NFL Fourth Quarter Report Cards

Ahh, playoff time in the NFL. You know what that means; rematches galore, and people scrutinizing every move of the players and coaches. Even during non-game days. It also means that it’s time for me to deliver the fourth quarter report card for each team. Some teams finished strong, other teams finished like Denver always does. Remember that the grades are based on the final four games of the regular season and nothing else. Colts fans, cover your eyes.

Dallas Cowboys (11-5): Quite the quarter for the ‘Boys. How bout ‘em? Ending New Orleans’ winning streak, shutting out two divisional foes to close out the season, and a home playoff game all have to have the Dallas faithful downright giddy. It remains to be seen if the lack of a go-to guy (still) will affect Tony Romo in the playoffs, but this is a team with a lot of positive energy and momentum right now. I wouldn’t want to play them in game one. Does Philly? Grade: A-

Philadelphia Eagles (11-5): Maybe I’m the bad guy, but I’m not as enthused about the Eagles’ final run as most people are. The Giants were a mess offensively against good teams, yet threw up 38 points in a loss to Philly. An underachieving Denver team nearly stole a win at Philadelphia, and the Eagles look lifeless in the season finale against Dallas when the division title (and, by extension, a home playoff game) was on the line. I don’t have much faith in these guys right now, to be honest. Grade: B-

New York Giants (8-8): What an embarrassing way to finish the season. I mean, really, where’s the pride? Despite being behind the eight ball to make the playoffs, the Giants showed absolutely no urgency and got absolutely pantsed by the Panthers and Vikings to close the season. Looking back on it, 10-6 wouldn’t have made the playoffs anyway, but they didn’t know that when they were 8-6, so why is it that they played like it? What disgrace. Grade: F

Washington Redskins (4-12): Hey, at least you hired Mike Shanahan, one of the top five coaches in the NFL in the last decade. I know that has nothing to do with the final quarter of the season, but I’m including it anyway because it’s my blog. Sue me. Grade: C

Minnesota Vikings (12-4): I hate to blow my own trumpets, but I sort of feel like saying, “I told you so.” I mentioned in last quarter’s report cards that I wasn’t sold on the Vikings, because they’d been beating up on orphans and bowing down to bullies. The Cincinnati win was pretty impressive, but the losses to Carolina and (especially) Chicago showed just how vulnerable this team can be. Does anyone really think they’re going to the Super Bowl? Yeah, me neither. Grade: C+

Green Bay Packers (11-5): Don’t look now, but the Packers are one of the hottest teams in football. The only thing standing between them and an 8-game winning streak is a last-second laser from Ben Roethlisberger to Mike Wallace. They’ve been sound in every phase of the game and have a ton of mojo heading into Arizona (again) this week. With the Cardinals licking their wounds, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to see the Cheeseheads get their first playoff win of the Aaron Rodgers era. The first of many? We shall see. Grade: A

Chicago Bears (7-9): The Bears underachieved this year. Lovie Smith did a bad coaching job. Jay Cutler was worse than advertised. Devin Hester may or may not be alive. Firing the staff and keeping Lovie won’t solve anything. The win against Minnesota was fun to watch. That’s all I have for the Bears. Grade: C-

Detroit Lions (2-14): Did the Lions get any better this year? I have my doubts. They were kinda plucky to start the season, but haven’t really advanced at all. There were some close games sprinkled in with mostly double-digit losses, but their fourth quarter results weren’t much different than their first quarter results. I know they’re young and untalented, but I can’t say that I saw much improvement with Detroit this year. Maybe next year. Grade: D

New Orleans Saints (13-3): If you ever want the guide on how not to close out a potentially historic regular season, Sean Payton and company would be happy to share it with you. After being outplayed by Dallas, the Saints face-planted in a loss to Tampa Bay (no really, they lost to the Bucs) before closing the year with a mail-in performance against the Panthers. Not a lot of positive vibes coming from this team heading into the playoffs. Grade: C

Atlanta Falcons (9-7): What do you know? Matt Ryan returns and they promptly win 3 straight games to close out the season. It’s unfair to blame backup Chris Redman for any issues because I don’t think they would have beaten the Eagles or Saints with a healthy Ryan, but it’s good to see them post the first back-to-back winning seasons in franchise history. This Mike Smith guy can coach, apparently. Nicely done, sir. Grade: B+

Carolina Panthers (8-8): To recap the Cats’ quarter, I asked their number one fan, Skip, for his thoughts, as always: “The Cats opened the final quarter with an uber-conservative effort in a loss at Foxboro. The trend looked to continue through 3 quarters with the Vikings until Matt Moore and the coaching staff loosened it up, sparking a 3-game win streak in which Moore showed he may be ready, 28 (Jonathan Stewart) showed he can handle a full load, and the defense finally fully adapted to Meeks’ system with positive results in both points allowed and turnovers forced. This team is earmarked for a deep playoff run next season.” Like I’ve always said, Skip is the master of the 62-word sentence. Grade: A

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-13): They played well this quarter. Two wins, both on the road, against one good opponent (New Orleans) and one bad opponent (Seattle). Raheem Morris still looks completely overwhelmed as coach, but I’m never a proponent of firing a guy after one year in any sport. Maybe the Bucs can capitalize on this final quarter and have a semi-decent year next year. And maybe they’ll bring back the peach jerseys on a permanent basis as well. Grade: B-

Arizona Cardinals (10-6): The term “going through the motions” comes to mind. After beating Minnesota, the Cardinals had essentially locked up the division, so they took their foot off the gas down the stretch. Wins against Detroit and St. Louis are nothing to scream about, and the losses to San Francisco and Green Bay showed a team that is just ready to start the playoffs. Be careful what you wish for with a red-hot Packers team coming to town. Grade: C

San Francisco 49ers (8-8): Let’s see: beat Arizona, St. Louis, and Detroit; lost to Philadelphia. What am I supposed to gather from that? Oh yeah, that they’re a decent team with some nice talent that could possibly challenge for a division title in a year or two, but just isn’t very good right now. Their 8-8 record is a perfect representation of their season. Grade: C+

Seattle Seahawks (5-11): What a disappointment. Jim Mora, Jr. took over for Mike Holmgren and promptly ran the Seahawks into the ground. Now he's gone. Matt Hasselbeck is starting to look (and act) OLD, there is still no running game, and the T.J. Houshmandzadeh signing didn’t exactly light a fire under the offense. There are a ton of problems with this team, but maybe the bad season will allow them the luxury of getting rid of some of their aging talent and start anew. They lost their final four games by a combined 86 points. Ouch. Grade: F

St. Louis Rams (1-15): They didn’t finish with another win this season, but they kept playing hard and I commend the Rams for that. I know it’s not how you play the game, it’s whether you win or lose, but with the dearth of talent in the Gateway City right now, effort is about all that can be asked of this team. And they delivered on that front. As an aside, was I the only one who found it humorous when Keith Null’s stats would flash across the bottom of the screen, making it look like the computer had made a mistake and put “Null” in the place of the actual player? Oh, I was? Ok, never mind then. Grade: C

New England Patriots (10-6): The Wes Welker injury basically ruins everything for New England. Tom Brady only looks deep to Randy Moss about 8 times per game now, and every other pass is thrown short to Welker to move the sticks. With him gone, their chances of winning the Super Bowl are non-existent. It’s that simple. On the bright side, they won 3 of their last 4 heading into the playoffs. Grade: D

New York Jets (9-7): What weird team. Their running game and defense are both fantastic, but they’re just not very good as a whole. They don’t scare anybody, and I guarantee you that every playoff team would love a chance to play them in the next round. As for their final quarter, they won 3 of 4, but lost to Atlanta, beat Tampa Bay, beat the Colts JV, and beat the Bengals JV. Am I supposed to be impressed? I hope not. Grade: C+

Miami Dolphins (7-9): Well, Miami went out with a whimper. Losing three in a row to go from potential playoff team to sub-.500 team? Not exactly the way to close out the year. Oh well, you can’t win division titles every year, I guess. Grade: F

Buffalo Bills (6-10): A friend of mine is from the Buffalo area and I contemplated going with him to see the Colts-Bills regular season finale. Then I realized that by Week 17, we’d be resting our starters and they’d be starting God-knows-who at various positions. And that it’d be -51 degrees and probably snowing. Then I decided against it. Based on what I saw as I watched the game on TV, a great call by the Lankster. Grade: C-

Cincinnati Bengals (10-6): A fun team to follow simply because they have so many characters on the team. But a maddening team to follow because I still haven’t been able to peg them. Early on, they were a strong defensive team with a good running game that could complete a clutch pass or two thanks to Carson Palmer. Now, they’re a good defensive team with a solid running game and no passing game to speak of thanks to Carson Palmer not having any targets. I hope they beat the Jets Anyway, their final quarter showed that they can play with San Diego but also sink to the depths of Kansas City. Basically, they play up or down to their competition. Grade: C-

Pittsburgh Steelers (9-7): They won their last three, but only after they had an embarrassing loss to Cleveland. If you’re a Steelers fan, how frustrating is it to know that all you had to do was beat ONE of the following teams and you’d be in the playoffs: Cleveland, Oakland, Kansas City. That’s the list. Not good, Mike Tomlin; not good at all. Now go polish up that Super Bowl ring and get right for next year. Grade: B

Baltimore Ravens (9-7): They didn’t make it easy on themselves, but they ended up making the playoffs anyway. Winning 3 of their last 4 helped, but the Raiders game showed how unexplosive (is that a word?) their offense is. And no, Willis McGahee’s anomaly performance doesn’t count. Why doesn’t Ray Rice score more? I don’t kow either. Grade: B

Cleveland Browns (5-11): Four wins to close out the year? By the Brownies? Wow, color me impressed. In brown, I guess. Now pay Josh Cribbs, please. He’s your best player and probably your best quarterback, too. $1.4 million per year isn’t good enough. Grade: A

Indianapolis Colts (14-2): Damn, here we go again. After all of my ranting, raving, hoping, and wishing, Jim Caldwell is essentially giving the starters three weeks off and expecting them to be sharp for the playoff game in two weeks. Were it not for the fact that this method has never worked for us before, I wouldn’t be concerned. But when you consider that teams with bye weeks in the playoffs haven’t fared so well in recent years, this move makes me nervous. I still think we have the best team in the AFC, and possibly the NFL, but if we don’t come out sharp from snap one, it won’t much matter, will it? Sigh. Grade: D

Houston Texans (9-7): Four wins in a row to close the year almost got the Texas into the playoffs. They needed the Jets to lose to the Bengals, but that didn’t happen. Regardless, Houston fans should be excited for next year as Matt Schaub showed that he’s ready to be a premier quarterback in the NFL, and Andre Johnson has already shown that he’s a premier receiver. Add in an ever-improving defense, and the Texans are looking at a playoff spot next year. Stop me if you’ve heard this before. Grade: A

Jacksonville Jaguars (7-9): 7-5 to 7-9 with losses to Miami and Cleveland. Yeah, that’s not very good, Jags. But hey, at least you can draft Tim Tebow now in an attempt to garner some more fans before you move to Los Angeles, right? Grade: F

Tennessee Titans (8-8): Chris Johnson got 2,000 yards, but gets demerits for promising his linemen cars if he hit the mark, only to actually reward them with Rolexes. Not that a Rolex is a bad gift, but it’s not a car. Then again, this is also the guy who predicted a 10-game winning streak after they started 0-6, so take it for what it’s worth. Grade: B

Denver Broncos (8-8): New coach, same result: a choke job that prevents them from making the playoffs. Losing to Oakland and Kansas City isn’t exactly the way to set up your postseason chances. I’m just saying. Ask Pittsburgh, they’ll tell you the same thing. Denver’s slide + Florida getting housed by Alabama = Lank not calling Big Brother until Opening Day in April. Grade: F

San Diego Chargers (13-3): No hotter team in football right now. They’ve won 11 in a row and are clicking on all cylinders heading into the postseason. Philip Rivers has been masterful, and people still think LaDainian Tomlinson is a quality back even though he didn’t touch 100 yards in a game this year. As did none of their backs. Mr. Rivers, your table is ready. Grade: A

Oakland Raiders (5-11): Two things, Oakland: first, thanks for letting my boy Sebastian Janikowski kick a 61-yard field goal. That was awesome. Second, hire Mike Leach to make your team watchable again, even when Sebastian isn’t kicking 60+-yard field goals. That’s all. Grade: D

Kansas City Chiefs (4-12): Lost to Buffalo and Cleveland, but beat Denver? Umm, ok. I guess that’s good, right? Because isn’t Chiefs-Broncos one of those fabled NFL rivalries I’m supposed to care about? Or is that Chiefs-Raiders? Or Broncos-Raiders? Ah, forget it, I don’t want to waste any more of my time trying to figure it out…oh wait, isn’t it Cowboys-Redskins? Never mind, I got my Indian mascots mixed up. Sorry about that. Grade: D+

~~ Lank