Yesterday, we were learning how to sign on to the new computer system which we'll be using at our time with Company X. Yes, I'm just a young pup, which means I'm technologically savvy by default, but I just don't understand why "older" people have such a difficult time with the simplest of processes...such as signing on to a computer system. User name; password; enter. That's it. However, people were having a fit with this. In a class of about 25 people, 12 were struggling to navigate the treacherous terrain that is computer software. Noticing the trend, our fearless leader (who we'll call Trainer One) asked the class from where the difficulties were stemming. She was asking simple yes or no questions, but kept getting flustered, open-ended, non-helpful answers from those in need.
I guess this is a good time for a tangent. My buddy, 'Moo, and I were just chillin' while this was going on. We're blessed with the requisite computer genes, so we had about as many problems getting into the system as the Eagles had with the Raiders last Sunday...wait, bad example. Scratch that. Anyway, Moo and I are taking this opportunity to do really important things; like look at Balloon Boy t-shirts, send each other emails back and forth about Hulk Hogan's pending book, and wonder how hard it is for people to sign in to a computer system. Don't get me wrong, God only knows what's on the other side of the login screen after you gain access; but actually getting into the system is about as hard as beating the Raiders...crap, another bad example. I'll get it together, I promise. Anyway, 'Moo and I are sensing the rising tide of frustration from those in need and are bracing for impact in 3......2.....1...
And then it happened. Trainer One, growing tired of the non-helpful answers mentioned above, began to ask individuals in need questions about their specific problems. When someone suggested how she should go about helping the others, she looked him dead in the eye and said, "I'M DOING THIS! OK? I'M DOING THIS!" 'Moo and I about lost it. Little did we know that the best was yet to come. Still not getting any useful information out of those in need, Trainer One threw up her hands in exasperation and yelled, "You know what? Forget it. I'm done. You guys obviously don't want to listen to me, and I've had enough of this. (Trainer Two) can take it from here. I'm finished."
Needless to say, 'Moo and I didn't hold it together very well. He's more of a grown man than I am, so he was pretty solid, but I couldn't help but laugh at the spectacle. The frustration in the room was palpable (all because a few people couldn't simply sign into a system with a self-explanatory process), and it boiled over when Trainer One yelled out in irritation. Really funny stuff. By this time it was 4:15 pm (we get out every day at 4:30), and that type of outburst was exactly what I needed to get me through the last sprint of the day.
Afterward, as 'Moo and I were leaving the building, and he said, "man, I'm not gonna lie, I was thisclose to just leaving the room. That was ridiculous." I couldn't help but begin laughing hard once again, because I had the exact same thought, and was wondering if that was inappropriate of me. Apparently not. 'Moo seemed to be half-annoyed/half-amused by the whole situation, but I for one thought it was perfect. The bewildered company people being led by the third-party trainers, resulting in a wondrous blend of confusion and unintentional comedy. Man, that was awesome.
The fun didn't stop there, though. Today, we had a group meeting with several of the other training classes, probably about 70 to 80 people in all. My manager's manager was leading the show, so I had to behave, but that doesn't mean I didn't laugh a time or six. 'Moo was my wingman and we set up a table in the back (as always; in the words of 'Moo, "I know you grabbed a spot in the back of our training class so that you could surf the internet all day, and I grabbed the spot directly in front of you because I knew you wouldn't judge me for doing the same thing." Ah, training classes, aren't they grand?) to observe the goings-on. The meeting failed to disappoint, as people began asking weird questions about severance packages and bonuses and time off...you know, the really important things during a conversion.
The best part was the girl who raised her hand and asked my manager's manager, "yeah, I know that Company X has a policy where you get penalized for being late and stuff. And, like, if you miss a day and it's unexcused or whatever, you also get a penalty for that. And I heard that if it happens 9 times (yes, she really said nine times), you get terminated."
Oh boy, she just dropped the t-word in a group meeting about the conversion process. You can probably guess what happened next.
Chaos ensued with people beginning to grumble and gossip. Meanwhile, 'Moo and I leaned over to one another and began saying "gossip gossip gossip" entirely too loud, while pretending to say it in each other's ear quietly. Mature? No, not really. Funny? Quite.
Not to be outdone by some of the other questions, that same girl raised her hand later in the session (at least she's polite) and promptly asked the same question, just in different phrasing. I mean, really; at what point do you not understand that you're telling on yourself? It kinda got swept under the rug, but you had to bring it back up and make sure everyone knew that you're worried about being penalized for being a slacker. Why didn't she just say, "excuse me, I have a terrible attendance record, I don't always show up on time, and I can honestly say that it's going to happen a lot more than 9 times this year. If you could just go ahead and terminate me now so that we don't have to waste each other's time, I'd appreciate it." Well, I guess, looking back, she did say that, just not in those exact words.
Equally enjoyable was the fact that all of this occurred around, roughly, 4:10 pm, so by the time the meeting was finished, we were all allowed to leave. Not only had my afternoon entertainment come through, it had come through twice in two days. That's legit. In order to keep up my streak, I may have to crank up another one of my co-workers, an absolute 1980s warrior who still loves U2 and Top Gun with the same veracity that he did in 1986, who dropped the following quote as we were clocking out for the day. When discussing separating athletes and actors and their accomplishments from who they are as people, he said:
"Look, I'm gonna be honest; if you were to give me $50 million as a 21-year-old, you'd probably be reading about me in the same article as Len Bias." Yes, I might need to add that to my list of quotes of the year; but I'm also going to need that same quality every day around 4:00 if I have any chance of surviving my training class. Me and 'Moo both.
~~ Lank
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