Dancing With The Stars Recap: Week 1

Ok, that was interesting. Mostly in a good way.

At the behest of my loving mother, Baseball Mom, I decided to watch Dancing With The Stars this season. And by "behest," I mean that had I not watched it, I would have been unable to return home ever again. Ever. Why? Two words: Donny Osmond.

Anyway, I was unable to watch Monday night's episode (in which the male contestants danced) due to my fervent allegiance to the Indianapolis Colts. Yes, the Colts tried to make me collapse, but I still love them. However, I told Baseball Mom to send me text updates (to read after the game) to let me know how things were going. I would try to put them into my own words, but why would I undercut a professional like that? Here's what she had to say:

8:11 pm - "Aaron: cha cha not bad. Two dances tonight. Backstreet Boys are in the house"
8:15 pm - "The two dances are the cha cha and the waltz"
8:21 pm - "Chuck: fox trot awful"
8:23 pm - "Some of his fellow fighters were there"
8:34 pm - "Mark from iron chef cha cha very good"
8:43 pm - "Ashley Hamilton fox trot so so"
8:55 pm - "Donny fox trot HOT!" (shocker there)
9:07 pm - "Louie the skate boarder so so and he has a nice smile. I think Jermaine (Jackson) is sitting with Marie (I think she meant Osmond, but I really don't know that for sure. And, for the record, Louie is a snowboarder)"
9:17 pm - "Michael cha cha too tight and arrogant"
9:30 pm - "Tom cha cha not too bad he danced to wild thing"
9:45 pm - "Donny was so awesome on the second dance!" (another surprise, right?)

To double-check on my mother, I YouTubed a few of the routines later that night and I agree with most of her assessments. So, let's move on to the ladies, shall we?

Tuesday night's episode featured the 8 female contestants: Macy Gray, Joanna Krupa, Melissa Joan Hart, Natalie Coughlin, Debi Mazar, Mya, Kelly Osbourne, and Kathy Ireland. I had never seen the show up to this point, so I didn't really know what to expect. I must admit, however, that I enjoyed the episode. The dancing was entertaining, the structure of the show was well-paced, and the judges were quality. I liked it. There, I said it.

In terms of performance, Joanna, Kelly, and Natalie were terrific. Kelly Osbourne came out and waltzed, which is probably the last thing I'd have expected to happen. She was great, though. Joanna's salsa nearly made me fall in love, but I'm already taken. On the other hand, Macy and Kathy left a lot to be desired. They seemed stiff and really didn't perform so much as they survived. Mya, Melissa, and Debi were solid, but I want to see more from them in the coming weeks. After seeing all of the dances, I was hoping that Wednesday night's elimination episode would lead to Macy Gray and Ashley Hamilton being axed. They weren't good and needed to be let go immediately. Hey, speaking of that episode...

So tonight, I watched the results show. After drawing out the drama for all it was worth, it was revealed that Ashley was the guy chosen to be eliminated (or, I guess, not chosen to advance since it's all based on fan votes). Thus, I was one-for-one in my picks. All I needed was Macy go get the heave-ho and I would be a content (new) viewer for next week's episodes. Following a tribute to Patrick Swayze by the professional dancers, the female who would be eliminated was finally revealed...Macy Gray. Yep, that's right, two-for-two on the evening for Lank. This reminds me of the (only) season of American Idol I watched, when I chose Jordin Sparks and Blake Lewis as my favorites from the get-go. The finalists that year? Jordin and Blake. Don't worry, I'll bow later.

All in all, I enjoyed the first week of shows. Yes, it's an insane commitment (two two-hour shows and a one-hour results show), but that lightens up in the coming weeks as the field gets smaller. I look forward to watching the show to see if Clarissa, the Playmaker, and the rest are able to survive the onslaught that is Donny Osmond. You should've seen him on Tuesday night (while the ladies were dancing). He had this look on his face like, "really? You're coming at me with that? I can sleepwalk better than you're dancing right now." I'm telling you, the guy's a killer on the dance floor and has to be the favorite (along with Joanna on the female side) to make the finals.

(Mom, seriously, quit calling me, I promise that I'm being (mostly) genuine in my compliments about him. Only 12% are sarcastic, ok? I love you.)

Check back next week to see the continuation of my expert opinion concerning the goings-on of this season's edition of Dancing With The Stars.

~~ Lank