Facebook Etiquette

With "social sites" becoming more and more popular these days, people are worried about what type of "content" is associated with their profile. Basically, they don't want silly pictures or profane comments put on their respective pages. Personally, I don't care what is put on my page because it's either funny or embarrassing; but certainly not incriminating or blackmail-worthy. Thus I've put together a list of things that should NOT be put on a friend's Facebook, Twitter, or MySpace page (you know, if you're sketchy and still have a MySpace page).

1.) Drunk pictures - I don't mean pictures taken while the person is inebriated; I mean pictures taken while the person is obviously inebriated. Yes, they're funny, but you're friend will just end up getting rid of them anyway.

2.) Profane messages - Yeah, it's kind of cool to get a profanity-laced wall post from a friend when their words make a funny story even funnier. But it's just not worth explaining to your mother or uncle how/why it's funny. Remember, old people have Facebook accounts now, too. And, as Will Smith told us, parents just don't understand.

3.) Questions about what that person is doing with their life - Look, I'm sure they're flattered that you decide that a year and a half is long enough to go without talking to them. However, there are much more personal ways of catching up than asking them what they've been up to via a Facebook message. Not only does it ring hollow in the sincerity department, most people take forever to check their inbox. Write an email or (gasp) call them on the phone.

4.) Updates about what you're doing with your life - We realize that you lead a very important life and are super busy and don't have time for phone calls or emails. However, we're not on the edges of our seats, waiting for news about your new cat or your first day of work. Sorry to disappoint you. If it really is that important, you should have my number. If you don't have my number, then we're probably not close enough that I'd care what happened one way or another.

5.) Offers to hang out - Really? You're asking someone to hang out on a social network site? Get your life together.

6.) Responses to offers to hang out - If someone texts you or calls you asking what your plans for the weekend might be, don't write a long excuse for not being able to kick it on their Facebook wall. Not only are you obviously lying by doing so, but it's a public form of rejection, and that's not fun for anybody...unless it's an ex.

7.) Good luck/well wishes - If I needed good luck at my kickball game (which I don't because I'm a kickball champion), I wouldn't exactly be rushing to my Facebook profile to look for it. How impersonal can you get? Aren't well wishes supposed to be from the heart?

8.) Incriminating pictures - Please, please, please "proofread" the photos before you post them. Incrimination doesn't necessarily mean from the cops, it could also mean from a girlfriend. Nobody wants their boo asking them who that girl was in the picture with them. Think about your friend and his tolerance level for nagging the next time you think it'd be funny to put up a picture of him and the girl that was hitting on him all night. Unless of course he owes you money and has "forgotten" to pay you; in that case, post to your heart's content.

9.) Really emotional stuff - We know that you love your boyfriend and he loves you back. However, we don't really need to see it posted on his profile, nor his stuff all over yours. It's like PDA, except it's cyber PDA, which sounds even sketchier. Please, for all of us, keep that between the two of you.

10.) Messages about how busy you are - I know your type of person. Always on the go, always having something to do...most of it self-inflicted. I don't want to hear about how busy you are when you're the one that signed up for 8 church groups, 2 sports teams, and 3 pilates classes. You knew when you took on all that stuff that you'd be stretched thinner than an anorexic teenager, so why are you complaining about it now? Just wondering.

11.) Updates about your travels - We get it; you're in a cool place on vacation, we're not. What about that seems appealing for us to read? Jerk.

12.) Weather-related messages - This is mostly for Facebook status or Twitter updates, but I hate when someone says, "sooo cloudy outside, I want to take a nap." Honestly, I don't care what the weather is if it's in a different city; and if you live where I do, then I'm probably experiencing the same conditions. What about this seems so interesting to report? As a matter of fact, I don't need a cloudy day to take a nap, but you don't see me posting that, do you?

Ok, I think that's all of the ill-advised Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace updates that I have for now. If something strikes me later, I'll be sure to update the list. Feel free to drop in a few of your own in the comments section; I'm sure there are other things that irritate people that I may have overlooked. Stay thirsty, my friends.

~~ Lank