009, a few days after my birthday. I’d heard all of the hype and what not, but my homeboy GB told me to see it, and when GB tells me to see a movie, I probably need to see it. Without giving too much away, “Slumdog” is about an Indian young man who gets on the Indian version of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” in order to attract the attention of his childhood love interest, who he knows is a fan of the show. Despite not having any formal education, the guy is able to answer questions based on previous life experiences. Those experiences comprise the bulk of the movie, as we see his evolution from young boy to young man in these flashbacks. “Slumdog” is very intense and keeps you on the edge of your seat throughout. Not in a thriller-genre type way, but in a “man, I can’t wait to see what happens next” type of way. You’re never scared, but you are captivated the entire time you’re watching it. The way the filmmaker, Danny Boyle, intertwines the flashback scenes with the present-day action is pure genius, and gives “Slumdog” a wonderful pace. If you haven’t seen it yet, do so ASAP. It’s one of the rare movies that actually lives up to the hype.

1.) The Wrestler – And here is the other movie from 2008 that makes my list. It happens to be the chart-topper, no less. This isn’t some commentary on the lackluster filmmaking in 2009 or anything silly like that, I just really liked these two movies, especially “The Wrestler”. As a kid, I grew up watching professional wrestling religiously. From about 1990 through 2000, I could name every wrestler in both major promotions (WCW and WWF), the storylines in which he/she was involved, his/her favorite moves, and the other personas that that wrestler had used. I was a wrestling junkie. If you try to tell me that Demolition was better than the Road Warriors, I really might try to fight you. Anyway, being a fan also had its downside. Mainly, when wrestlers die young (as many of them do, sadly), you begin to wonder what it took for those guys to entertain you every night. The toll that it takes on their bodies is massive, and the mental repercussions of performing in such a profession begin to manifest as well. I say all that to say this: “The Wrestler” showed me what the dark side of professional wrestling looks like. It was gripping, emotional, and sometimes dreary. Watching Mickey Rourke portray Randy “The Ram” Robinson was like watching one of my old favorite wrestlers bandy about in society trying to find their way outside the only world they’ve ever known. Once the arena lights and crowd noise are removed from these guys’ lives, they never quite behave the same. They know nothing else. For too long, wrestlers have been dying too soon at an alarming rate and their story was never told. Thanks to director Darren Aronofsky and Rourke’s legendary performance, we got a glimpse into the under belly of pro wrestling. No, it wasn’t pretty, but I can honestly say that I will never forget the way that “The Wrestler” made me feel while I was watching it, and the way that it made me think after I left the theater. Rest in peace to all of my childhood heroes of the squared circle who are no longer with us.

There you have it. My ten favorite movies of 2009. What do you think? Do you agree for the most part? Disagree for the most part? I realize that I left out some movies that a lot you liked, but there were some that I wasn’t so fond of, and others that I just didn’t get around to seeing. Here’s a quick list of movies that I wanted to see, but never did so: Inglourious Basterds, State of Play, Michael Jackson’s This Is It (I should be draw-and-quartered for not seeing this), Brothers, Ninja Assassin, Everybody’s Fine, Invictus, Sherlock Holmes (high on the list for 2010), and Couples Retreat (surprised? Yeah, me too, but Jason Bateman is my boy, and it, along with State of Play, is the only movie of his that I haven’t seen; that’s the only reason it’s on here).

~~ Lank

Bored Lank = Interesting Factoid

A buddy of mine at work, Gotham, sent me an interesting question via email today. He asked me who had more players in the NBA, the ACC or the Big East? Gotham is a native New Yorker (hence his alias) and supports the Big East, so I'm sure he was trying to win a bet or something. I confessed that I didn't have the answer on hand, but told him I'd do some research. A few hours later, I had some down time, so I decided to look over every NBA roster and do the math myself. Here are the results for those two conferences as well as the other "BCS conferences" (rosters as of December 30, 2009):

Big East - 52

ACC - 49

Pac-10 - 47

SEC - 37

Big 12 - 34

Big Ten - 31

Nothing overly surprising there. The Big East was boosted by the fact that I included all of the alumni of teams that are currently in the conference, so guys like Kenyon Martin and Quentin Richardson, who never played in the Big East, were counted towards their total. May this post prove to you that if you need any questions born out of curiosity answered, email me at work and I'll be happy to do my best. Is that what they're paying me for? Not really, but we'll consider my employer a co-investor in Skip To My Lank so that I can sleep better at night. How's that?

~~ Lank

Texas Tech Gets Messy

Talk about a story that keeps getting weirder and weirder. The Mike Leach fiasco at Texas Tech reached an apex today when the university fired their successful football coach “with cause”, amidst reports that Leach mistreated a member of his football team by placing him in an electrical closet during practice after the player had mentioned suffering a concussion.

Oh, and did I mention that this player is Adam James, the son of ESPN analyst Craig James? If you don’t think that had anything to do with the magnitude of this story, then I have some residential property in Las Vegas I’d like to sell you.

Adam James is a little-used wide receiver and was supposedly frustrated with his playing time. Needless to say, he and Coach Leach probably didn’t have the best of relationships; especially if James had a girlfriend. When whatever happened happened (and the details are still coming out. Leach admits to keeping James away from the team during practice, but in an air-conditioned facility that was near the practice fields. Either way, it’s one man’s word against another and the truth will likely never be known), James probably took it extremely hard, considering the incident was coupled with the frustration of not playing on a regular basis.

Adding a further layer to the story is the fact that Texas Tech and Leach had a very testy contract renegotiation last summer, and haven’t been on the same page ever since. Leach and AD Gerald Myers have a relatively frosty relationship, making it all the more unsurprising that Leach was fired. As soon as word about the incident emerged, I was pretty sure that the end result would be a parting of ways of some kind. That’s not to say that there was conspiracy against Leach by the administration or anything, but he was on a short leash, to say the least. When you get accused of putting a player in an electrical closet as punishment (for an injury, no less), that tends to violate a “short leash”. I’m just saying.

According to reports, the players aren’t in complete agreement about the decision. Some are defending James and saying that they’re happier now that Leach is gone. Others have questioned James’ work ethic and the validity of his story. Defensive coordinator Ruffin McNeil has taken over as interim head coach, and does not appear to have been involved in any of the episodes that occurred at Texas Tech during this period. With all of this in mind, it’ll be interesting to see how the Red Raiders perform in the Alamo Bowl against Michigan State (January 2nd, ESPN, 9 pm). Will they unite during the turmoil and put on a good performance? Or will they fall prey to all of the distractions and come out looking rattled? They’re better than Michigan State, so the only thing affecting the outcome of this game is Texas Tech’s mindset.

It’s hard to say what’s next for Mike Leach. He’s regarded as a brilliant offensive mind, as evidenced by the fact that his teams regularly score some of the highest point totals in the country. However, in today’s politically correct world, the mishandling of a player is a scarlet letter of sorts for coaches. It’s ok to lie to athletics directors, switch schools at the drop of a hat, and violate recruiting bylaws. But if you mistreat a player, whew boy, you’re considered a bad person. My best guess is that he’ll resurface at the mid-major level, keep his nose clean for a few years, and then get another big-time gig. His behavior at Texas Tech has always been quirky, but never abrasive, so future employers will be willing to overlook this incident so long as it seems to be an isolated occurrence. Besides, America is all about giving coaches with questionable ethics second chances.

Just ask Nick Saban.

~~ Lank

The Cat Whisperer

I alluded to this little episode in my Christmas recap, but here it is in all its glory.

My buddy, Dirty D, wanted to get his mom a new kitten for Christmas. His family has one, but they’d previously owned another one before it passed away, so he wanted to get the total back to two. Without having a car to drive, he asked me if I would mind taking him to get the new kitten. I had no qualms with it, and was happy to help a brotha out…especially when it comes to buying Mom Dukes a Christmas present. Due to needing to keep the kitten with its mother for a certain timeframe, the earliest we could pick up the kitten was Christmas Eve. No biggie, this would only take an hour or so, right?

Wrong.

We set off to get the kitten from a couple whose cat had just delivered a litter of them (I don’t know if “litter” is the proper term for cats, but I know that it is for dogs, so we’ll just use it anyway, ok? Thanks, I knew you’d understand). Dirty D picks up the kitten, makes some small talk with the couple, and then tells me that he’d appreciate it if we stopped by Wal-Mart or PetSmart to pick up a few things for Little Kitty Thing (who will now be referred to as ‘LKT’ for the remainder of the post). Yeah, not a problem, how long can it take? A half hour at most?

Try again.

Wal-Mart was more crowded than a mall with Justin Bieber playing, so we decided PetSmart would be the better option; especially since LKT could come in with us (for the record, I hate cats. I think they bring nothing to the table as pets and cost entirely too much since you get zero return on your investment. Well, except sass and attitude. And if I wanted sass and attitude, I’d just get a girlfriend, but that’s neither here nor there…). This is literally how the beginning of our trip to PetSmart went:

Dirty D (holding LKT): “Yo, could you grab a cart so we can put the stuff in it?”

Me (not holding LKT): “Yeah, sure.”

I turn around to grab a cart.

I hear some chatter going on behind me.

I grab the cart, whip back around, and BOOM, there she is…The Cat Whisperer.

I’m like 97.2% sure she rappelled from the ceiling or something. Maybe she came up from beneath us. I honestly wouldn’t call you a liar if you told me that she’d vaporized upon seeing us and then regenerated at our location. I mean, it was ninja-esque. As soon as she opened her mouth, I knew I’d better block out a solid hour for this trip to PetSmart. Yippee.

The Cat Whisperer: “Hi, my name is (The Cat Whisperer); do you need help with getting some things for your new kitten?”

Me (in my head, though I almost blurted it out): “For the love of God, D; please say no. Please, please, please say no.”

Dirty D: “Yeah, that’d be awesome.”

Me (again, in my head, but I got even closer to blurting this out): “Awesome? Seriously? You think that’d be awesome? I think I’d rather be tied down while a bunch of kindergartners pull my hair and paint all over my clothes. Awesome?”

The Cat Whisperer then proceeds to tell us that she owns like 3,148 cats, has worked in a cat adoption agency for years, and volunteers at PetSmart’s adoption clinic to help out new owners.

Fantastic. This just keeps getting better and better.

The Cat Whisperer grabs her cart, which has four cats in travel carriers in it. Seriously, I counted them. At first I thought they were empty travel carriers that she was stocking or something. But no, they definitely had cats in them. All of them. While sitting in a shopping cart. Am I the only one who thinks that’s kinda weird? Yes? Ok, never mind then.

Being an optimist, I try to convince myself that her experience is going to lead to a quick trip through PetSmart since she’ll know exactly where everything is, and exactly what LKT will need to grow up big and strong like ox. The 2% of me that’s a pessimist realized that this could also mean that she’d take her sweet time explaining every nuance of every product to us, “informing” us so that we could make the best decision for our new kitten (and by “we”, I mean “Dirty D”, because I didn’t care what we bought as long as it didn’t kill LKT).

I hate it when my pessimist side is right; I really do.

For the next 45 minutes, we peruse the aisles as The Cat Whisperer gives us the in-and-out of every product. Food, toys, beds, bowls; you name it, we got the lowdown on it. The sad thing is that Dirty D wasn’t looking for anything too fancy, because LKT just needed a temporary home until he was old enough to be introduced to the rest of the house (and the other cat). The other sad thing is that Dirty D could tell by the pained expression on my face that I really wanted to vamoose, but he proceeded to ask more and more questions anyway. I respect the fact that he’s a caring owner and wants to do right by LKT; I really do.

But Lank was ready to roll (yes, I just went third-person on you).

Finally, we get everything that we “needed” and say farewell to The Cat Whisperer. She lectured us on proper feeding techniques before she dismissed us from class, and told us to come back and see her if we had any questions or concerns. At least now I know what I can do if I ever have a good hour or so that I need to waste. Glad that’s cleared up.

We check out, put all of LKT’s goodies in my car and head home. Once we’re there, we smuggled LKT and his treasure trove into Dirty D’s room. His mother was unaware that he was getting her a kitten, so we had to be secretive once we got back to his house. That, and his dad probably would’ve punted LKT 50 yards had he known he existed before Dirty D presented LKT to his mom, so the stakes were high.

All’s well that ends well, right? Dirty D kept LKT hidden, his mom was very, very happy with her gift the next day, and LKT got a real name: Peanut.

So, Peanut, live a full, healthy life; respect your elders; say your prayers; take your vitamins; and behave for Uncle Lank whenever he comes to visit. Lord knows that he and Brother Dirty D had to dodge some bullets to get you where you are, so appreciate our efforts and make our trip worthwhile.

Man, the more I think about it, the more it sounds like I should have titled this post “Saving Private Peanut".

~~ Lank

The Joys (And Woes) of Christmas

Seasons Greetings and all of that good stuff. I hope that everyone had a delightful Christmas and got some good presents from old St. Nick. Because I know you were curious about how my holiday vacation went, I’ll be glad to give you some highlights (and lowlights) of my (almost) week at home with Willie P, Baseball Mom, and Big Brother.

-- Going to a high school reunion and seeing some folks that I hadn’t seen in forever. Despite being a young’n, enough time has passed since my high school glory days that it’s good to catch up with old classmates.

-- At said reunion, I was one of the few white people in attendance as my high school was predominantly black. During one episode that night, my homeboy, EP, was trying to close out his tab and was having issues with the bartender. A middle-aged woman, who was sitting next to where EP was standing and, thus, heard everything that was going on, saw me standing next to EP and said, “excuse me, do you work here?” to which EP, without missing a beat, replied, “nah, he’s just white.” Guilty as charged.

-- Seeing “Up in the Air” with Baseball Mom and Willie P. A very good movie. Go see it. Tell ‘em Lank sent ya. Not that that will do anything at the box office, but I’ve always wanted to say that for some reason. Oh, and the movie also gave me a great line to use to my “elders”. Anna Kendrick’s character is talking to George Clooney and Vera Farmiga’s characters, and she says, “I appreciate what your generation did for me…” which can be used myriad ways. I spent the rest of the weekend telling my parents that I appreciate what their generation did for me while doing various things. My testing is still in the beta phase, but I really think I can put that line to good use. I’ll keep you posted.

-- A highlight and lowlight happened on the same trip. I drove a friend of mine to get a new kitten for his mom as a Christmas gift. We got the cat without a problem and things were going well…until we had an encounter with the Cat Whisperer, which is deserving of its own post. Not fun.

-- Kicking it with my boys G’zy and Lefty until 5 am on Saturday night. I hadn’t seen either of them in too long, so it was nice to be up to our old tricks again. I tried to convince Baseball Mom the next morning (later that morning?) that I actually got in around 1 am, but she wasn’t having it. I still haven’t conceded this point to her. (It was also that night that I was introduced to this, so that's obviously another highlight of the weekend.)

-- The Spurs dropping a game to Portland Wednesday night, at home, was pretty irritating. Portland played the game with 3 players, an assistant coach, and a team manager and still beat us on our own floor. How embarrassing.

-- Since we’re discussing sports teams (and by “we”, I mean “me”), the Blues lost two out of three over my break, the Spurs won two out of three, and the Colts JV lost to the Jets. Not exactly the exhilarating weekend I had in mind sports-wise.

-- I can’t decide if it’s a highlight or a lowlight, but hearing about Urban Meyer’s “resignation” almost put Big Brother on suicide watch. Obviously, I don’t want my brother to off himself, but the thought of the best coach in America no longer residing in Gainesville rubbed me the right way. Now that Meyer has decided to return, Big Brother has stepped off the ledge, and I’m getting closer to it. God forbid the Colts lose early in the playoffs again…

-- A trifecta courtesy of one of my friends: she called me on her way into town Wednesday night and talked with me for a couple hours. Then, I got to see her the next day on my way home from the Cat Whisperer experience, and she was somehow wearing a pretty sweet onesie that looked impossible for anyone older than 11 to fit into. But she pulled it off, bless her heart. Finally, she informed me that her parents are fans of Skip To My Lank; so thanks to them for that. All in all, she pushed all the right buttons.

-- Skip ripping into Los Heels for their performance in the Tire Bowl was quite amusing. It was about 5 minutes of unfiltered Skip; and that’s something that I’m never not a fan of. I don’t know if that last sentence makes sense to anyone else but me, but whatever.

-- Not getting to watch a full run of “A Christmas Story” despite its 24-hour loop on TBS. I know, I know; I’m ashamed of me, too.

-- Without question, the highlight of highlights for Christmas ’09 was the look on my parents’ faces when Big Brother and I strolled into their apartment with a brand new 37” LCD TV. The mix of surprise/gratitude/appreciation/shock/joy in their expressions was great to see; and considering that they’ve been responsible for about 100 of those looks from my brother and me in our lifetimes, it was fun to finally turn the tables on them for a change. Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad; we love you. And we also love that we’ll be able to watch all of our shows in HD when we come home now.

~~ Lank

Lank Still Loves The Colts

As you may have heard (unless you don't watch sports or live under a rock...or don't watch sports while living under a rock), the Indianapolis Colts suffered their first loss of the season. Big deal? Eh, not really.

But how they lost it is.

As the blog's resident Colts fan, I'm taking it upon myself to assure you that losing a game isn't the end of the world for this team. 16-0 wasn't the stated goal for this time at any point during the season. Winning the Super Bowl always has been and will be the stated goal for this team. However, I can't help but think that losing to the Jets simply because coach Jim Caldwell pulled his starters to rest them is a bad sign. Had New York simply beat us at full speed with all hands on deck, that would have been one thing. But losing because you're taking your foot off the gas pedal in Week 16 is something else entirely.

A couple weeks back, I argued that the Colts should play all of their starters for the remainder of the year, regardless of the results. By giving them so much time off (their first playoff game won't be until January 16th/17th), the starters are in danger of losing their rhythm and forgetting the things that got them to 14-0 in the first place. You simply cannot take this much time off and expect to be as sharp when the playoffs roll around as you were the first three months of the season.

How do I know this? BECAUSE IT'S HAPPENED THREE TIMES ALREADY TO THE COLTS ALONE!!!

2005, 2007, and 2008. In those seasons, the Colts won at least 12 games, secured their playoff position by late in the season and chose to rest their starters in the last game in order to "rest them" for the playoff run. For the record, the supposed "playoff run" last exactly one game in each of those seasons. In 2006, the one year we actually had to scrap and claw our way to a decent playoff seed, we never benched our starters and ended up...wait, what was the result that year...oh yeah, I remember...WINNING THE SUPER BOWL!!!

Sorry to go all caps twice on you, but I'm just a little frazzled right now. This bout of deja vu is resembling '05, '07, and '08; not '06. I'm not happy about this.

A redeeming quality from the Jets game is that all of the players looked pissed. Not necessarily at Jim Caldwell or his decision, but just pissed that they were losing. If we can somehow channel that motivation into playing hard against Buffalo (you know, until they get benched again) and taking some intensity into the bye week prior to our playoff game, we may be able to salvage this situation after all. Sharpness is key in the playoffs because every team is good and the slightest of mistakes can turn into game-changers. If the intensity is lacking due to the benchings, sharpness will be as well, and that's bad news.

I love my Colts, and I'm not quibbling about a 14-1 record. What I am quibbling about is a troubling trend that seems to be rearing its ugly head yet again. Is it January yet?

~~ Lank

Billy Donovan, Er, Urban Meyer Was Just Kidding

Seriously, is there something in the water down in Gainesville? Two high-profile coaches, two successful coaches, two relatively young coaches, two “never mind, I take it back” decisions.

And they just so happen to both be coaches at the University of Florida.

When men’s basketball coach Billy Donovan decided to go to the Orlando Magic, I was, admittedly, a little surprised. He seemed to have everything going for him at Florida and his program had just racked up two national titles in a row. His decision to return to Florida about 17 minutes later was a bit more surprising because I hadn’t really heard of such an about-face in the coaching profession. I agreed with it and thought it was the correct thing to do, but the circumstances were just odd.

In recent years, coaches like Dana Altman at Creighton and Gregg Marshall at Winthrop spurned gigs at Arkansas and College of Charleston, respectively, to stay where they were (Marshall has since moved to Wichita State). So I guess it’s not all too uncommon, but it certainly doesn’t make it any more sensible. I realize the “leaving was harder than I thought” angle is certainly in play with decisions like these, but didn’t they think about that prior to taking the other job?

But I digress. Back to Pope Urban.

Meyer’s situation is a bit more confusing than all of the aforementioned situations (and even Bill Belichick’s decision to resign from the New York Jets after a few days in order to take the Patriots job) because it’s health-related. No one can deny that he has a few issues to deal with; he has a cyst on his brain and a heart muscle defect. After the details of his apparent resignation surfaced, the decision made sense to me, and I actually admired (admeyered?) Urban’s call. The wherewithal to make such a choice in the midst of such a successful run really took some courage. It’s easier to walk away from an uncertain situation than a prosperous one, but Meyer was doing the opposite.

For a few hours, at least.

Now that he’s back at Florida (and make no mistake, by saying he hopes to be on the sideline for the 2010 opener, he’s essentially saying that he’ll be there without a doubt), I’m concerned for him. His health problems aren’t going to get better, his family is still going to miss him immensely, and the high-stress atmosphere of coaching in the SEC won’t get any easier. What happens to Meyer now if winning all sorts of titles with one of the best runs in college football history made him feel terrible? I’m scared that one day we’ll be looking back on this decision as the one that ultimately backfired on Meyer. Instead of riding off into the sunset with a handful of accomplishments and all of his health, he’ll instead be given a much less happy ending.

Ironic, right? Especially since everyone thought LEAVING Florida was the wrong move.

~~ Lank

What's Next For Florida?

Here I was, sleeping through the Meineke Car Care Bowl when all of a sudden Big Brother said, "Lank, GET UP!" I was worried either somebody was breaking into his apartment, a relative had died, or something else serious happened. It turns out that something serious did happen.

Urban Meyer resigned as head coach of the Florida Gators.

Sure, to most normal families, this wouldn't qualify as "something serious". However, my family isn't quite normal when it comes to our passion for sport. I immediately picked up the computer and began looking for answers. Why? What spurred this? When did he decide? But no one had any answers. Outside of the TV report on ESPN, there were no further details.

Now that the smoke has somewhat settled, a few more things are becoming clear (heck, that article will probably be updated between the time I post it and the time you read it). Meyer has had health problems and they are interfering with his coaching ability. The high-stress occupation of coaching triggers headaches for Meyer, as documented in a story in Sports Illustrated before the SEC Championship Game earlier this month. A cyst on his brain has made him keel over in pain when his stress levels get too high, causing him to feel as if a knife is being stuck into his head repeatedly.

As you can probably imagine, that doesn't sound very fun.

The reward of coaching players and winning titles just isn't worth the pain and effort anymore, so Meyer is hanging up his whistle...for the time being. It should be noted that none of the (early) information mentions this being permanent, so maybe Meyer is looking for a few years of tranquility to get his health problems under control before putting on the headset again. Regardless, we all hope for the best for Urban Meyer and his family. Health problems are nothing to mess around with, so hopefully he can get things back to normal and will no longer have to deal with his aches and pains.

Not to be overly callous, but another question that must be answered is, Now who will take over as Florida head coach? Because I get paid the big bucks at STML, I'll attempt to answer that question for you. Here are my five best guesses, in order, in terms of feasibility. Obviously, Bill Cowher would be a great move for the Gators, but I just don't see him coaching college football...ever. Keep in mind that these guesses are coming a half hour after the story first broke, so if I turn out to be wrong, I'll use that as my excuse. But if I turn out to be right...well, you'll never hear the end of it. Ok, let's get started.

1.) Dan Mullen, Mississippi State head coach - I know that Mullen has only been with the Bulldogs for a season, and hasn't really proven himself as a head coach yet. However, he was Meyer's offensive coordinator at Florida from 2005-2008 and proved to be a quite capable assistant. After to moving to Starkville this season, he took the Bulldogs to a better-than-expected 5-7 record, and gave them a spark on offense that wasn't seen under former coach Sylvester Croom. He knows what it takes to win at Florida and, from all accounts, had a great relationship with his players. If Florida wants to make the best of this unfortunate situation, hiring Mullen is the way to go. Will he leave MSU after only one season? Eh, I'm not sure. Nobody likes to look like a snake, but getting a job like Florida's is the reason that you take a job like Mississippi State's. I'm just sayin', it'd be a hard opportunity to pass up.

2.) Bob Stoops, Oklahoma head coach - It seems like Stoops' name gets thrown around for every big opening, but there's a reason for that. He's done great work in his days in Norman, but you get the feeling that he and the Sooner faithful are growing tired of one another. He's been there since 1999 and sometimes a change of scenery is the best thing for someone. Having been the defensive coordinator at Florida under Steve Spurrier, Stoops is aware of the pressures of coaching at Florida (similar to the pressures at Oklahoma, obviously) and would not be daunted by the task. If the pitch and price are right, I could see Stoops making the move to the Sunshine State.

3.) Mike Shanahan, former NFL head coach - I'm obligated to throw out Shanahan's name simply because he has ties to Florida athletics director Jeremy Foley. Shanahan was mentioned during the 2001 offseason when Steve Spurrier resigned as the Gators' head coach and the search was on for a replacement. At that time, it just didn't make sense because Shanahan was firmly ensconced at Denver and had his eye on another Super Bowl ring. Now? Shanahan is unemployed and looking for the right opportunity to get back into coaching. He's been bandied about with regards to the Washington Redskins and Dallas Cowboys, among others, but I'm not sure if those situations would be right for him (read: meddling owners). At Florida, he would be THE MAN, and could do whatever he wanted with the program. That may be a more attractive option to Shanahan than having a power struggle with an NFL owner.

4.) Jon Gruden, former NFL head coach - Currently an analyst for ESPN's Monday Night Football, Gruden seems to be relaxed in the booth calling the action on the field, but you can tell he misses the action on the field as a coach, too. An x's and o's master, Gruden would be a solid fit in college due to his personality and offensive schemes. However, he's always struck me as a pro coach, so that, combined with his contract renewal at ESPN, make him a longshot. Sure, the contract was signed while Florida still had a head coach (Gruden lives in Tampa), but I don't know if the allure of coaching the Gators will be enough to pull him out of the booth right now.

5.) Charlie Strong, Louisville head coach - The least likely of the five names mentioned here, Strong was Meyer's defensive coordinator at Florida. However, he recently took the head coaching job at Louisville, so it's unlikely that he'd do an about-face after taking over as the Cardinals' head man. Sure, the Florida job is a much better job than the Louisville job, but the PR nightmare that would ensue for both Strong and Florida (for taking someone else's newly-minted coach) might be too much of a risk. I do think that Strong will be a good head coach someday, but you can't take that risk on a guy who has never been a head coach before.

Obviously, these names are all guesses as no information about a successor has been made public. I'm sure AD Jeremy Foley is already working the phones and getting a list in order, but for the time being, your guesses are as good as mine. If Florida follows a logical decision-making process, and I think they will, then these five guys are about the best they can hope for. My opinion? Get Mullen, apologize to Mississippi State, send them a few tickets to Disney World and the Final Four, keep the rest of the staff intact, and get ready for a few more SEC titles.

~~ Lank

Philosophical Question of the Day

"If you took an American animal to Australia, would it shed at the wrong time of the year?"

This is the type of question that keeps us up at night here at Skip To My Lank. We need answers.

~~ Skip and Lank

Life Coach Eddie

On our lunch break the other day, ‘Moo and I decided to hit up the local shopping mall to fetch his lovely bride a Christmas present. Because he’s a grown man, ‘Moo had a plan, so we knew exactly which stores we were going to hit, and would be out of there in plenty of time to get back to work before our breaks were over. Things didn’t quite go as planned due to a couple of stores not having what he wanted, but this turned out to be a blessing in disguise because of one reason:

Eddie.

Eddie works at Lady Foot Locker as a sales associate (calling him simply “a cashier” is an insult to Eddie and all of the people like him who put in a lot of hard hours at the workplace). After trying, in vain, to find the right pair of shoes for ‘Moo’s boo (which might be the coolest title of all time. How would you like to be referred to as ‘’Moo’s boo’ by those closest to you? My thoughts exactly) at other stores, we found a Lady Foot Locker and walked in, heads held high. Grown men shouldn’t be scared to go in Lady Foot Locker when they’re on a business trip – and that’s exactly what it was for us. No games, no fun, no frills; just business.

“Wassup? How y’all doin’?” That was Eddie’s greeting, which made me like him that much more already. ‘Moo responded to Eddie’s inquiry and then told him the particular shoe style for which he was looking. “Oh, we definitely have that; it’s right here, here, here, and here. Those four spots.” I’m tellin’ you, Eddie was on his game. Just the type of performance I’d expect from a highly-respected sales associate at a fine retailer.

After making his selection (with a little help from me; I said “Dang, ‘Moo, those purple ones are legit.” Not that he asked for my input or anything, but I couldn’t help it. The purple shoes were, well, legit), ‘Moo headed towards the register. Sensing us coming, Eddie, without looking up, said, “yo, if you wanna buy that matching jogging suit, I’ll throw that in for fit-ty (50 dollars, for those of you who aren’t fluent in slang or my fruitless attempts at conveying slang via a keyboard).” The jogging suit was hideous, so ‘Moo wisely passed on Eddie’s offer. But the skill and personality with which Eddie delivered his pitch definitely had me considering the deal.

Luckily, ‘Moo was the one buying the gift for ‘Moo’s boo and not me. And the recession continues.

I’m sure you’re wondering, at this point, where the “life coach” role comes into play. Well, I’m glad you’re wondering, because we’ve now come to that point in the story. As we’re checking out, ‘Moo mentions that he might get his boo one more thing for Christmas, but doesn’t want to spend too much because last year she got mad at him for spending too much on her (I respect the fact that ‘Moo took that bullet, though. Can you imagine the vitriol that would’ve spewed from her had he spent too little on her? Yeesh. He definitely erred on the right side). After hearing this, Eddie, seemingly befuddled said, “your wife doesn’t want you to spend too much on her?” ‘Moo confirmed his statement, and Eddie started life-coaching.

“I feel you, dude. My girl ain’t never got mad at me for spending too much on her, but she likes to get on me for other stuff. And I’m 65% Irish (no, really, he said 65%. As in, 13/20 of his lineage is Irish. I don’t really know how he configured that but, again, it’s Eddie, so he’s obviously a reliable source) so I’m a hothead. Whenever she starts coming at me with some talk like that, I just say, ‘girl, you ain’t about to talk to me like that. Nah, I’m a man, you can’t talk to me like no kid.’”

See what I mean by “life coach” now? Dude’s just droppin’ knowledge like it’s heavy.

“And sometimes she tries to make me sleep on the couch, but you know what? I don’t even care. That's what porn's for. That’s what I tell her, too.”

Standing up to your haters; that’s an important life lesson for the children.

“When it comes down to it, the man makes better money, so she knows what it is. I just let her calm down and get her mind right.”

To reiterate, Eddie is a sales associate at Lady Foot Locker. Should I be spelling that “$ales a$$ociate” from now on? Just wondering.

Mind you, this all took place as ‘Moo is checking out. There was really no provocation; Eddie just decided that we needed to be taught some lessons. And I appreciate him for it.

After ‘Moo revealed to Eddie that he was hoping for a PlayStation 3 from his boo (great call, by the way; I’m in love with mine…my PS3, not my boo), Eddie said, “yeah, for real. I told my dad to get me one. Y’all know you can go on eBay and get one for like $50, right?” “Really?” Moo asked. “Yeah, man. ‘Cause it’s like charities and stuff that go on there and try to sell them to make money, so they just take whatever for it. You know, you just gotta bid low and you can get one.”

See? I had no idea that I could lowball a charity in order to get a cheap PlayStation 3. Where was Eddie over a year ago when I purchased mine? Goodness.

The highlight of the whole episode came towards the end of the transaction when Eddie told ‘Moo that if he’d just spend 15 more dollars, he’d get a $25 instant rebate. ‘Moo had no idea how to spend $15 more, so Eddie suggested socks. ‘Moo told him he didn’t want to spend 15 bones on socks, so Eddie simply said, “you know what? Don’t even worry about it; I’ll just take fifteen off anyway. I don't want your girl gettin' mad at you or nothin' like that.” Somehow, a $25-rebate-after-spending-$15-more became just a straight-up-$15-rebate, but whatever. When you’re a man of Eddie’s stature and esteem, you can move mountains like that.

It’s no coincidence that ‘Eddie’ and ‘selfless’ both have two e’s.

‘Moo finished up his transaction and we headed out the store after bidding adieu to our new friend. We concluded that Eddie probably doesn’t get a lot of male customers in Lady Foot Locker, so the sight of one (let alone two) makes him get really excited, causing him to drop a ton of life lessons in the span of five minutes. Honestly, it was one of the top ten performances of anything I’ve ever seen in my life. A tip of the cap, Eddie. Merry Christmas to you and your girl. I hope you get that PS3 after all. Altruism such as yours deserves a reward.

Even if it means lowballing a charity to get it.

~~ Lank

NBA Musings: December 18th

**(note: I've been meaning to post this for a few days now, but kept forgetting. So keep in mind that all of the information on this post is current as of December 18th.)**

With Christmas on the horizon, that means we’re about one-third of the way through the NBA season. It’s happened quickly, hasn’t it? This means that we’re beginning to know what we’re getting out of every team this year. Sure, there have been some injuries and trades that will affect how a team plays from here on out, but for the most part, we can tell who’s going to be productive this season and who isn’t. With that in mind, I’d like to make a few observations about the season up to this point:

-- The Boston Celtics are on an 11-game winning streak, and have won 12 out of their last 13. How ridiculous is that? Well, not so ridiculous when you consider that only two wins in that stretch have come against a team with a winning record (San Antonio and Miami). That’s not to diminish their accomplishment, because Lord knows that winning all of the games you’re “supposed to win” is part of being an elite team, but I need to see more from Boston before I consider them a threat to take down Orlando in the East. Their only loss in that same stretch of games? Orlando. Just sayin’.

-- OKC’s record since I gave them a shoutout in the last edition of Musings? 1-3. My bad, guys. They are currently 12-12 overall. Certainly not bad, but not good enough to make the playoffs out west, either.

-- Nobody gives Dirk Nowitzki more hate than me, but the guy has been terrific this year. Scoring a 27 ppg clip, Dirk has carried the Mavericks in more game than one, and his clutch scoring this year has been off the charts. Sitting at 19-7 now, Dallas would certainly be, at best, 15-11 with Dirk’s end-of-game heroics. Sometimes it’s buzzer-beating scoring (see: Milwaukee and Charlotte games), other times it’s scoring a lot in the second half to ensure victory for his team (see: San Antonio, Oklahoma City, and Philadelphia games). With so many different parts this season, and different rotations being tried by coach Rick Carlisle, Nowitzki has been the steadying force for the second-best team in the West.

-- Yes, New Jersey is historically bad, but don’t let that keep you from watching their second-year center, Brook Lopez. The former Stanford Cardinal was great last year, averaging 13 and 8 in his rookie season, but he’s taken it to another level this year for the Nets. The big fella is averaging 20 and 10, giving New Jersey someone to build around as their franchise undergoes an extensive rebuilding project (both figuratively and literally, with the new arena being built in Brooklyn). Between him and Devin Harris, New Jersey is a lot closer to contention than it appears on the surface. I don’t suggest they trade their Top 5 draft pick in April to get another scorer, but they are a move or two away from being back among the second-tier of the Eastern Conference.

-- What is wrong with the Washington Wizards? After getting everyone healthy in the offseason, I expected them to easily make the playoffs in the East. Despite having Gilbert Arenas, Antawn Jamison, and Caron Butler healthy for the bulk of the season, they have looked out of sync all year and their record (7-16) proves it. They set an NBA record against Sacramento Wednesday night by losing their 6th straight game by less than 5 points. The optimist would say that splitting those games would have their record at 10-13, which would have them in the thick of the East’s playoff race. The cynic would say that even at 10-13, the Wizards would be disappointing. Flip Saunders is a highly-regarded coach in NBA circles, so look for things to improve; but they improvement needs to happen soon or else it’ll be another spring spent at home for Washington.

-- It was great to see Arco Arena in Sacramento sold out for Wednesday night’s game against the Wizards. Back in their heyday, the Kings were one of the most entertaining teams in the league and featured one of the greatest home court advantages. The fans were passionate, knowledgeable, and raucous: the perfect trifecta for an NBA arena. As the Kings have fallen from grace, so too has their groundswell of support from the locals. With an exciting young team and a better-than-we-all-though record (11-13; 10-3 at home), the Kings have re-energized the city and it showed on Wednesday night. The crowd was electric, and the players seemed to feed off that energy, especially late in the game when the outcome was still in doubt. Keep coming out to Arco, Kings fans; the NBA needs people like you.

-- Ten teams in the Western Conference are averaging at least 101 points. Only four teams in the Eastern Conference can say the same. For some reason, I felt like you needed to know this. (FYI: Phoenix leads the league at 108.5 points per game; New Jersey is last at 89.3.)

-- The Boston Celtics have more road victories this season (12) than the Nets, Bobcats, Kings, Timberwolves, Sixers, Bulls, and Hornets combined (11).

~~ Lank

Because I Love You...

I had something else to post here tonight, but I forgot to email the Word document in which I wrote it to myself at home. In order to compensate for my brain fart, and because I love my readers, I'm going to provide you with this YouTube gem. Thank me later.

~~ Lank

College Bowl Game Predictions

New Mexico Bowl: Fresno State over Wyoming

St. Petersburg Bowl: Rutgers over UCF

New Orleans Bowl: Southern Miss over Middle Tennessee

Las Vegas Bowl: Oregon State over BYU

Poinsettia Bowl: California over Utah

Hawaii Bowl: Nevada over SMU

Little Caesars Bowl: Ohio over Marshall

Meineke Car Care Bowl: North Carolina over Pittsburgh

Emerald Bowl: USC over Boston College

Music City Bowl: Clemson over Kentucky

Independence Bowl: Georgia over Texas A&M

EagleBank Bowl: UCLA over Temple

Champs Sports Bowl: Miami over Wisconsin

Humanitarian Bowl: Bowling Green over Idaho

Holiday Bowl: Arizona over Nebraska

Armed Forces Bowl: Houston over Air Force

Sun Bowl: Stanford over Oklahoma

Texas Bowl: Missouri over Navy

Insight Bowl: Minnesota over Iowa State

Chick-Fil-A Bowl: Virginia Tech over Tennessee

Outback Bowl: Auburn over Northwestern

Capital One Bowl: LSU over Penn State

Gator Bowl: Florida State over West Virginia

Rose Bowl: Oregon over Ohio State

Sugar Bowl: Florida over Cincinnati

International Bowl: South Florida over Northern Illinois

Cotton Bowl: Oklahoma State over Ole Miss

Papajohns.com Bowl: South Carolina over Connecticut

Liberty Bowl: Arkansas over East Carolina (sorry, 'Moo)

Alamo Bowl: Texas Tech over Michigan State

Fiesta Bowl: TCU over Boise State

Orange Bowl: Georgia Tech over Iowa

GMAC Bowl: Central Michigan over Troy

BCS National Championship Game: Texas over Alabama

~~ Lank

Why The Colts Should Play to Win

Heading into tonight’s game against the Jacksonville Jaguars (8:20 pm, NFL Network), the big question is whether or not the Indianapolis Colts will play their starters for the duration of the game. Having already clinched home-field advantage throughout the AFC Playoffs, there are some who think the Colts should “shut it down” for the season to allow all of the bumps and bruises of an NFL season to heal.

I couldn’t disagree more.

Having been an Indianapolis fan for years and years, I can recall the Colts’ playoff results off the top of my head…and most of them aren’t good. The two most excruciating losses I’ve suffered as a Colts fan were the 2005 loss to the Steelers in the playoffs (the game was technically played in 2006, but was part of the 2005 season), and the 2007 loss to the Chargers in the playoffs (same principle; different years). The common denominator between these two? The Colts had gotten out to a big lead in the divisional race and proceeded to take their foot off the pedal in the last few weeks in order to get everyone healthy and rested for the playoffs. Meanwhile, the ’05 Steelers and ’07 Chargers had to scrap and claw their way into better playoff positioning, so they’d been playing all of their starters for the full 17 weeks.

Once those results became a reality (2005 was the worst, by the way; that was probably the best Colts team I’ve ever seen), it was clear that resting our players may not be the best strategy to use going into the playoffs. Especially since we had to keep our foot on the gas in 2006 to make the playoffs…and ended up winning the Super Bowl four weeks later. Coincidence? I don’t think so, but the Indianapolis brass does.

Obviously, Bill Polian and Jim Caldwell are a lot more intelligent than me and know their team much better than I do. However, after seeing high seeds who rest their guys down the stretch lose in the playoffs year after year (’05 Colts, ’07 Colts, ’07 Cowboys, ’08 Titans, etc), and seeing teams that have to play with a sense of urgency all year do well in the playoffs (’05 Steelers, ’06 Colts, ’07 Giants, ’08 Cardinals, etc), there seems to be a trend forming.

This isn’t a plea for them to try and win all 16 games this season; a 16-0 season would be nice, but I’d rather win another Super Bowl than have an undefeated regular season and another disheartening playoff loss. If the undefeated record comes, fine; but if it doesn’t, I don’t really care. I just want another ring.

Another reason for my desire to see the Colts continue to play their starters all year is much more simple: their offense and defense rely on a certain rhythm to make plays, more so than most other teams in the league.

Peyton Manning is the best quarterback I’ve ever seen, but even he is prone to starting slowly when given too much time to rest. Why? The Colts’ offense is one that relies on timing and precision to succeed. Manning must get his reps in order to ensure that the rapport with his backs and receivers, and the offense as a result, is at an optimal level. This is one reason that Manning obsesses over attending every practice, workout, and game, no matter what: he needs reps. All of those 12-yard outs, screen passes, and deep crossing routes are much easier to complete when you know exactly when your receivers are going to break, and the spots to which they’ll break. As 18 goes, so go the Colts; so if he needs the playing time to keep his game sharp, shouldn’t the Colts give it to him?

Defensively, the Colts play with a small, quick lineup that is based on pursuit and gang-tackling. The goal is to have as many blue jerseys in the picture as possible, preventing any significant gains from the opposing offense. The Colts defenders play off one another well, pursuing the ball and knowing where the others will be on any given play. When guys are given large amounts of time off, this chemistry is disrupted, and guys aren’t where they should be as often. Playing time is crucial for defenders to get into a rhythm defensively, learning the tendencies of the offense, and knowing exactly what the coaches expect from them with every play call. Without sufficient playing time, the performances are doomed to suffer, which has a deleterious effect on the unit as a whole.

I’ve been encouraged by the way the Colts have played this year. Save for a few games (St. Louis, Seattle, and Arizona come to mind…why can’t we play the NFC West every year?), there haven’t been a lot of blowouts and easy games. Despite the closer-than-expected results in some games (Miami, San Francisco), the Colts have remained poised and have shown the resilience of a champion. A lot of this comes from the consistent play of both the offense and defense. No matter how bad they may look at times, both units remain steadfast in their execution, confident that things will eventually go their way. And thirteen times this year, they have. That consistency doesn’t come about by happenstance; these guys have worked hard to perfect their craft and find ways to make plays no matter the situation. Keeping guys on the bench for large parts of the rest of the season will disrupt this consistency and could threaten the Colts’ bid for another run at a championship.

Do we want to repeat 2005 and 2007? Or do we want to repeat 2006? I don’t know about you, but I had a great time watching them win the Super Bowl in 2006. Let’s try that again.

~~ Lank

I Think I Fell in Love Again

Listen, I’m a simple man. All I want to do these days is drive The Civic, play video games, produce content for Skip To My Lank, watch the Colts/‘Noles/Blues/Spurs play, laugh at jokes that I should be too mature to laugh at but I’m not, watch movies on Blu-ray (I recently bought “The Hangover”), play hide-and-seek with my one-year-old neighbor, text as many people as possible in the course of a day, have important-only-to-us arguments with Skip (i.e. is Fat Joe a hip-hop hall-of-famer?), and pity my roommates, both of whom are in long-term relationships.

But then I had to go and fall in love. Again. Crap.

I don’t have the time or money to be in a relationship. Look at all of those super-important activities I listed above. How am I supposed to do all of that with a new boo? I’m getting ready to lose my job, how am I supposed to afford date nights and birthday presents? I know what you’re asking yourself: “ok, Lank; why are you contemplating being in a relationship then?”

Good question. And here’s my answer: Anna Kendrick.

My, oh my, oh my, what a beauty. As I saw the trailer for “Up in the Air” (which looks tremendous, by the way), I became enamored with George Clooney’s young co-star. I couldn’t quite recall her name when I saw her, but I knew I’d seen her before and that I wholeheartedly approved of her appearance. After doing a little research, I saw that Anna Kendrick was her name; and that I’d seen her in “Twilight” and “New Moon” (don’t judge). Needless to say, I’ve been smitten ever since and, despite my best efforts to remain single, would marry her tomorrow if she asked me to.

I hope Baseball Mom approves.

~~ Lank

Lank and The Civic

Man, it's hard out here for a pimp.

A few weeks ago, I was just trying to drive to my adult league soccer game with no incidents, and some girl had to cross three lanes of traffic without looking and crash right into me. Don't worry, this isn't a post about how women can't drive; that's for another day and another time. No, this one is about the hassle that I've gone through just to get my whip fixed.

First, ol' girl thinks she might want to pay out of pocket, so she has me get a couple of estimates on my car (a Dodge Stratus R/T, which I call "Secretariat"). After realizing how much it's going to be, she goes ahead and files a claim with her insurance company, who then gets in touch with me about the ordeal.

Dealing with the insurance agent was an absolute nightmare. Over the course of the past three or four weeks, I'd guess that I tried calling her 10 times for various information exchanges and the like. Not a single time did I get her. Every single time, I had to leave a message and wait for her to call me back. The funny thing is that her voicemail says that my call is very important to her, and that she will call me back within three hours of getting my message. Apparently, baby girl runs on a different time system than I do, because I've waited a day or two for her to call me back at times. And at the beginning of each voicemail, she mentions the day's date, so it's not like she was on vacation or anything.

Despite all of that, I was able to drop off my car yesterday at the repair shop and have a rental set up for me. Over the phone, the rental agent told me that I was set up for a "compact car", most likely a "Chevy Cobalt or a Ford Focus". I told her that I was 6'4", so that may not be the best option for me. She said that I could probably get upgraded to an "intermediate-sized" car if I just got back in touch with the insurance agent and had her change the request.

I couldn't have declined her proposition any faster. "Uhh, nevermind. The compact car sounds great," I said.

When the rental agent showed up, I thought somebody was playing a joke on me. Why? Because dude rolled up in a Toyota Prius. Seriously, that happened. Those of you who know how I get down know that Lank and hybrids aren't exactly bacon and eggs. I have no desire to plug my car into my bedroom power outlet anytime soon, so I'm not wild about hybrids. Don't get me wrong, I loved driving my Power Wheels jeep; but then I turned 8, so gas became my fuel of choice for my vehicles. I know, I know; I'm the reason that the planet has a fever and we're all going to hell in 2012. I've accepted it. But I voted for Obama, so the hippies still love me.

While riding in the Prius back to the rental place, Mr. Agent Man relieved me when he said, "you won't be driving this car, but we have something ready for you back at the building." Wonderful.

After filling out the requisite paper work and swearing that I wasn't going to rob a bank out of state (but I made no such promises about robbing a bank in state), Mr. Agent Man informed me that I'd be driving a Honda Civic. The Prius Scare of 2009 made this seem like good news, but once I settled down and went out to the car, I was skeptical.

First, The Civic (capitalized because I literally call it "The Civic" whenever I refer to it) is pretty small. Yes, it's a four-door, but there just isn't a whole lot of room in there. Second, it's burgundy. If I'd gotten a black, red, or silver one, I could've made it work. But when you have a small, efficient, four-door compact car that's burgundy, people automatically think you're a soccer mom. Fact. I'm sure every single person that has driven up behind me assumes that I'm a soccer mom until they swerve around me and realize that I'm not. If I weren't such a confident individual, I'd be concerned about this (you know, I'd write a post on my blog about it or something).

Once I started driving it, I realized two things: it has a terrible sound system, and it has no horsepower. When I'm choosing a ride, these are probably items #1 and #2 on my list. I'd almost rather have a legit sound system than four wheels. It's true. I had to switch from one of my new rap CDs ("'Til the Casket Drops" by Clipse) to an R&B CD just to minimize the glaring differences between the sound system in Secretariat and the sound system in The Civic. The horsepower issue reveals itself...oh, I don't know...every single time I hit the pedal. To make things worse, the display has a digital speedometer, so I can actually see how slowly the thing accelerates.

All is not lost however; I've found something redeemable about The Civic: it makes for a good story. When people hear about my lanky behind driving a burgundy Civic, they start laughing before I even get to the subpar sound system and snail-like acceleration. Honestly, The Civic is like a folk hero in my social circle and everyone wants a ride. 'Moo needed to get some grub during his lunch break at work today, so I offered to Hoke Colburn him in The Civic. Needless to say, he jumped at the opportunity and we proceeded to test the performance of the automobile while running various errands. The Civic held up pretty well to our thorough examination, garnering it even more praise and getting it closer to legendary status.

I have no idea how this story will end. I have The Civic for a few more days, so hopefully greatness will ensue before I get Secretariat back. I might even ask a girl out on a date, specifically to drive her around in such a fine automobile. Will I get a second date? Absolutely not, but you're lying if you think that she won't have a good time on a date with a man driving The Civic.

The Civic plays.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #1

As my boy 'Moo and I were sitting through our training class, he turned me on to a website called LogoShak that has a remarkably extensive collection of logos from sports teams and events. Since I needed something new for the blog (and because November has 30 days), I decided to list the 30 worst sports logos of all time. I designated 'Moo as creative director of the project since he a.) found the site before I did, b.) has a good eye for a bad logo, and c.) agreed to go through half of the logos on the site so that I didn't have to spend even more time than I already do with unproductive exercises. I will be listing one per day for the next 30 days. There was no strict criteria; it just had to look ugly. Sometimes the logos were too busy, some of them had terrible color schemes, and some were just way too plain. Regardless, we tried to put together list of the all-time worst for your enjoyment (or displeasure, whichever). Let's keep this train rolling...

#1 - Savannah State Tigers

And there it is!!! The worst logo in the history of sports. Savannah State University, take a bow! Honestly, it wasn't that close. Once 'Moo and I realized that this was a real logo and not a fake version created by a computer vandal from a rival school, we knew it was #1. Honestly, why do you have a logo that looks as if it were graffiti'd by someone who trespassed onto campus in the middle of the night? Smarter people than me run this university, and they have to know that that's not a good thing. Right? I mean, am I just being silly here? If I am, feel free to let me know. Whenever a new logo is designed, I'm sure fans from that team say, "well, I guess it's ok; at least it doesn't look vandalized like the logo for Savannah State." Wait, what? They don't say this? Well, they should. And that, my friends, is why the Savannah State Tigers officially have the worst logo in the history of sports. Man, that's terrible.

~~ Lank