I love college football. This is no secret. It's my favorite sport, and every year I get jacked up for fall Saturdays. It's what I do, and I will never apologize for it. When people ask me in October, "what are you doing this weekend?" and I say, "watching football," they try to ask more questions as if there's more to my weekend. There isn't, so quit looking for more. I wake up, watch every game I can, and then go to bed. That's it. College football (and the NFL, to an extent, on Sundays) consumes my life.
However, that's not to say that I wouldn't make a change or two (or eight). No, not the BCS; I'm fine with it. Really, I am. That's a whole different post that I'll have produce the second week in December when everybody's mad that (insert one-loss team here) didn't get into the big game when (insert another one-loss team here) did. Rather than list these changes out for you in my national outlook, I've decided to keep them inside so that I don't sound like a whiner. I love college football and will not hate on her. Think about your girlfriend/wife/fiancee. Yes, they're flawed, but you're not going to say that out loud, nor are you going to give your friends a laundry list of things you'd change about her. That's just not nice, nor does it accomplish anything. She's not changing just like my girlfriend (yeah, I said it), college football, isn't changing.
Except for one thing. You know how there's that one little thing about your girlfriend that drives you nuts and you complain about it to anyone who'll listen (yes, you always deny this when your boo brings it up, but you know what I'm talking about)? That's me with college football conference schedules. They're a joke. They're uneven, they don't work, and they don't allow every team to play one another throughout the season, thus leaving the door open for co-champions. How lame. Only the Pac-10 has 10 teams and plays 9 conference games. The Big East has 8 teams, so their 7-game schedule works out well, but all of the bigger conferences have 8-game conference slates in leagues that have more than 9 teams. That's just silly.
Because I love you, college football, and because I have entirely too much free time on my hands (remember, no living, breathing girlfriend; just a sport that doesn't love me back), I'm realigning conferences and making it so that all 120 teams fit into 10-team leagues that will play 9 conference games, ensuring that everyone will play every other team in their conference. Except for Army and Navy. I like them being independent and making their own schedules, so they remain that way. Two conferences have been adjusted for this by only including 9 teams. Without further ado, here is the Skip To My Lank College Football Conference Realignment Plan.
Atlantic Coast Conference:
Members - North Carolina, Duke, NC State, Wake Forest, Clemson, Georgia Tech, Florida State, Virginia, Virginia Tech, and Maryland
Logic - Bye bye, Miami and Boston College, it was fun. The most northern and southern neighbors in the current ACC must go because they just don't fit. The expansion brought in Virginia Tech, which works for a number of reasons, but the Eagles and 'Canes are square pegs in round holes in this conference.
Big Ten:
Members - Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Michigan State, Ohio State, Northwestern, Minnesota, Purdue, Wisconsin
Logic - Penn State, keep it real. Though the Nittany Lions have certainly shown an ability to be competitive in the league, it was a lot more fun when it was 10 Midwestern schools that liked to throw down. Plus, I'm tired of people who have no comedic talent whatsoever calling the conference the "Big Eleven" and thinking it's funny. Because it's not.
Southwest Conference (formerly the Big 12):
Members - Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Arkansas, Houston, TCU, Baylor, SMU
Logic - I'm a sucker for tradition, so I'm bringing back the SWC...with a twist. Rather than including Rice, I'm adding Oklahoma and Oklahoma State to keep the conference strong. The Sooners and Cowboys were around for the infancy of the old SWC before fleeing for the Big 8. Now, everybody's back together and it's sure to be one heck of a show.
Big East:
Members - Cincinnati, Louisville, Pittsburgh, Syracuse, West Virginia, Connecticut, Rutgers, Boston College, Notre Dame, Penn State
Logic - Basically, I took the 8 teams in the current Big East, subtracted South Florida, an odd fit, and added Boston College, Penn State, and Notre Dame. This is a great move, I think. Notre Dame isn't relevant enough anymore to justify being an independent, and they could start solid regional rivalries with Cincy and Louisville. Boston College makes more sense with the Northeastern vibe of this conference than it does for the ACC. Penn State doesn't fit well in the Big Ten, but could settle in here with West Virginia and Pittsburgh and geographical rivals. This was one of my finer strokes as a realignment artist. I'm proud of it.
Southeastern Conference:
Members - LSU, Ole Miss, Mississippi State, Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, Miami, Alabama, Auburn, Kentucky
Logic - South Carolina fans are going to hate me for taking them out of their conference, but heck, they've only been there since 1991 anyway. They're never going to be competitive in the current SEC, so I'm basically doing them a favor. Vandy has to go because smart schools can't function in a league that emphasizes paying players and getting them accepted no matter what. That's just science. Arkansas makes more sense in the SWC than the SEC and would be a great fit there. It works all the way around. Trust me, Gamecock fans.
Pac-10:
Members - Arizona, Arizona State, California, Stanford, USC, UCLA, Oregon, Oregon State, Washington, Washington State
Logic - If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Thank you, Pac-10, for actually making sense with your membership group.
Conference USA:
Members - East Carolina, Marshall, UCF, Vanderbilt, Temple, Buffalo, Middle Tennessee State, South Florida, South Carolina, UAB
Logic - This conference was the toughest for me to rearrange. There aren't a lot of geographic similarities here, and I mixed power conference teams with mid-major teams. South Florida and UCF play a decent rivalry game, so making them conference mates makes sense to me. Buffalo and Temple are throw-ins from the Northeast, but I had nowhere else to put them. I do think that this conference has potential, however, and maybe South Carolina can finally win a conference championship.
Sun Belt:
Members - North Texas, Southern Miss, Arkansas State, Troy, Florida International, Florida Atlantic, Louisiana Tech, UL-Lafayette, UL-Monroe, Tulane
Logic - A lot of the teams are the same here, but I just swapped a few out to make more geographic sense. Southern Miss, Tulane, and Louisiana Tech fit in well here, despite the fact that the Golden Eagles and Bulldogs are higher-quality programs. Think of them as the new Boise State of this league.
Western Athletic Conference:
Members - Hawaii, San Jose State, San Diego State, Nevada, UNLV, Idaho, Fresno State, UTEP, New Mexico, New Mexico State
Logic - Once again, a grouping that makes too much sense not to do. Those random California schools now all have a home together, and the Nevada/New Mexico pairs provide solid depth to the conference. Boise State was too good for everybody anyway, so now things are wide open again. Thank me later, guys.
Mid-American Conference:
Members - Toledo, Miami (OH), Ohio, Kent State, Bowling Green, Akron, Ball State, Western Michigan, Eastern Michigan, Central Michigan
Logic - 6 Ohio schools, 3 directional Michigan schools, and a throw-in from Indiana. Perfect. They could take a bus to all of their games if they wanted.
Mountain West Conference:
Members - Air Force, BYU, Utah, Tulsa, Wyoming, Boise State, Colorado State, Colorado, Utah State
Logic - Our first 9-team league, the MWC now features Tulsa and Boise State, two of the better mid-majors out there, to go along with the power teams in BYU and Utah. Colorado gets demoted after performing poorly in the Big 12 in pretty much every sport (but mainly football), and is now considered a solid opponent for every school in the conference. I honestly think this could work out well for the Buffaloes.
Great Plains Conference:
Members - Memphis, Western Kentucky, Kansas State, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Iowa State, Rice, Northern Illinois
Logic - Our second 9-team league, the Great Plains Conference includes most of the current Big 12 North teams to maintain all of those rivalries. However, there is a drop-off after them to Memphis and Rice, but their big-city recruiting grounds should allow them to catch up now that they're in a serious conference. Northern Illinois and Western Kentucky were thrown in because they're a lot closer, geographically, to the rest of these schools than you think.
So there you have it. My realignment plan in all its glory. I realize it's not perfect; some teams are entering tougher conferences and some teams are stepping down on the prestige pole, but it all works out for the better. The Big East, ACC, SEC, SWC, Pac-10, and Big Ten are stronger than ever and keep their BCS tie-ins. The Great Plans, Mountain West, and C-USA are in the next-tier, which is more than the current landscape, in which the MWC is the only reasonable option as a second-tier league. The rest are a couple notches below the big boys, and my plan wouldn't affect that one bit, except that only three conferences are way sub-par (Sun Belt, MAC, and WAC) as opposed to four in today's alignment (Sun Belt, MAC, WAC, C-USA). Traditions are upheld, rivalries are maintained, and some new blood is infused into conferences for the better. A win-win for universities, fans, and even the powers-that-be in college football.
Now, if I could just figure out how to get all of these teams on board, we could get the ball rolling. Well, at least I have something to do with my free time now.
~~ Lank
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