NFL First Quarter Report Cards

That was quick. Now that we’ve zoomed through the first four weeks of the NFL season, I will assign grades to each team. The grades are strictly for the first four weeks of the season, not necessarily how I think they’ll perform in the remaining thirteen weeks. Also, the grades are relative to where I thought each team would be at this time of year. It’s easy to give an 0-4 team an F right off the bat, but if you expected them to be 0-4 right now, are they really not meeting your expectations? Just saying. Anyway, let’s see what Professor Lank cooked up for his pupils.

New York Giants (4-0): As I was watching NFL games with Big Brother Sunday (my favorite team, the Colts, and his favorite team, the Broncos, played back-to-back on TV, which almost never happens), I asked, “when did the Giants get so freakin’ good?” We couldn’t really pinpoint a date, but obviously it happened sometime in the latter stages of the 2007 season. Yes, they won 4 non-home games to win the Super Bowl that year, but there was a sense that they had a lot of mo’ going into the playoffs. So, we’ll just say in mid-2007, the Giants got a swagger and have ridden it to one of the best runs in the league in the last 3 seasons. By the way, since his rookie year, Eli Manning hasn’t missed the playoffs. Not once. Expect that trend to continue this season, as Eli looks better than ever, leading a group of young receivers without a proven commodity to success. Grade: A-

Philadelphia Eagles (2-1): This is why some graders give an “incomplete” grade. Donovan McNabb, their starting QB, was hurt in Week 1’s demolition of Carolina, and missed the team’s next two games. Kevin Kolb performed admirably, but the Eagles were dismantled by New Orleans at home, before recovering to beat the lowly Chiefs. I’m still not sure what to expect from this team in the coming weeks, but I do know that with McNabb returning, they’re more likely to perform as expected. I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt here since they’ve played in pretty much every NFC title game since I can remember. Grade: B-

Dallas Cowboys (2-2): Yuck. What was supposed to be a much looser team with the exile of Terrell Owens to Canada (oops, sorry Bills fans, I keep forgetting that your team hasn’t moved to Toronto…yet), has played like anything but. Roy Williams looks flummoxed, Patrick Crayton still isn’t reliable, and the running game has had all sorts of injury issues. And Tony Romo? Umm, well, you know. He’s Tony Romo. Grade: C-

Washington Redskins (2-2): They’ve beaten the Rams and Buccaneers (combined wins: 0), and lost to the Lions (Detroit’s only win in its last 145 games or something). Translation: the ‘Skins aren’t good. Not even close. Clinton Portis still doesn’t have a touchdown, and Jason Campbell hasn’t shown the ability to consistently lead his team down the field…for the third year in a row. Mr. Snyder, please put down the guillotine. Grade: F

Minnesota Vikings (4-0): I’m not quite on the bandwagon yet. Yes, Favre looked brilliant on Monday night against the Packers, but were it not for a last-second laser the week before, they’d have lost to the 49ers at home. Wins over Cleveland and Detroit in the first two weeks tell us nothing, so we don’t have much of a sample size on which to gauge them yet. Adrian Peterson has only hit 100 yards once this season (Week 1 against the Brownies), and hasn’t looked as dominant as we’ve become accustomed to seeing. Remember, these grades are based on what we’ve seen, and not what I’m expecting to see (which is Peterson get loose in the coming weeks). The defense has been lights out, and DE Jared Allen looks especially good. A dangerous team, most likely, but I am refusing to crown them until I see more. Grade: B

Chicago Bears (3-1): Jay Cutler has dropped his gunslinger mentality and actually plays like a smart quarterback now. That’s unfortunate for those of us who enjoyed his 400-yard passing days, but great news for the Bears. Despite a bad receiving corps, if Cutler can continue to play well, they might make the playoffs after all. Has anyone seen Matt Forte lately? If so, please return him to Soldier Field as soon as possible. Thanks. Grade: B-

Green Bay Packers (2-2): I have tons of respect for Aaron Rodgers. Every time he drops back to pass, there’s a 78% chance he’s going to get rocked. Yet, he was turnover-free through the first 3 games before running into a jacked Vikings D on Monday night. The Packers have to find a way to protect him or their season is going to go downhill quickly. The defense hasn’t quite adjusted to new coordinator Dom Capers’ 3-4 scheme yet, but hopefully that will come with time. Grade: C

Detroit Lions (1-3): They won a game, does anything else matter? Rookie QB Matthew Stafford has looked solid for a first-year player and WR Calvin Johnson is still a freak. The defense is much-improved under coach Jim Schwartz, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Detroit won another couple games this year. Grade: B-

New Orleans Saints (4-0): You know how, in the past few years, everyone has said, “man, if the Saints could just get a defense to help out that offense, they’d be in good shape”? Well, everyone was right. Defensive coordinator Gregg Williams has worked wonders, and despite QB Drew Brees looking rather ordinary in his past two games, they’ve still managed to win both. These aren’t your daddy’s Saints (I don’t even know what that means, but it felt right). Grade: A

Atlanta Falcons (2-1): Hmm, what to do with the Falcons? They beat two pretty bad football teams (Miami and Carolina) at home, but looked outclassed on the road at New England. Michael Turner is only averaging 3.5 yards per carry and they don’t look as intense on defense as they did last year. I’m not entirely sold on their prospects for a repeat trip to the playoffs, but they’re not terrible either. They’ve won the games they should and lost the coin-flip game. Not bad. Grade: C+

Carolina Panthers (0-3): Skip loves the Panthers. More than anything. As a matter of fact, I’m quite certain that if I were held at gunpoint and the triggerman told Skip that if she shot me in the head, the Cats would win the Super Bowl that year, Skip would help him prepare to fire. That’s why I respect Skip; he’s a man of principle. Anyway, I say all that to say this: Skip is pissed at the Cats right now. He’s mad at coach John Fox for not preparing his team to play; he’s mad at GM Marty Hurney for not using his draft picks to find adequate depth; he’s mad at Julius Peppers for taking up so much cap space while dogging it for the fifth year in a row; he’s mad at Steve Smith for breaking off that slant route against Dallas; basically, he’s just mad. It’s the first time I’ve heard Skip use the words “Cowher” and “Panthers” in the same sentence without sarcasm. Frankly, as his friend, I’m frightened for his emotional well-being right now. That sums up the 2009 Carolina Panthers for you, people. Grade: F

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-4): Remember, it’s all relative. I predicted the Bucs to go 2-14 this year, so I can’t say that I’m all that surprised they’re 0-4. That being said, the handling of their quarterback situation has been weird, and Raheem Morris still hasn’t convinced anyone he is ready to be an NFL coach. Remember how guys like Mike Tomlin and Ken Whisenhunt came in and gave you the feeling that they knew what they were doing? We’re still waiting on that from Morris. This is just a bad football team, and I wouldn’t expect much out of them the rest of the year. Grade: C-

San Francisco 49ers (3-1): Well, hello there, Niners. I didn’t expect a whole lot from them this year. Frank Gore had an injury-plagued season last year, Shaun Hill was their starting quarterback, and they had no proven receivers. Somehow, they’ve managed to start 3-1, with their only loss being a last-second heartbreaker to Minnesota. Mike Singletary, you’re the man. Grade: A

Arizona Cardinals (1-2): Let’s be real for a minute. They were a 9-7 team last year that got hot for a month in January. They lost both coordinators in the offseason, and face a tougher schedule this year. There were bound to be some hiccups, but the butt-whoopin’ at the hands of Indianapolis, and the beating given out by San Fran show us that the Cards still aren’t quite ready for primetime. Grade: C-

Seattle Seahawks (1-3): Similar to the Eagles, the Seahawks are one of the five teams in the NFL with a bird as their mascot. Wait, I meant for that to read, “Similar to the Eagles, the Seahawks have missed their starting quarterback early this season.” Ok, much better. Matt Hasselbeck going down has really hurt this team’s chances in a couple games. It’s hard to criticize them too much because they nearly beat the Bears with Seneca Wallace at the helm, so you have to believe that once Hasselbeck comes back, they’ll be good to go. Grade: B-

St. Louis Rams (0-4): The Rams have a problem: none of their players are any good. Yeah, Jason Smith and Chris Long look to be good draft picks that bode well for the future, but a receiving corps of Donnie Avery and Keenan Burton (one of my favorite names in the NFL, by the way) isn’t going to get the job done. QB Marc Bulger is still brittle and ineffective, and RB Steven Jackson is the only beacon in the darkness. But they’re playing hard for coach Steve Spagnuolo, and we kind of expected this, so I can’t be too harsh. Grade: C-

New York Jets (3-1): While everyone in the media has a man-crush on Rex Ryan and every girl in the tri-state area has a crush on rookie QB Mark Sanchez, I’m remaining skeptical. Yes, the defense is good, and yes, Sanchez is showing uncommon poise for a rookie. However, their skill position players aren’t the best and eventually, somebody is going to need to make plays for Sanchez instead of him carrying the load himself. Who will step up? But for now, the Jets have looked like one of the top eight teams in the league. Well done, Rex. Grade: A-

New England Patriots (3-1): They sure do like playing close games, don’t they? After the Monday Night Miracle in Buffalo and a lucky dropped pass by Ravens receiver Mark Clayton, the Pats are sitting at 3-1. However, they pantsed Atlanta and have survived despite the erratic play of the once infallible Tom Brady. Brady will only progress with time and the defense should only get better once everyone gets healthy. An unimpressive first quarter could lead to a rewarding final three quarters because of their resilience. Grade: B-

Miami Dolphins (1-3): Umm, I guess they’re about what we expected them to be, right? Ronnie Brown looks good at times and bad at others. Chad Pennington got hurt. Ted Ginn still isn’t a #1 receiver. The Monday Night performance against Indy was encouraging, but losing to the Falcons and Chargers convincingly wasn’t. All told, I think they’re a less-than-average team that will need some breaks to end up at .500. Grade: C

Buffalo Bills (1-3): They haven’t been completely awful on the field. But their fans are discouraged beyond belief and have been calling for an end to the Dick Jauron era for a while now. Terrell Owens has brought nothing to the table, and the offense is still way too conservative. Trent Edwards throws a good deep ball, and TO and Lee Evans are good downfield receivers. What do you have to lose? Grade: D

Baltimore Ravens (3-1): Lost in the praise of the media for Baltimore has been the fact that their defense isn’t very good this year. They’ve played Cleveland and Kansas City this year, so the numbers don’t tell the whole story. New England moved the ball pretty well on them, and if you think that secondary will hold up against a good passing offense, you’re dreaming. On the other hand, QB Joe Flacco has been terrific, and their running game is showing good balance and contributions from a number of guys. Grade: B+

Cincinnati Bengals (3-1): Wow. Had Brandon Stokley not made an all-timer of a play in the waning seconds of their opener, the Bengals would be undefeated. As it is, they’ve beaten Green Bay on the road and Pittsburgh at home. Not bad for a team that was a wild card coming into the season with so many question marks. Good for Carson Palmer, coming back and keeping the circus intact while leading this team to wins. Grade: A

Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2): A Jeff Reed field goal and defensive stand from being undefeated, the Steelers are in pretty good shape in the AFC North. They haven’t been overwhelming in their play, but have done a good job of holding down the fort while Troy Polamalu gets healthy from his knee injury suffered in the season opener. I respect what they’ve done this year. Grade: B

Cleveland Browns (0-4): What a bad, bad situation. Nobody likes new coach Eric Mangini, and he’s only been there for four games. The fans are apathetic, the players are uninspired, and the situation shows no signs of getting any better. Oh, and did I mention that they named a guy starting QB AFTER he threw 3 interceptions in a half the game before? Yep, that really happened. Grade: F

Indianapolis Colts (4-0): Here’s what we’ve learned about the Colts through four weeks: Peyton Manning is really good, Pierre Garcon is a Haitian-American, Peyton Manning is really good, Austin Collie’s wife is definitely a keeper, Peyton Manning is really good, Reggie Wayne is the new Marvin Harrison, Peyton Manning is really good, Dwight Freeney still brings it as a rush end, and Peyton Manning is really good. Honestly, Manning has never looked better. Which is staggering to say since he owns 3 NFL MVP awards, a Super Bowl ring, and a Super Bowl MVP award; in addition to numerous gaudy statistics. What stands out to me is that the parts around him change, but 18 remains the constant. This offense is completely different from the one in which he threw 49 touchdown passes in 2004, but he’s been able to connect with his young receivers, weather the lack of a running game to help out, and put his team in a position to win games no matter what. Miami prevented the Colts from having the ball for even a quarter of the game when they played, yet Manning was flawless in leading his team down the field in the fourth quarter for the win. He’s the (very early) front-runner for the MVP award right now, and really, nobody is a close second. Grade: A

Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2): Yes, the lack of attendance and fanfare is alarming, but the Jags really haven’t been that bad. A close loss to Indy, coupled with wins against Tennessee and Houston have shown that. However, the defense has been inconsistent, and David Garrard isn’t going to be able to keep bailing them out of games. They need to find a consistent running game…and soon. Grade: B-

Houston Texans (2-2): Frustrating, aren’t they? The Texans open the season by losing at home to the Jets, but recover to beat the Titans. A confusing loss to the Jags is followed up by a strong performance against Oakland (no jokes, please). I can’t figure out this team, but I predicted that they’d make the playoffs and I’m sticking to that. That’s not to say that the first quarter of the season hasn’t given me pause about my selection. Grade: C+

Tennessee Titans (0-4): Wow. Talk about a bad situation getting worse. The Titans weren’t likely to follow up their 10-0 start last year with another one this year, but they weren’t supposed to be this bad either. The Jim Schwartz-and-Albert-Haynesworth-less defense has been terrible, and Kerry Collins just looks old. With more tough games coming up, it’s hard to envision things getting any better in the Music City. Bad, bad, bad. Grade: F

Denver Broncos (4-0): Winning cures all. That’s really what you need to know about Denver this year. The Cutler trade, Marshall suspension, and coaching change left the Broncos with some weird karma prior to the season. However, coach Josh McDaniels has rallied his troops, defensive coordinator Mike Nolan has been terrific, and QB Kyle Orton refuses to turn the ball over. The result? A surprising 4-0 start and a chance to take the AFC West for the first time in years. This team intrigues me. That chip on their shoulder is quite noticeable. Grade: A

San Diego Chargers (2-2): They’ve played two bad teams (Miami and Oakland) and won, and have played two good teams (Pittsburgh and Baltimore) and lost. Sounds about right for a team that can’t get out of its own way. I keep hearing about all of this talent that the Chargers have stockpiled, but whenever I watch them play, it never seems to be on display. Yes, Philip Rivers is good, but what else am I supposed to be admiring? Same old Chargers. Don’t get roped in to their hype. Grade: C-

Oakland Raiders (1-3): They have the worst starting quarterback in the NFL (and really, it’s not even close), their coach may get charged with assault after punching an assistant, their receiving corps is a bunch of guys you’ve never heard of, and their defense is probably already tired of only getting 3 plays off before having to run back out on the field. But hey, at least they beat the Chiefs, right? Grade: D

Kansas City Chiefs (0-4): While I was at a local sports bar to watch the Colts one Sunday, I met a nice guy by the name of Scott who was a diehard Chiefs fan. He was very conversational and told me he hoped the Colts won that day. After watching the Chiefs for four weeks, I feel really, really bad for Scott. His team is terrible, his coach looks in over his head, and that Matt Cassel signing hasn’t exactly paid off. Oh, and they somehow lost to the Raiders. At Arrowhead. Will they win a game this year? Probably, but don’t ask me when. Next time I see Scott, I’m going to buy him a bottle of his favorite to help ease the pain. Grade: F

Obviously, four weeks does not a season make. However, it’s important to get off to a decent start so that you’re not constantly playing catch-up. When the Colts rattled off 9 wins to end the regular season last year, it was a necessity because they’d started 3-4. You don’t want to put yourself in that kind of hole. I’ll be back every quarter to assess where each team is, was, and will be. But for now, it’s pretty easy to see who’s enjoyed the first quarter of the season, and who can’t wait for quarter two to start.

~~ Lank