Movie Review: "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra"

I'm going to come clean: I haven't seen "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra". As a matter of fact, I have been on a crusade all summer long telling people not to see it. Why? Because it looks terrible. Godawful. Atrocious. Based on all of the previews I've seen, it resembles the cartoon and comic series about as much as old Michael Jackson resembled young Michael Jackson. Everybody knows I love Mike and I'd never take a shot at the King; but the guy just didn't look anything at 50 like he did at 20, that's all I'm saying.

I won't even waste your time telling you not to go see it again. I feel like I've done my part to turn everyone I know away from the theaters. Not a single person that I've talked to since Friday has seen the movie. That, my friends, is a good feeling. No, not that people actually listened to me; but that nobody that I care for is going to waste two hours (or more, I don't even know) of their lives on this garbage.

The "X-Men" movies were great; "Iron Man" was off the hook; and the new incarnations of "Batman" have been lights out. Why is it that my favorite cartoon growing up can't get the same treatment? I don't know either, but until I hear otherwise, I'm holding out hope that Christopher Nolan will come rescue my favorite franchise as well.

A guy can dream, right?

~~ Lank