Lake Show with Kobe Bryant

You know, I'd planned to do a live-blog for the 5th game of the NBA Finals. However, we've been having some issues with our computer here and I wasn't able to get it booted up and running in time to do so.

It's a good thing I didn't.

Turns out that me being unable to live-blog the game was a blessing in disguise because there really wasn't much to write about. It was close for roughly a quarter-and-a-half, but then the Lakers went on a 16-0 run and never looked back. Quite frankly, Orlando looked like they'd already checked out for the summer. Having expended so much energy in Game 4 only to lose in OT, it was pretty clear that they just didn't have the same spark in Game 5. The Lakers were going half-paced to begin with, but once they started punching the Magic, Orlando has no response. Hedo Turkoglu didn't shoot well and didn't have the same fire he had in previous games, Rafer Alston was ineffective; the list goes on and on. Los Angeles did a tremendous job of pounding their will early and seeing if they would respond...and they didn't.

Quite honestly, the better team won. As a matter of fact, the best team in the NBA this year won. I don't care if Cleveland had a better record (by one single game, no less), LA put up a similar record in a MUCH tougher conference and even swept the Cavaliers by double-digits in both regular season games just to remove all doubt. I was concerned early in the playoffs about LA's attitude. It appeared that they simply wanted to get to the Finals before they began to play hard. There's no excuse to let a Yao-less Rockets team push you to seven games. Many of the lapses they had against Denver were mental, lacking the focus of a champion. But give them this, once they were pushed, they got after it. When Houston won Game 4, the first game without Yao, LA responded by winning Game 5 by 40 points. When Denver won Game 2 in LA, the Lakers responded immediately by winning Game 3 in Denver. When Orlando took them to overtime in Game 2 (before losing) and then won Game 3 back in Orlando, the Lakers responded by winning the next two games in Orlando. In summation, the Los Angeles Lakers were the best team all year, and it's no surprise that they're taking home the Larry O'Brien Trophy.

The sparkplug for this entire trip was Kobe Bryant. He's been superb all postseason long. Yes, Pau Gasol is good, but we saw in Memphis what happens when he's forced to carry too much of the load. Yes, Lamar Odom is remarkably gifted, but his history of disappearing in big games is well-known. Without Bryant, the Lakers don't win the Title, they don't win the West, and they probably don't win a playoff series. He's that good. His combination of scoring, defense, timely distribution, and the overall intensity he brings to the team is a fabulous mix. I've always admired Bryant because he's one of the few players in the NBA who lets you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that all he wants to do is win basketball games. His trade/contract/personal issues sometimes flare up in the offseason, but once he gets on the court, he's a killer. That's the thing that sets him apart from LeBron James, and the reason that he's wearing the ring this year instead of The King; his intensity. LeBron is insanely gifted, does things on the basketball court that others simply cannot do, and is chummy with his teammates. Kobe Bryant is insanely gifted, does things on the basketball court that others simply cannot do, and demands the absolute best from his teammates. A slight difference, yes, but the difference between winning a championship and asking "what if" is just as slight. He may be arrogant, he may be prickly, and he may not care if you like him or not; but at the end of the day, Kobe Bryant is the type of player that you want taking your team to its highest level. A tip of the cap to #24, saying that it's a joy watching him play is a supreme understatement.

Where do we go from here? Well, it remains to be seen, but Los Angeles isn't going anywhere. Kobe comes back, Gasol comes back, and all of their young guys will be a year older. However, they need to re-sign Odom and Ariza; those two were fantastic this postseason. It'll be fun to see if they chase the money or another title. There are already plenty of rumors floating around, from Shaq-to-Cleveland talk, to Hedo Turkoglu signing a big contract with someone else, so a lot must be sorted out before we can predict what will happen a year from now. Just know that as long as Kobe Bryant is still around, and as long as Pau Gasol is playing the Robin to 24's Batman, the Lakers will be a force to be reckoned with.

~~ Lank

One of Life's Mysteries Answered

I had something that had been vexing me a for a long, long time. Why would Adam Banks ever sit the bench? I mean EVER. This dude is the hockey Messiah. Well, thanks to the good people at Ask a Dropout (http://askadropout.wordpress.com), my question has been answered.

http://askadropout.wordpress.com/2009/06/12/adam-banks-goat

GOAT? Absolutely. Adam Banks is better at hockey than anything I'll ever be good at in my lifetime. Which is precisely why I couldn't figure out why Coach Bombay would ever put him on the bench. A tip of the cap to Ask a Dropout for putting together such a thoughtful and thorough examination of this issue. I can now sleep better at night.

~~ Lank

Free The Barrel Monster

For a little background info, you should read this article: http://www.newsobserver.com/news/story/1567423.html

Ok, now that that's taken care of, I can reveal to you an actual exchange between Skip and I concerning the barrel monster fallout:

Skip: Damn, that 919 barrel monster was legit.
Lank: That was awesome. I wish I'd seen that myself.
Skip: Good. Clean. Fun.
Lank: That's definitely going up on Skip To My Lank.
Skip: I don't claim to translate well, but he was probably saying, "please be safe. Seat belts save lives."
Lank: The way his finger was pointed, he was almost reminiscent of Uncle Sam. And I trust that guy.
Skip: Why do they make orange barrels? So people know there is construction going on. I'm pretty sure the monster did that job.
Lank: If anything, the Monster should get a nomination for Employee of the Month. He was effective unlike anyone else.
Skip: Do I notice a random 5'6" Mexican? No. A 13'6" orange monster? I instantly cover my brake.
Lank: Everybody knows you don't want to piss off that monster. He means business, man. He's not there for jokes.
Skip: Monster isn't really a fair connotation. A public service creature to me.
Lank: That's true. Why are we trying to make this guy seem menacing? He's there for our safety. He wants to help us live.


Needless to say, everyone Skip To My Lank is a huge fan of the barrel monster. He looks good, he's nice, and he's selfless. What more could you want in someone in his position? Let the barrel monster live. If he's not back up on Hillsborough Street in a week, I'm writing my local politician for a reasonable explanation. Long live the barrel monster.

~~ Lank

Recap: 2009 NBA Finals, Game 4

Turn out the liiiiiiiights, the party's ooooooooover.

I forget which song that comes from, but that's the best way to describe the NBA Finals right now. Forgive me for not live-blogging Game 4, I wasn't watching it at home. But fear not, loyal readers, I'll still give you my two cents about the contest.

-- Orlando choked. Let's be real. They were up 12 at the half, they were up for most of the 3rd quarter, and they were up 3 with only a few seconds left in the 4th quarter...and still lost. There's really no excuse for them to lose that game. None.

-- Kobe didn't play his best game but still had 32, 7, and 8. That's pretty silly. He scored several times down the stretch in the 4th quarter and overtime, but didn't seem to force things as much as he did in Game 3.

-- I'm sorry, but Dwight Howard isn't yet an elite player. He still is unable to put the team on his back when they need a basket, which hurts them in close games like this one. Yes, he's an athletic freak and is chiseled out of granite, but he hasn't developed a game to match his physical prowess. Until his basketball skills improve, he won't crack the crowd of the League's elite.

-- I agree with Stan Van Gundy; "playoff experience" is an overrated aspect of any series. Did Boston's roster have any Finals experience last year? Nope. How'd that turn out? Did Detroit have any Finals experience in 2004? Nuh uh. They won, right? It's silly to suggest that LA is winning these close games because of their experience level. The real reason that Orlando can't close out is because they're a jump-shooting team that lives and dies with shots from 15 feet and out. Until they develop a consistent post presence to get them easy baskets, they're still going to be 50/50 when it comes to tight games down the stretch.

-- What was up with the discrepancy in free throws (15-20 for LA, 22-37 for Orlando)? I realize Orlando was one of the top teams this season in terms of drawing fouls, but so was Los Angeles. There's no reason one team should shoot 17 more free throws than another in a playoff game. The physicality and intensity is shared between both teams. Maybe not equally, but certainly not to that extent.

-- Mickael Pietrus shouldn't be suspended or fined for his flagrant foul on Pau Gasol at the end of the game. He was frustrated and made a very stupid play, but that's about it. It's nothing to get crazy about; it was simply a poor decision made in the heat of a frustrating moment. No need to blow it out of proportion.

-- By far the funniest moment of the game was towards the end of the 4th quarter when ABC was showing Mike Breen, Jeff Van Gundy, and Mark Jackson at their announce location in order to set up the final minutes. Behind them, a young lady (who was fairly inebriated) was trying to wave and get her face on camera. Little did she know that behind her, her fold-up seat had folded up, leaving her nothing to fall back on...but she tried to fall back on it anyway. And to the floor she went. Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier! It was hilarious. God bless the gentleman who was kind enough to lean down and help her up...all while the cameras were still rolling. Man, that was quality stuff. Have another one, girl.

-- I saw no "GI Joe" trailers, but I saw trailers for "The Taking of Pelham 123" and "Public Enemies" so it was a good night in trailer-land. This has become one of the more intriguing subplots for me this series. The battle between movies that I want to see and a movie that butchered my favorite childhood cartoon. Which side can provoke the most animated behavior from me? Stay tuned.

-- In summation, this series is over. I expect Orlando to win Game 5 and take it back to LA, but there's no way Orlando wins three games in a row. None. Jumpshots don't fall for three straight games, and Orlando isn't going to win if they're not hitting jumpers (see: Game 1). You should still watch the rest of the games, because as long as Orlando is hitting their shots, the games are going to be exciting, but just know while watching that this series is curtains.

That's about all from here; if something else hits me about Game 4, I'll be sure to post it, but nothing more for now. Stay classy, good people, I'll see you on Sunday.

~~ Lank

At Least He Never Ruined the Republican Party

David Letterman is my boy. Everyone knows this. Not just because he's a native Hoosier, but because he's actually funny and good at his job. Unlike Jay Leno, Letterman actually puts thought into his jokes and has mastered the art of being a line-stepper. Does he cross the line sometimes? Absolutely. But just as you can't get mad at your favorite football player for fumbling when reaching for the extra yard, you can't get mad at Dave for crossing the line. He goes all out to entertain us, and we love him for it.

Well, most of us.

The conservative folks are up in arms again, this time because Dave made a joke about Sarah Palin and her family. Yes, that Sarah Palin. The one who came out of nowhere (literally) to become John McCain's running mate. And we all know how that ended. McCain's momentum coming out of the primary? Gone. The Republican Party's reputation? Still hasn't recovered. So, needless to say, she needs to realize that she's not above having jokes made about her. They're quite easy, actually, just use the Internets and you'll find plenty.

During his popular Top Ten segment, Dave addressed "Highlights of Sarah Palin's Trip (to NYC)", and one of his quips was, "during the 7th inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez." Now that's funny. Not only does it poke fun as Palin's daughter, Bristol, being an 18-year-old unwed mother, it also ribs A-Rod's notoriety for divorcing his wife and being seen with several other women in the ensuing (and sometimes previous) months. Classic Letterman.

The problem came when it was discovered that the only daughter Palin had at the game with her was 14-year-old daughter, Willow. Obviously, the joke wasn't intended towards her. One, because Dave would never stoop to that level; two, because as soon as someone hears about an unnamed Palin daughter getting knocked up, they're gonna presume that it's Bristol. You know, past behavior and all that.

Let's get real, why is this a big deal? Letterman makes jokes for a living. He has for 35 years now. And why is Sarah Palin, who's trying to be taken seriously as a national political candidate, fighting battles against late night comedians? Did George W. Bush ever call out anyone for the millions of late night jokes that were made about him? Nope. You know why? As a person in such a highly regarded position, you're above that. But Sarah Palin isn't. She realizes she's a joke to everyone but the 41 people that still find her credible, and she's not cool with that. Instead of actually building her resume and climbing the political ladder the right way, she's attempting to stretch out her 15 minutes of fame before heading back to Alaska.

So, Ms. Palin, a word of advice: stop worrying about what other people say about you. If you want to be taken seriously as a politician, naysayers and jokesters are part of the deal. No matter which party of which you're a member, there are going to be people to take jabs at you. It's been that way forever, just ask the Israelis and Palestinians. When you start trying to fight back, you're the one that ends up looking petty. And considering you, and what you represent, are a large part of the reason the Republican Party is in shambles right now, looking petty is something you cannot afford to do. Grow up, lighten up, and maybe your approval rating will go up.

~~ Lank

Is Anna Paquin Hot?

I just can't decide whether or not Anna Paquin is hot. I can't. Sometimes I see her and think she's a solid 9; other times I see her and wonder why she hired an ugly body double to use her name. Yes, I know that celebrities aren't going to be beautiful all the time; I get that. But there are certain celebs that are very polarizing attraction-wise in my eyes, and Paquin is one of them. She gets the "honor" of being documented in this post because I saw a press photo hyping the upcoming second season of her HBO drama "True Blood" and I thought she looked great in it (see above).

On the other hand, sometimes this happens:

What is that? I mean, really, how am I supposed to defend stuff like that if I come to the conclusion that she is, in fact, hot. These are the things that keep me up at night. I think Anna Paquin is hot...sometimes. But that's a cop-out answer; I need something more definitive. How am I supposed to decide this? I think I need to come up with a formula or something. Maybe the photos on the first five pages of your Google images search must have an approval rating of 75%. As in, 3 out of every 4 of your photos need to get the thumbs-up from whomever is judging your appearance. Yeah, I like that. It's fail-safe and convenient for everyone. Nobody's unlucky enough that ALL of their bad pictures are on the first 5 pages of a Google search, thus affecting the accuracy of the process; I'm sure their agents have already negotiated with Google about it. You know what? I think that's now THE official Skip To My Lank hotness measuring stick.

And after some quick research, I can definitively say that Anna Paquin is hot. I'm so glad we cleared that up, I feel a lot better now. Thanks for listening.

~~ Lank

I Can't Be Mad at Tim Floyd

Tim Floyd stepped down as USC men's basketball coach late Tuesday night. He was embroiled in a storm of allegations against his program, any of which would have probably put his program on probation. Most of the time, when I hear of a coach cheating, I wonder why they did it; mainly because they have to know they're going to get caught at some point. But when I heard about Floyd, I didn't wonder why he did it, I knew why he did it, so I couldn't really be mad at him for it.

Floyd was desperate. And desperation leads to some bad decisions, something to which many of you can attest.

After a blossoming career at Iowa State, including a trip to the Sweet 16 in 1997 and school records galore, he went to the NBA and floundered. His 3+ seasons as head coach of the post-Jordan Chicago Bulls were atrocious. As in 49-190 bad. Further damaging his reputation were disagreements with players and management. Suddenly, Floyd was no longer a wunderkind. Somehow (and I do mean somehow because nobody really knows how he got the job), Floyd was chosen to coach the New Orleans Hornets in 2003. Despite a respectable 41-41 record, and a trip to the 2004 playoffs (where his team took the Heat to seven games in the first round), ownership was not satisfied and turned him loose.

So here's Floyd, the once-upon-a-time prodigy, who has now been fired from his last two jobs, and as all coaches know, if that carousel stops spinning and you're not on it, you may never get another chance to ride. However, after the awkward situation with Rick Majerus (that's a whole different post), USC is in need of a savior. Floyd sees this as the perfect opportunity to resurrect his career. A big city, a rich athletic department, and realistic expectations. What's not to like? Unlike that other school in LA, nobody expects you to go undefeated every season, but you still get most of the perks of coaching in the second-largest market in America. Knowing that this was a great situation in which to find himself after everything that happened in the past, Floyd gambled big in order to win big.

And he lost.

According to various reports, Floyd gave $1,000 to OJ Mayo's "representative" in order to lure the talented youngster to his program. Mayo was a "game-changer" of sorts. Everyone wanted him, and he was the type of kid who, even though he would only stay one year, could bring some banners to your school. Yes, his Trojans went to the Sweet 16 in 2007, but Lodrick Stewart, Gabe Pruitt, and Nick Young were all departing, and he couldn't afford to let the program lose momentum. So he did everything he had to do to get OJ Mayo to his school.

Even if it was illegal.

Looking back on it, it was a silly move. Not only because he paid money to get an amateur player, but because Mayo didn't bring any banners to his school. Mayo had a great freshman year, earning First Team All-Pac-10 honors, but the team lost in the first round of the NCAA Tournament. Then Mayo left to be drafted by the Memphis Grizzlies, and USC was left to fend for itself...saddled with the recently discovered allegations about his recruitment.

Much of the other allegations are similar, including the shady recruitment of Renardo Sidney, a member of the freshman class of 2009, who has some "interesting" connections to a footwear company. USC has since rescinded his scholarship offer, and he has signed with Mississippi State, but the deed remains done. When parlayed with the general unrest within the program (point guard Daniel Hackett, wing DeMar DeRozan, and big man Taj Gibson all have declared for this year's NBA Draft), Floyd knew his time was up. With the NCAA ready to hand down some big sanctions on his program, and a team that will be in shambles next season, there was absolutely nothing down the road that was going to help Floyd rebuild his reputation. So he did what anyone in his "back against the wall" position would do, he stepped down.

And I can't be mad at him.

Floyd knew coming into the USC job that if he didn't live up to expectations, he'd be through. You can only get fired so many times before people stop calling. In order to help his cause, he cheated. Selfish? Yep. Short-sighted? Very much so. Dirty? As all get-out. But there's no confusion on my end, only pity. Tim Floyd will never coach again at a high level, his reputation won't allow for it. Therein lies the irony of the situation; by doing what he thought was the best way to ensure that he could coach for as long as he wanted, he ended up costing himself the opportunity to coach for as long as he wanted. Also ironic is that he never lived up to the success while cheating that he achieved while not cheating. Imagine that.

~~ Lank