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Sale Speaks

2010-02-10T23:26:00.003-05:00

A Brief Glimpse Across the College Landscape

With a focus on the ACC

As we are at roughly the midway point of the conference season, things are starting to shake out. As predicted before the season, Kansas has established themselves as the class of the nation. They don’t distinguish themselves from the rest of the country like North Carolina did last year, but they are strong at all aspects of the game and are the only team that can be confidently counted on to win 6 straight in March. While Xavier Henry’s disappearance has made things slightly more challenging of late, Cole, Sherron and the boys are still the elite. As much as it pains me to say this, head coach Bill Self has established himself as a top tier coach (really, this hurts me to my core) who regularly sports teams that are dominant in both offensive and defensive efficiency (2/2 respectively, per KenPom).

Behind Kansas, Syracuse (again a lot of personal pain here), Kentucky and Villanova lead the way of Elite 8/Final Four contenders. These guys are very strong but you don’t want to hitch your cart to them. Jim Boeheim has found a nice mix of length and skill following the departures of Jonny Flynn, Eric Devendorf (good riddance) and Paul Harris. Iowa State transfer Wesley Johnson has slid in beautifully and the Cuse is looking primed for a tourney run.

Kentucky’s fortunes were reversed in a big way with the arrival of Coach Cal and his lemmings-like recruit following. John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins are gangbusters and Patrick Patterson has evolved his game to match the hype he came in with. Oh, and Eric Bledsoe is not a bad guy to have backing up at PG. However, never trust Cal and his teams, so expect a flameout somewhere short of a title. As seen against S Car, Kentucky can be had, and when Wall isn’t clicking they are just a good team, not a great one. Their inability to put inferior foes away early could also come back to haunt them in March.

Villanova is, admittedly, a team I don’t know much about. As usual with Jay Wright’s squad, they are heavily guard-oriented led by 9th year senior Scottie Reynolds. This guy can hoop. Now that they are balanced inside by a man named Pena, Nova could make it back to back Final Fours.

Michigan State, Georgetown, West Virginia, Purdue and Texas have more holes to fill and can get hot to make a run but you just can’t trust them.

Noticeably absent from that list is Duke. This group of pretenders has, once again, sold the country that they’re back and ready to contend (this would make revival #6 since their last Final Four trip) only to flame out at the end of the year; more on them to come shortly. My list of credible teams is pretty short, because unlike Jim Boeheim, Billy Donovan and the money grubbers known as the NCAA/ESPN, I don’t think there are that many legitimate candidates to cut down the nets.

ACC Breakdown

I’m an old timer. I wish the ACC was still 9 teams and there wasn’t that absurd blip on the logo known as Massachusetts to include BC. Maybe one day when I run the conference, I’ll take care of that but until then this 12-team league is just a giant cesspool of mediocrity.

At the top is Duke. As mentioned previously, I don’t think too highly of them but they’re still going to win the league, win the tournament, get a high seed and send me into a 5-minute internal debate on how to rationalize them losing in the first weekend of the NCAA Tournament. Led by their 3 S’s [(Scheyer, Singler, and Smith) I am throwing up in my mouth] Duke is beating conference foes left and right. Save for a bout with a feisty bunch of athletic hoop-jumpers (@GT), they are rolling. In fact, they exacted revenge just last week in a very convincing way. However, a combination of team fatigue (do Scheyer and Singler ever actually come out of games?) and athletic teams they will face in the tournament will expose these guys, per usual.

Behind Duke is a group of teams that are missing one key ingredient from unseating them at the top. Despite what the standings may say Clemson, Ga Tech and Maryland are next in line. All of these teams suffer in the mental capacity department. Georgia Tech has the most physical and imposing front line in the conference but Derrick Favors Stud Freshman is a bit of an idiot at times.

Clemson has one of the best players in the league in Trevor Booker, but the rest of the team is known to skip out on large chunks of game action. Plus, we’ve all seen their song and dance routine before.

Maryland has quite possibly the biggest headcase in the league, Greivis Vasquez: always a threat for a triple double, and also for a clunker. Gary Williams’ squad has been hard-pressed to find talent (and wins) but this year they have surprisingly jumped up in the standings. But just as often as they are apt to pull off an emotional home win, they are just as likely to lay down and let one get away.

The next tier includes the likes of UVA, Wake, VT and FSU. An interesting group of teams, they have just a little bit more trouble putting it all together than the previous group and they go about it in vastly different ways. UVA is just an abomination of basketball. Slow-paced buffoons now that Tony Bennett has rolled into town, these guys will bleed you to death (or go on a game sealing 18-0 run against the Heels) and have fun doing it. I do not care for this junk brand of basketball, but JPJ can get rocking so I’ll leave them be (just wear a tie, Tony).

Wake was gutted by early defections but the best of the lot, Al-Farouq Aminu (which by the way means ‘the chief has arrived’—how badass is that) stuck around and is carrying the squad. With Ish Smith learning that 135 mph is not always the best pace to play and some sharp-shooting freshmen, Dino has got a competitive squad.

The Noles can be summed up much better by the author of the blog but I’ll give my brief two cents. Long up front and stingy on the defense, Leonard Hamilton has got something going. Inexperience in big time atmospheres is a major undoing, but Solomon Alabi is a hoss and he and Chris Singleton get it done.

Virginia Tech has an energetic coach in Seth Greenberg who specializes in complaining about the size of the NCAA tournament (because his teams aren’t good enough to make it) and who can take a dynamic wing scorer or 2 (Malcom Delaney in this installment) and surround them with some glue guys and post bangers. As is the case every year since they joined the ACC (and quite a surprisingly successful addition) they will be battling to avoid joining what could be the last year of the NIT as we know it (thanks again, ESPN and NCAA).

Next is the dregs of the ACC. Miami, NC State, BC and (oh God, say it aint so) the Heels. As you can imagine, this will be mostly about the Heels. Miami benefitted from some weak non-conference scheduling and has come hurtling back down to earth in ACC play.

BC is a plucky bunch under Al Skinner, who seems to always field a competitive team without much fanfare. Mr. October and the other 3-4 players they have that seemingly all play the same position will jump up and grab a win here and there, but are far too consistent to make major noise. Come to think of it, they should be up a tier.

State is just State. What a sad sack of fools. Constantly feeling inferior (and for good reason) they haven’t done anything of note except for getting hot in Tampa one March since Herb left.

That leaves the Heels. I’d like to think they can get hot and finish somewhere close to .500, but what have you seen this year to make you think that will happen? The absence of Tyler Zeller has been more crushing than expected as there is no pop off the bench. Ginyard has regressed to the skill level of a JV highschooler and nobody on the team seems to give a care. Pride and toughness are foreign concepts and outside shooting has roughly the same success rate as me running a marathon. But, they’re the Heels and Roy is still their coach so a run to the tournament is still likely (who am I kidding, NIT! NIT!).

~~ Sale

Mark McGwire Took Steroids

2010-01-12T23:31:00.003-05:00

I feel compelled to write on this topic since it's kind of a big deal right now, so I'll give my two cents on Mark McGwire admitting to taking steroids in the past.

Duh.

Was I the only guy who saw him go from this to this?

Not to mention the fact that Jose Canseco mentioned him in his book, Juiced, which has a batting average of about 1.000 right now. If Jose dropped your name, chances aren't good that you were clean. Luckily for me, Cal Ripken Jr.'s name is nowhere near that book. If it were, everything about my childhood would be meaningless and I could be found sitting out on the curb in front of my house, drinking hard liqour, wondering what the meaning of life is right now. Seriously.

Let me also say that I believe Mark McGwire should still be in the Hall of Fame. This guy was putting up numbers before he started juicing. 49 bombs in his rookie year? 104 combined in the three seasons after that? It's pretty clear that this guy was going to hit home runs regardless. Despite being injured and missing most of the 1993-94 seasons, he still put up 583 career homers. Yes, I know that some of those years are tainted by his steroid use, but you can't tell me that we're going to strip 100+ homers from his career total because of the juice. That just won't work for me.

If we're to believe he juiced from 1995 (post-injury) to 2001 (retirement), that gives us seven years with which to work. If we subtract 10 home runs per season in each of those seasons (which is really steep, but will help prove my point even better), he still ends up with over 500 career home runs. To put it bluntly, the guy is a Hall of Famer no matter how you slice it. Sure you can talk about the "purity of the game" or "cheating the game" or whatever; but the fact remains that he didn't break any rules with what he did, and there's no evidence that he ever broke any rules to get to the level at which he played. Skinny Mac would have made the Hall of Fame, so how can we keep out McGwire for what Big Mac did? It just doesn't make any sense.

I don't know if McGwire coming forward about his steroid use will help or hurt his Hall of Fame chances, but I don't care, either. I know a Hall of Fame player when I see him, and Mark McGwire is a Hall of Famer. I don't like that he used steroids, nor am I defending his usage. However, let's not pretend like we all weren't captivated by the 1998 home run chase with McGwire and Sammy Sosa when we all knew they were juicing. We'd all seen the before-and-after pictures; there was more than a good diet happening there. To go back now and penalize him for something we turned our heads away from then is just stupid. Yes, what we did as fans then was wrong, but we should be mature enough to admit it.

You know, like Mark McGwire did.

~~ Lank

Lane Lands in Los Angeles

2010-01-12T23:11:00.003-05:00

I was at trivia tonight, getting my brains beaten in because one of the categories was vague-as-it-sounds "classic cars" when I noticed the TV showing some breaking news.

Lane Kiffin will succeed Pete Carroll at USC.

Wow. That's a surprise. Kiffin had only been at Tennessee for a year, and I figured that with all of the posturing and trash-talking that he'd done in his short time in Knoxville, he'd be around for the long haul.

Apparently not.

In just about every sense, this move works for the Trojans. Mike Garrett, USC's AD, has come out smelling like a rose despite the fact that he's fumbled the twin NCAA investigations on his campus right now. Kiffin brings a sense of familiarity and comfort to the USC program. Though he hasn't been on campus since 2006, he knows what it takes to win at USC and was a good coordinator for Carroll until he departed to become head coach of the Oakland Raiders. The transition should be a seamless one for USC.

Though it's true that we're not entirely sure how good of a coach Kiffin is due to the small sample size with which we've been provided, I'm impressed with the staff he's putting together. Norm Chow, the revered offensive whiz, is leaving crosstown rival UCLA to come back to USC, where he coached from 2001-2004; Monte Kiffin, Lane's dad, is a highly-respected defensive mind and will follow his son to L.A.; Ed Orgeron, a valuable assistant who is noted for his terrific recruiting abilities, will also go with Kiffin to USC. Considering that offense, defense, and recruiting are the big three components of any college team, Lane has done a great job of filling those needs. The position coaches will be named later, but with the leadership of the aforementioned guys, the Trojans should keep on rolling.

Where does Tennessee go from here? I have no idea, but I think it's funny that Lane Kiffin treated them like a mid-major school. After the Volunteers unceremoniously dumped one of the most winningest coach in their program's history, Phillip Fulmer, they thought they had a young guy that would lead them to the promised land again and again in Kiffin. Instead, he dumps them for a hotter girl in a different part of town and leaves them heartbroken and confused. I hate to say what goes around comes around, but it's kinda funny. I would be laughing harder, but I see the same thing happening to my beloved Seminoles in the near future...but I hope I'm wrong. If I'm the Vols, I just repeat what I did when I fired Fulmer: find the best coach available. Forget about looking in the Tennessee family, forget about trying to get creative; just find the best coach. My first call would be to Kevin Sumlin, the current head coach at Houston. He's shown the ability to put productive offenses on the field, and was a valued commodity at offensive coordinator at Oklahoma prior to that. He knows what to do with expectations and would be a good fit for the program. The ball is in your court, Vols.

Lane Kiffin will be a good fit at USC; mark it down. The only question is, can he win at the level Pete Carroll did? Considering few coaches have won at Carroll's rate in the history of college football, I'm skeptical; but given the hand they were dealt, the Trojans did about as well as could be expected with their hire.

Can Tennessee do the same?

~~ Lank

Army-Navy, Edition #110

2010-01-08T22:12:00.002-05:00

Fortunately for America (and also readers of Skip To My Lank), my homeboy, Lefty, is a proud member of the United States Navy. As a member of the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, Lefty has gotten to do some amazing things, some of which include great road trips to Navy football games. I asked him if he'd do a recap of his attendance at the Army-Navy game, and luckily he agreed to do so. The following is his report. Lefty, thanks for the material, but more importantly, thanks for being a part of the greatest fighting force the world has ever seen. We all owe you one.

For most of America, the Army-Navy game is an event of slight note – something you hear about every year, that you might watch (depending on how much you like sports), but that doesn’t have much affect on mainstream life. I’m hear to let y’all know that it is an entirely different experience when you go to the Naval Academy (and I assume it’s similar at the Military Academy (no, their official name is not actually West Point, that’s just where it is; and yes, I just used parentheses inside of parentheses)).

For us, it doesn’t start a day, week, or even month before the game. For us (by the way, the “us” at the Naval Academy are referred to as Midshipmen, NOT lowly cadets. “Middies” ain’t that cool either. “Mids” works best. I’m here to entertain and educate), it starts when we first show up to the Academy for Plebe Summer, and we’re taught how to “chop.” Chopping is what plebes (freshmen for the uninitiated) have to do inside Bancroft Hall (the “dorm” where all 4,500 of us live – work with me on the parenthetical references, there’s a lot of jargon). It consists of running down the middle of the hallway wherever you may be inside Bancroft, greeting everyone that’s not a plebe with “Good (morning/afternoon/evening) (sir/ma’am)” and squaring corners. Squaring a corner hopefully sounds like what it actually is: whenever you make a turn, you turn at a 90 degree angle. When you do, you have to yell out either “Go Navy, sir” or “BEAT ARMY, sir.” From day #1, we all want to beat Army.

The week before the game is known as “Beat Army week,” or just “Army week.” The stated purpose of Army week is to raise the spirit of the Brigade (that means all of us Mids) in the week leading up to the game, but that is far from what happens. Mostly, it’s just college kids that are stuck on the Yard (the campus/base) 4-6 days per week cutting loose and doing crazy stuff, such as water balloon/condiment/actual fights in the Hall, sometimes even stuff that’s not mentionable with Baseball Mom possibly skimming this. Plus there are the King Hall antics (King Hall is where we all gather to eat 3 times a day. It fits 4500+, so keep in mind that it’s huge.). Wildmans are most popular (someone, usually a plebe, dumps water on an upperclassman’s head, then runs like hell, because if they get caught before they get back to their room, they’re in trouble), with “Beat Armys” a close second (upperclassmen mix whatever they can find at the table in a cup, a plebe stands on their chair and tries to gulp it all down as everyone cheers them on and hopes that they fail in spectacular fashion). Don’t get me wrong, there are good-hearted pranks in there too, like stealing all of a woop’s (see #4 here) uniforms, forcing them to wear whiteworks, the plebe summer uniform (basically what you would make someone wear if you wanted them to look like a complete idiot). In short, it’s a crazy week. Especailly now that the actual game has been pushed back from the first weekend in December to the second, so that we don’t have to compete with the conference championship games, and thus Army week is now the same as the last week of classes. Nothing like trying to bang out that last paper with madness reigning in the Hall.

The pregame festivities usually have some juice, but I was really disappointed this year. One of the annual staples is the entrance of the Leapfrogs (Navy SEALs) and whatever-the-hell-the-Army-calls-their-parachuting-team. The real fun of this is how much each side is invested in their landings. If one of our guys comes in for a sweet landing, we roar our approval. If one of their’s rolls like a tumbleweed, we again roar our approval, in as mocking of a way as possible. The problem this year was that we had 3 jumpers, and they had about 46. Ok, 46 is hyperbole, but you get the idea. It made no sense. Of course, the flyovers are the real spectacle anyway, so it was all good. Or at least it should have been. For reasons beyond me, there was no F/A-18 (what I want to fly, no less) flyover as scheduled. I was more disappointed than Baron Davis when Elton Brand left him at the altar (keep in mind this was before Brand showed how washed-up he is by scoring 6 fewer points and grabbing 3 fewer boards per game than his career averages – and if you don’t know what that’s talking about, just know that I was really disappointed. Like when your grandma buys you an ice cream cone, only you’re a kid so you run around and drop the ice cream on the ground).

Given that this whole thing revolves around a sporting event, you were probably expecting some kind of insider description of the contest from someone that was there. So here it is: it was boring as hell. More so than usual for a team that has not thrown a single pass in two separate games in the past two years (granted it was pouring rain for both games, and coach Ken Niumatalolo is scared to pass when the weather is perfect, but c’mon – we didn’t throw once, in 2 hours of game time!). It was 3-0 Army at halftime. The teams combined for 434 yards of offense, 324 yards below the per game median across the nation. The teams combined for 10/28 passing (a whopping 36% completion percentage), for 138 yards, 1 TD, and 2 interceptions. At least the running was spectacular, right? WRONG. Exactly one person averaged more than 4 yards per carry. That player, Navy’s Marcus Curry, provided both the longest run and pass reception of the game, at 16 and 25 yards, respectively. This game was more conservative and boring than the Fox News Channel. Don’t get me wrong, I was elated that our boys stuck it to Army for the eighth year in a row (we’re at 7 in a row against Air Force, by the way), and we got to taunt the Cadets again. There’s no feeling quite like all of us Mids chanting “WATCH OUR BOWL GAME!” in unison at the cadets, especially when we denied them their first bowl bid since ’96, along with singing Blue & Gold (our alma mater) at the top of our lungs after the game. I’m just saying that the actual game was overwhelmingly forgettable.

Next year is my last at the Naval Academy, and thus my last Army-Navy game as a Mid. Now I can’t promise a close contest, or even any football worth watching (this year’s game could happen again. Could). All I ask is that if you haven’t before, give Army-Navy a shot. If the game is boring, you can easily move on with your life. December 11th, 2010, probably at 2:30 again, on CBS as always. Who knows, maybe you’ll catch me in the crowd.

~~ Lefty

P.S. If you do watch, make sure you catch the flyover. Nothing like the roar of four F/A-18s rolling by. Also, don’t expect much from our marching. We really don’t care. USMA does, but we’ve figured out that marching in line became useless when our forefathers decided to run around and duck behind trees for cover to repel the Redcoats.

NFL Fourth Quarter Report Cards

2010-01-08T22:07:00.002-05:00

Ahh, playoff time in the NFL. You know what that means; rematches galore, and people scrutinizing every move of the players and coaches. Even during non-game days. It also means that it’s time for me to deliver the fourth quarter report card for each team. Some teams finished strong, other teams finished like Denver always does. Remember that the grades are based on the final four games of the regular season and nothing else. Colts fans, cover your eyes.

Dallas Cowboys (11-5): Quite the quarter for the ‘Boys. How bout ‘em? Ending New Orleans’ winning streak, shutting out two divisional foes to close out the season, and a home playoff game all have to have the Dallas faithful downright giddy. It remains to be seen if the lack of a go-to guy (still) will affect Tony Romo in the playoffs, but this is a team with a lot of positive energy and momentum right now. I wouldn’t want to play them in game one. Does Philly? Grade: A-

Philadelphia Eagles (11-5): Maybe I’m the bad guy, but I’m not as enthused about the Eagles’ final run as most people are. The Giants were a mess offensively against good teams, yet threw up 38 points in a loss to Philly. An underachieving Denver team nearly stole a win at Philadelphia, and the Eagles look lifeless in the season finale against Dallas when the division title (and, by extension, a home playoff game) was on the line. I don’t have much faith in these guys right now, to be honest. Grade: B-

New York Giants (8-8): What an embarrassing way to finish the season. I mean, really, where’s the pride? Despite being behind the eight ball to make the playoffs, the Giants showed absolutely no urgency and got absolutely pantsed by the Panthers and Vikings to close the season. Looking back on it, 10-6 wouldn’t have made the playoffs anyway, but they didn’t know that when they were 8-6, so why is it that they played like it? What disgrace. Grade: F

Washington Redskins (4-12): Hey, at least you hired Mike Shanahan, one of the top five coaches in the NFL in the last decade. I know that has nothing to do with the final quarter of the season, but I’m including it anyway because it’s my blog. Sue me. Grade: C

Minnesota Vikings (12-4): I hate to blow my own trumpets, but I sort of feel like saying, “I told you so.” I mentioned in last quarter’s report cards that I wasn’t sold on the Vikings, because they’d been beating up on orphans and bowing down to bullies. The Cincinnati win was pretty impressive, but the losses to Carolina and (especially) Chicago showed just how vulnerable this team can be. Does anyone really think they’re going to the Super Bowl? Yeah, me neither. Grade: C+

Green Bay Packers (11-5): Don’t look now, but the Packers are one of the hottest teams in football. The only thing standing between them and an 8-game winning streak is a last-second laser from Ben Roethlisberger to Mike Wallace. They’ve been sound in every phase of the game and have a ton of mojo heading into Arizona (again) this week. With the Cardinals licking their wounds, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to see the Cheeseheads get their first playoff win of the Aaron Rodgers era. The first of many? We shall see. Grade: A

Chicago Bears (7-9): The Bears underachieved this year. Lovie Smith did a bad coaching job. Jay Cutler was worse than advertised. Devin Hester may or may not be alive. Firing the staff and keeping Lovie won’t solve anything. The win against Minnesota was fun to watch. That’s all I have for the Bears. Grade: C-

Detroit Lions (2-14): Did the Lions get any better this year? I have my doubts. They were kinda plucky to start the season, but haven’t really advanced at all. There were some close games sprinkled in with mostly double-digit losses, but their fourth quarter results weren’t much different than their first quarter results. I know they’re young and untalented, but I can’t say that I saw much improvement with Detroit this year. Maybe next year. Grade: D

New Orleans Saints (13-3): If you ever want the guide on how not to close out a potentially historic regular season, Sean Payton and company would be happy to share it with you. After being outplayed by Dallas, the Saints face-planted in a loss to Tampa Bay (no really, they lost to the Bucs) before closing the year with a mail-in performance against the Panthers. Not a lot of positive vibes coming from this team heading into the playoffs. Grade: C

Atlanta Falcons (9-7): What do you know? Matt Ryan returns and they promptly win 3 straight games to close out the season. It’s unfair to blame backup Chris Redman for any issues because I don’t think they would have beaten the Eagles or Saints with a healthy Ryan, but it’s good to see them post the first back-to-back winning seasons in franchise history. This Mike Smith guy can coach, apparently. Nicely done, sir. Grade: B+

Carolina Panthers (8-8): To recap the Cats’ quarter, I asked their number one fan, Skip, for his thoughts, as always: “The Cats opened the final quarter with an uber-conservative effort in a loss at Foxboro. The trend looked to continue through 3 quarters with the Vikings until Matt Moore and the coaching staff loosened it up, sparking a 3-game win streak in which Moore showed he may be ready, 28 (Jonathan Stewart) showed he can handle a full load, and the defense finally fully adapted to Meeks’ system with positive results in both points allowed and turnovers forced. This team is earmarked for a deep playoff run next season.” Like I’ve always said, Skip is the master of the 62-word sentence. Grade: A

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-13): They played well this quarter. Two wins, both on the road, against one good opponent (New Orleans) and one bad opponent (Seattle). Raheem Morris still looks completely overwhelmed as coach, but I’m never a proponent of firing a guy after one year in any sport. Maybe the Bucs can capitalize on this final quarter and have a semi-decent year next year. And maybe they’ll bring back the peach jerseys on a permanent basis as well. Grade: B-

Arizona Cardinals (10-6): The term “going through the motions” comes to mind. After beating Minnesota, the Cardinals had essentially locked up the division, so they took their foot off the gas down the stretch. Wins against Detroit and St. Louis are nothing to scream about, and the losses to San Francisco and Green Bay showed a team that is just ready to start the playoffs. Be careful what you wish for with a red-hot Packers team coming to town. Grade: C

San Francisco 49ers (8-8): Let’s see: beat Arizona, St. Louis, and Detroit; lost to Philadelphia. What am I supposed to gather from that? Oh yeah, that they’re a decent team with some nice talent that could possibly challenge for a division title in a year or two, but just isn’t very good right now. Their 8-8 record is a perfect representation of their season. Grade: C+

Seattle Seahawks (5-11): What a disappointment. Jim Mora, Jr. took over for Mike Holmgren and promptly ran the Seahawks into the ground. Now he's gone. Matt Hasselbeck is starting to look (and act) OLD, there is still no running game, and the T.J. Houshmandzadeh signing didn’t exactly light a fire under the offense. There are a ton of problems with this team, but maybe the bad season will allow them the luxury of getting rid of some of their aging talent and start anew. They lost their final four games by a combined 86 points. Ouch. Grade: F

St. Louis Rams (1-15): They didn’t finish with another win this season, but they kept playing hard and I commend the Rams for that. I know it’s not how you play the game, it’s whether you win or lose, but with the dearth of talent in the Gateway City right now, effort is about all that can be asked of this team. And they delivered on that front. As an aside, was I the only one who found it humorous when Keith Null’s stats would flash across the bottom of the screen, making it look like the computer had made a mistake and put “Null” in the place of the actual player? Oh, I was? Ok, never mind then. Grade: C

New England Patriots (10-6): The Wes Welker injury basically ruins everything for New England. Tom Brady only looks deep to Randy Moss about 8 times per game now, and every other pass is thrown short to Welker to move the sticks. With him gone, their chances of winning the Super Bowl are non-existent. It’s that simple. On the bright side, they won 3 of their last 4 heading into the playoffs. Grade: D

New York Jets (9-7): What weird team. Their running game and defense are both fantastic, but they’re just not very good as a whole. They don’t scare anybody, and I guarantee you that every playoff team would love a chance to play them in the next round. As for their final quarter, they won 3 of 4, but lost to Atlanta, beat Tampa Bay, beat the Colts JV, and beat the Bengals JV. Am I supposed to be impressed? I hope not. Grade: C+

Miami Dolphins (7-9): Well, Miami went out with a whimper. Losing three in a row to go from potential playoff team to sub-.500 team? Not exactly the way to close out the year. Oh well, you can’t win division titles every year, I guess. Grade: F

Buffalo Bills (6-10): A friend of mine is from the Buffalo area and I contemplated going with him to see the Colts-Bills regular season finale. Then I realized that by Week 17, we’d be resting our starters and they’d be starting God-knows-who at various positions. And that it’d be -51 degrees and probably snowing. Then I decided against it. Based on what I saw as I watched the game on TV, a great call by the Lankster. Grade: C-

Cincinnati Bengals (10-6): A fun team to follow simply because they have so many characters on the team. But a maddening team to follow because I still haven’t been able to peg them. Early on, they were a strong defensive team with a good running game that could complete a clutch pass or two thanks to Carson Palmer. Now, they’re a good defensive team with a solid running game and no passing game to speak of thanks to Carson Palmer not having any targets. I hope they beat the Jets Anyway, their final quarter showed that they can play with San Diego but also sink to the depths of Kansas City. Basically, they play up or down to their competition. Grade: C-

Pittsburgh Steelers (9-7): They won their last three, but only after they had an embarrassing loss to Cleveland. If you’re a Steelers fan, how frustrating is it to know that all you had to do was beat ONE of the following teams and you’d be in the playoffs: Cleveland, Oakland, Kansas City. That’s the list. Not good, Mike Tomlin; not good at all. Now go polish up that Super Bowl ring and get right for next year. Grade: B

Baltimore Ravens (9-7): They didn’t make it easy on themselves, but they ended up making the playoffs anyway. Winning 3 of their last 4 helped, but the Raiders game showed how unexplosive (is that a word?) their offense is. And no, Willis McGahee’s anomaly performance doesn’t count. Why doesn’t Ray Rice score more? I don’t kow either. Grade: B

Cleveland Browns (5-11): Four wins to close out the year? By the Brownies? Wow, color me impressed. In brown, I guess. Now pay Josh Cribbs, please. He’s your best player and probably your best quarterback, too. $1.4 million per year isn’t good enough. Grade: A

Indianapolis Colts (14-2): Damn, here we go again. After all of my ranting, raving, hoping, and wishing, Jim Caldwell is essentially giving the starters three weeks off and expecting them to be sharp for the playoff game in two weeks. Were it not for the fact that this method has never worked for us before, I wouldn’t be concerned. But when you consider that teams with bye weeks in the playoffs haven’t fared so well in recent years, this move makes me nervous. I still think we have the best team in the AFC, and possibly the NFL, but if we don’t come out sharp from snap one, it won’t much matter, will it? Sigh. Grade: D

Houston Texans (9-7): Four wins in a row to close the year almost got the Texas into the playoffs. They needed the Jets to lose to the Bengals, but that didn’t happen. Regardless, Houston fans should be excited for next year as Matt Schaub showed that he’s ready to be a premier quarterback in the NFL, and Andre Johnson has already shown that he’s a premier receiver. Add in an ever-improving defense, and the Texans are looking at a playoff spot next year. Stop me if you’ve heard this before. Grade: A

Jacksonville Jaguars (7-9): 7-5 to 7-9 with losses to Miami and Cleveland. Yeah, that’s not very good, Jags. But hey, at least you can draft Tim Tebow now in an attempt to garner some more fans before you move to Los Angeles, right? Grade: F

Tennessee Titans (8-8): Chris Johnson got 2,000 yards, but gets demerits for promising his linemen cars if he hit the mark, only to actually reward them with Rolexes. Not that a Rolex is a bad gift, but it’s not a car. Then again, this is also the guy who predicted a 10-game winning streak after they started 0-6, so take it for what it’s worth. Grade: B

Denver Broncos (8-8): New coach, same result: a choke job that prevents them from making the playoffs. Losing to Oakland and Kansas City isn’t exactly the way to set up your postseason chances. I’m just saying. Ask Pittsburgh, they’ll tell you the same thing. Denver’s slide + Florida getting housed by Alabama = Lank not calling Big Brother until Opening Day in April. Grade: F

San Diego Chargers (13-3): No hotter team in football right now. They’ve won 11 in a row and are clicking on all cylinders heading into the postseason. Philip Rivers has been masterful, and people still think LaDainian Tomlinson is a quality back even though he didn’t touch 100 yards in a game this year. As did none of their backs. Mr. Rivers, your table is ready. Grade: A

Oakland Raiders (5-11): Two things, Oakland: first, thanks for letting my boy Sebastian Janikowski kick a 61-yard field goal. That was awesome. Second, hire Mike Leach to make your team watchable again, even when Sebastian isn’t kicking 60+-yard field goals. That’s all. Grade: D

Kansas City Chiefs (4-12): Lost to Buffalo and Cleveland, but beat Denver? Umm, ok. I guess that’s good, right? Because isn’t Chiefs-Broncos one of those fabled NFL rivalries I’m supposed to care about? Or is that Chiefs-Raiders? Or Broncos-Raiders? Ah, forget it, I don’t want to waste any more of my time trying to figure it out…oh wait, isn’t it Cowboys-Redskins? Never mind, I got my Indian mascots mixed up. Sorry about that. Grade: D+

~~ Lank

Can I Get A Do-Over?

2010-01-08T22:02:00.002-05:00

You don’t want to say it? Fine, I’ll say it.

Last night’s BCS National Championship game was a huge ball of disappointment.

Obviously, the disappointment comes from Colt McCoy’s injury. Considering he had Texas down on the goal line on their first drive of the game, it’s fair to think that the score wouldn’t have been 24-6 in Alabama’s favor for much of the game had he been able to go the distance. I’m not normally one to deal in definites like “oh, if this-and-this had happened, then that-and-than would’ve happened.” However, I think it’s pretty clear that if Colt McCoy plays 60 minutes, Texas wins the national title.

Consider this: Alabama’s quarterback, Greg McElroy, completed six passes all night. Yes, 6. S-i-x. The Tide gained a total of 263 yards, 205 of which came on the ground. Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson were fantastic for Alabama and I’m not taking anything away from their performances, but the Tide offense wasn’t exactly rolling last night (no pun intended). Texas turned the ball over 5 times (4 Garrett Gilbert picks and a Gilbert fumble), yet Alabama was only up three midway through the 4th quarter. Can you honestly tell me that you think McCoy would’ve turned the ball over even half that much? He certainly wouldn’t have thrown the shovel-pass-turned-interception-for-a-touchdown right before the end of the first half. As easily as Gilbert began moving the chains once he was able to clean the urine from the inside of his pants, do you think McCoy wouldn’t have been able to do the same thing for longer than the quarter that Gilbert did?

Another aspect of this is that Alabama held the ball for nearly 34 minutes. Not a huge disparity in time of possession, but it’s more than the totals; it’s the length of possessions. Here are the times of Texas’ drives in the first half after McCoy went out with his injury: 1:07, 1:44, 1:49, 0:55, 0:47, 1:30, 0:26. All told, the Longhorns had 10 drives in the game that lasted LESS than 1 minute and 10 seconds. The defense constantly had to run back out on the field after getting a less than 70-second break. This fed right into Alabama’s gameplan of running the ball with Ingram and Richardson, and going on prolonged marches down the field. Had McCoy played, it’s fair to say the defense would have been a lot more rested. Would that have slowed the running of the Tide’s two great backs? It’s hard to say for sure, but it would have been interesting to see. Especially since slowing the running game down would have forced McElroy to throw more often; and he was sacked 5 times in the game while, again, only completing 6 passes. I like Texas’ chances if they get to see more of that.

At the end of the day, Alabama is the 2009 national champion and the history books will show as much. Nick Saban and his team had a terrific season and should be respected as champions. For those of us who watched the game, there will always be a huge “what if” attached to the outcome, but that shouldn’t take away from the accomplishments of the Crimson Tide. Based on the results, Alabama is the best team in college football.

As long as Colt McCoy isn’t playing.

~~ Lank

Taco Bell Denise Is Hot

2010-01-06T23:18:00.004-05:00

At first, I thought it was just me. Then, I asked a couple people and they agreed. After that, I did a Google search to see if anyone else shared my opinion. The next thing I know, I realized that I'm merely one of thousands that enjoys the (virtual) company of one lovely young lady.

Taco Bell Denise.

The name doesn't ring a bell (a-thank you)? Allow me to jog your memory/stimulate your sense of sight.

Taco Bell Denise is hot. Apparently, according to an inside source (thanks, 'Moo), Taco Bell Denise's real name is Nikki Danielle Moore, and she was in a few episodes of "8 Simple Rules" on ABC a few years back. I prefer to call her Taco Bell Denise (never TBD, because there's nothing 'to be determined' about her; she's a fox), and I really hope that she transfers locations to my neighborhood Taco Bell as soon as possible. I already visit the Bell too much as is, can you imagine how much I'd frequent the place if Taco Bell Denise worked there? My goodness, I'd probably get a restraining order placed on me or something. I'm like the guy in the commercial; I'd be much more comfortable ordering with Denise, too.

I'm not quite sure if Taco Bell Denise has captured my heart the way Anna Kendrick has, but let's just say that Taco Bell Denise has tons of momentum right now. Not only is she easy on the eyes, but she works at frickin' Taco Bell. In addition to exemplary companionship, Taco Bell Denise can also offer to bring over tacos and nachos galore when she finishes a shift. Obviously, Anna Kendrick can probably afford a taco or two, but is it the same? I say no. Taco Bell Denise is just a humble, hard-working member of the retail world; what's not to like about that? At the end of the day, I can't make a decision until Taco Bell Denise's commercial goes off the air and I'm able to spend some time away from her. You never know what you have until it's gone, right?

But if I get my way, that spot will never go off the air, and it'll run on a loop every time the show I'm watching has to cut to a commercial break. Long live Taco Bell Denise.

~~ Lank

GB's Big Ten Movies of 2009

2010-01-06T23:04:00.002-05:00

My boy, GB, first came to fame on Skip To My Lank by delivering one of my favorite quotes of 2009. Now, partly because I asked him to, partly because he was doing it anyway, and partly because he was inspired by my list, GB is here to deliver his Big Ten movies of 2009. It's called his "Big Ten" because there are eleven movies. If you don't get the humor in that, then I really think we need to start seeing other people. Basically, GB is an aspiring filmmaker, and has forgotten more about movies than I'll ever know. I value his opinion and would prefer that if you were forced to choose between my list and his, you'd read his. It's that serious. The fact that he and I shared some of the same favorite makes me feel better about my choices. Without further ado...

Best Film of the Year: A Serious Man

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If you consider just how prolific and consistently great Joel and Ethan Coen are, it’s hard to stack anyone up against them as far as the discussion of greatest working filmmakers goes. Still, they couldn’t get a wide release for their latest masterpiece. I guess it’s because you won’t recognize anyone in it beyond wondering “Oh, it’s the guy from, uh, uh…” It’s a loose re-telling of Job, filtered through that Midwestern lens that’s so specific to the Coens. It’s the kind of personal, risky film that only first-time filmmakers and established Cinema royalty dare lay at an audience’s feet. Like the universe it examines, it raises questions that demand to be answered but cannot be. Absurd. Long live the Brothers Coen.

The Next Best Ten (in alphabetical order):

Adventureland

Greg Mottola’s follow-up to Superbad is not as laugh-out-loud funny as that film, but it’s not trying to be. It’s the kind of movie you chuckle along with all the way through because its little touches all ring so true. I did not work at an amusement park in the 80’s, but I was nostalgic for that experience anyway. Oh, and Hollywood? More work for Martin Starr, please.

District 9

The year’s most enjoyable special effects were featured in a movie that cost $200-million less than Transformers 2. Besides displaying awesomely fun splatter tactics, District 9 was that rare, thoughtful piece of original sci-fi that connected at the box office. Taking cues from “Alien Nation” and The Fly, writer/director Neil Blomkamp (with no small amount of aid from producer Peter Jackson, surely) crafted an apartheid parable that was structurally daring, emotionally resonant, and downright fun. In addition, he got one of the year’s best leading performances out of a guy who’d never really acted before. The character of Wikus Van De Merwe was already written quite well, but Sharlto Copley gets you to connect with him from the beginning when he’s pretty much a nervous, racist wuss to the end when he’s…well, I’d hate to ruin it for anybody.

The Hurt Locker

For the vast majority of its runtime, The Hurt Locker is as good as films get. Kathryn Bigelow’s direction is just plain doggone taut. My heart pounded like a heavy metal kick drum during the disarming scenes. Every point that needs to be made is made by simply showing these guys do their job. Jeremy Renner’s badass performance doesn’t hurt, either. Unfortunately, Mark Boal’s script gets bogged down by just a few scenes in which people openly discuss these points as if he’d hate for the audience to think about what they’re experiencing and tool it out. Even more unfortunate is the fact that most audiences probably appreciated that. It’s still a great film, but those scenes annoyed me.

Inglourious Basterds

Hard to deny Basterds the #1 spot. Tarantino has crafted a beautifully messy love song for Cinema, going so far as to suggest that it can win wars. It’s just enjoyable as hell. Cristoph Waltz is flat-out brilliant. Brad Pitt and his gang are riotous. Melanie Laurent is mesmerizing. My only complaint is that we don’t get to see more of the Basterds. I’d watch a four or five-hour cut of this, easy. It always takes time to tell, but this could end up being my favorite QT film.

The Road

In a just world, Viggo Mortensen would be a lock for Best Actor at any ceremony where they hand out movie awards this year. And John Hillcoat would have no problem financing any upcoming project of his choosing. Unfortunately we live in this world where Viggo is being ignored as usual, Hillcoat’s much-anticipated (by me at least) next project just fell apart, and hardly anyone is seeing or appreciating this faithful and moving adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s incredible novel. For shame. The highest prize I can give The Road is that it operates just like the beak. Casts a huge, bleak, monotonous background out of which its emotional grip sneaks and takes hold of you. You don’t even realize the extent to which the story is working on you, then suddenly you’re torn apart inside.

Star Trek

Considering I like sci-fi and write sci-fi, a lot of people are surprised to learn that, prior to 2009, the only piece of Star Trek fiction I’ve ever experienced in its entirety was The Wrath of Khan, which is not shabby at all. No real reason, just never got into the series. But I am into JJ Abrams, brother. And I will test any water with his name on it. The man doesn’t disappoint with this reboot of the long-running franchise. The first act of Star Trek is perfect. Science fiction doesn’t get better. The end of the film doesn’t match the brilliance of the beginning and there are some difficult plot holes to work through, but it soars far above the typical summer blockbuster and is really re-watchable. Also, based on the trailers, I thought I was going to hate Chris Pine as Captain Kirk, but he’s fantastic. I am an official fan.

Up in the Air

In Jason Reitman’s debut feature, Thank You for Smoking, Aaron Eckhart played a world-class tobacco lobbyist, a man who thrived at his job that thrived on keeping people addicted to poisonous cigarettes. In Reitman’s latest, Up in the Air, George Clooney plays Ryan Bingham, a legend in his business, which is to fly around the country firing people. His job thrives on other people losing theirs. In the current economic state, his business is booming. The two films make very interesting companion pieces, studies of men who are achieving their dreams, which have the side effect of detaching them from any sort of binding human connection. Ryan Bingham is unafraid to compellingly argue that this is maybe not such a big deal. Or maybe it is. At the very least, the debate is more complex than most people would like to think. It’s a film well-fit for its time, and one that has stuck deeply in my mind. Great performances across the board. (Though I could’ve used more Zach Galifiankais.) Reitman has knocked it out of the park three times in a row now, and he’s kind enough to consistently take the story in unexpected directions en route to a pleasingly difficult ending.

Watchmen

Trying to adapt any Alan Moore property is a pretty thankless job. If you screw with it at all, fanboys are going to crucify you, and a story like Watchmen is too dense to faithfully adapt for a theatrical release. But that’s what Zach Snyder attempted, and he comes about as close as anybody could to getting it just right. It’s a visual master-stroke that will reward repeat viewings (perhaps even require them for most), revealing its layers of story and philosophy and critique of superhero lore. The “Ultimate Cut”, which re-inserts deleted scenes and splices in the animated comic “Tales from the Black Freighter”, gets even closer to the sprawling meta-work that was Alan Moore’s comic, but will probably just be more confusing for non-fans. And yes, he changed the ending, but it probably works better cinematically then the squid ending could have.

Where the Wild Things Are

So, the story goes that sudio execs were terrified of Spike Jonze and co-writer Dave Eggers’ adaptation of Maurice Sendak’s classic story. Kids cried at test screenings. It was too dark. It was too adult. The more of this I heard, the more I prayed that that was the version I’d get to see. I’m pretty sure it was, and now I totally understand their fears. It is a bizarre film to put in wide release. Like the book before it, there’s very little plot to this story of a boy who becomes king of a gang of wild creatures inside his own mind. Where the book was ten sentences, though, the movie’s 100 minutes long. A very grown-up, 100-minute musing on what it feels like to be nine years old. With awesome giant puppets. What can I say? It made me cry. God bless Spike Jonze. And God bless Warner Brothers’ approach to their tentpoles. They let Christopher Nolan do his brilliant thing with Batman. They’ve steered the Harry Potter films in a respectable direction. And they’ve taken laudable risks on bold directorial visions this year between Jonze and Zach Snyder (Watchmen).

Zombieland

The best surprise of the year. I had very, very mild expectations for Z-Land, but it’s a helluva good time. Jesse Eisenberg plays Jesse Eisenberg, but it works. Woody Harrelson is pitch-perfect. And Emma Stone moved into official crush territory. What really shocked me was that it went beyond a “funny zombie movie”. It was really more a mash-up of zombies and an indie teen romance, and fires on all cylinders. Probably the most fun I had at the movies this year.

Ten More (Honorable mention):

(500) Days of Summer

Anvil! The Story of Anvil

Away We Go

Big Fan

The Damned United

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Funny People

In the Loop

Moon

Movies I didn’t get to see that I suspect could’ve altered the list:

A Single Man

The White Ribbon

Crazy Heart

Worst Piece of Crap Movie of the Year:

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Lank note: I didn't tell him to put this up here, it's just really that bad. Yes, I detested them making a movie out of my favorite childhood cartoon and said as much all summer long, but I honestly didn't tell GB to do me any favors with this one. Again, it just sucked a lot.)

~~ GB

Taking Advice from The Veteran

2010-01-05T23:07:00.004-05:00

I read an article once upon a time that listed the stereotypes of people that you meet in the workplace. They weren't really that accurate, nor were they very funny (probably because people not named Karl Malone are too P.C. to keep it real these days), but there was one in particular that it hit on.

The Veteran.

Basically, The Veteran is that person who's worked at your place of employment for years and years. They can recall the time the company moved buildings, the time they merged with another company, the crazy people that used to work in the department a decade ago; you know, all of that quality stuff. I'm happy to report that not only does my department have a veteran, but our version of The Veteran is the man.

For the four people who read my training class piece, The Veteran is the one who makes the Len Bias quote at the end. Oh yeah, he's that legit.

There are certain topics that will get The Veteran fired up (in a good way), such as the North Carolina Tar Heels, Top Gun, beer, the enormity of America's debt (the man has a solution to our nation's economic problems, maybe I should tell Barry), and anything from the 1980s. And I do mean anything. 'Moo and I spend our days trying to come up with ways to fire up The Veteran without making it too obvious. After all, The Veteran is The Veteran for a reason, and he's not gonna stand for some young punks getting raspy with him. Plus, as animated as he gets when he's fired up in a good way, I'd hate to see what'd happen if he got fired up in a bad way. In a word: death. Unbeknownst to me, but not surprising in the least, The Veteran also has another topic that will take him from a 2 to a 9.4 on the "jacked" scale with the mention of a single word.

Vegas.

One of my roommates is getting hitched in June, so in March, we're all rolling deep to Vegas in order to make some bad decisions, both financially and socially. When I approached The Veteran to get his input on America's Playground, he gave me a Vegas crash course in about 30 minutes with more information than you'd normally get in a weekend there. Hotels, casinos, restaurants, games to play; I mean, the dude was on a roll. The best part was that every recommendation seemed to come with a story to back it up.

My favorite was his story about playing craps (the ultimate team game in Vegas) at a table with about 10 Japanese businessmen. One particular Japanese fellow got the hot hand and was just making it rain on the rest of the table. In order to show their appreciation for his talent, several of the other Japanese businessmen, still dressed in suits from their meeting earlier, picked up the roller over their shoulders and began chanting his name while repeatedly pumping him up and down. Think about that for a minute. That happened. Obviously that's legit, but it's even more legit that The Veteran could recall this story at a moment's notice, tell it in 20 seconds, and have on the floor laughing for the next 5 minutes. All while explaining to me why it's a good idea to play craps in Vegas.

What a hero.

My personal favorite moment of the lecture was when he paid me the ultimate compliment. "Man," The Veteran said, "I'd really like to play craps with you some day, because knowing you, if you got the hot hand, you'd be doing a bunch of crazy shit at the table to celebrate." Honestly, I don't know if that's a back-handed compliment or a straight-up compliment, but I do know that I felt completely honored by his comment. To have a man of his stature tell me that he'd like to be there while I'm setting the dice on fire...I mean, what can I even say to that?

All I can say is that when I head to Las Vegas in a couple months, I'm going to do my best to make The Veteran proud. The lessons he taught me, the experience he passed down to me, and the confidence he instilled in me will be much more valuable than the craps and blackjack books I'm reading in order to prepare, strategically, for the trip. If I just channel my inner Veteran, I know that everything will turn out alright.

It's not everyday that a workplace legend decides to give you knowledge that will benefit you in the future. When veterans pass along such wisdom, it's because they trust you and feel you're ready to learn the tricks of the trade. And by "tricks of the trade," I mean, "stuff that has nothing to do with work, but you need to know it anyway". The Veteran may not be in his prime anymore, but he's selfless enough to ensure that his legacy will still be thriving in today's youth as long as he gives them the proper direction.

So when you see that lanky fellow at a craps table in Vegas the first weekend in March "doing a bunch of crazy shit at the table to celebrate", just know that The Veteran sent him to wreck shop. Don't hate the player; hate the game.

~~ Lank

Karl Keepin' It Real

2010-01-05T22:53:00.003-05:00

Every now and then, you just need somebody to keep it real in order to bring some clarity to a situation. Luckily for me, Karl Malone was more than happy to do just that when discussing the Gilbert Arenas fiasco.

Read this.

I mean, really, can you think of a more manly human being to be talking about this? Yeah, me neither. There is so much truth and real talk in that column that I'm almost ashamed to share the same Interwebs as Mr. Malone. If there were an alternate Internet that I could use, I'd certainly do so just to show the proper respect.

I don't know who the genius at SI.com was who decided to ask the Mailman for his opinion on the matter, but that guy should definitely be given a promotion and a raise...and creative control of the website. If we could get more articles like this online as opposed to gossip posing as "news", we'd be in a lot better shape.

And our kids wouldn't be acting like such idiots.

~~ Lank

Lank's Favorite Movies of 2009

2009-12-31T18:03:00.003-05:00

Since everyone and their brother seems to be making up a list of their favorite things of the year (and decade), I figured I’d be arrogant enough to think that you’re wondering what my favorite movies of the year were.

A couple of rules here:

-- These are my favorite movies of the year; not necessarily the most technically perfect. “Avatar” was a landmark achievement in filmmaking, but I can’t say that I thoroughly enjoyed watching it.

-- There are a couple movies on my list that were released in 2008, but I actually saw them in 2009. That counts in my book. I can’t call them the best of 2008 if I didn’t see them until the following year

-- I stuck to movies that I saw in theaters. I’d never seen any of the X-Men movies until 2009 (it’s a long story; don’t ask), but watched them all on DVD this summer. That doesn’t count. How is that different than my previous rule? I don’t know, but it just is.

I think that’s it for rules. Let’s get to the meat-and-taters and give the people what they paid to see, shall we?. Without further ado…

10.) Public Enemies – This Michael Mann film, starring Johnny Depp Christian Bale, and Marion Cotillard, was one of the most-anticipated movies of the year for me. During my live-blogs of the NBA Finals, I probably mentioned “Public Enemies” at least 13 times. As I said in my review, there were some things about it I didn’t like. The pace early on was somewhat slow and there really wasn’t a narrative forming until about 1/3 of the way through the film. However, once Mann zeroed in on his topic (the fast-living and capers of John Dillinger), “Public Enemies” went to the next level. The last half-hour or so of this movie is downright superb and left me leaving the movie theater with an overwhelmingly positive feeling about how I’d spent the previous two hours. Full of good action, good lines, and a good story, “Public Enemies” was certainly worth the wait for me.

9.) The Blind Side – Yeah, I went there. When I first heard that they were making a movie about the life and times of Ravens OG Michael Oher, I was skeptical. I’d heard that the book on which the movie is based (written by Michael Lewis) was very good, but that doesn’t always mean a movie is a good idea. The previews came out, the buzz built, and I decided that I really wanted to see it. And I’m certainly glad that I did. Charming without ever being hokey; inspiring without ever being too preachy; and emotional without ever being too sappy; “The Blind Side” really hit on all aspects of the story equally well. Oher’s football career is documented, of course, but the relationship between he and his new family is explored as well. Sandra Bullock does a terrific job as Leigh Anne Tuohy, Michael’s “new mom”, and really gives the film its character. I can’t say that I cried during the movie, but I will admit that I had something in my eye during a scene or two. You should watch “The Blind Side”; you really should.

8.) Watchmen – Initially, I didn’t have much of a desire to see this one. I saw the trailer during my first viewing of “The Dark Knight” and thought it was fantastic. All of the action, with The Smashing Pumpkins song in the background, and a Rorschach voice-over? Superb. That got my interesting going a little bit, but the reviews were mixed upon its release so I didn’t get much of a boost from that. Eventually, I decided to give it a shot, and I’m really glad that I did. Yeah, there were some plot holes and it was a touch too long, but man, what an epic movie. The action scenes were fabulous, it has a great look to it, and the story itself was quite engrossing. You could feel the plight of these superheroes as they saw their friends being picked off one by one. I haven’t read the comic books, so I can’t give you an opinion of its loyalty to the original story; but I can say that I liked the film incarnation of “Watchmen” just fine.

7.) Zombieland – Probably the most fun I had in the movie theaters this year. Talk about a movie that knew exactly what it was and exactly what it wasn’t. Obviously, knowing that Woody Harrelson was killing zombies meant that I was going to see it regardless, but “Zombieland” surprised me with its sense of humor and irreverent charm. Never a dull moment in this movie, and just when you think things might be bogging down, Woody finds another zombie to kill in a badass way. The movie is quite gory and has some choice language, so it’s not for everyone. But if you enjoy tons of fun, a lot of action, and some genuinely good laughs, “Zombieland” is for you. Considering I enjoy all of those things immensely, and Woody Harrelson wrecking shop, I couldn’t have enjoyed this movie any more than I did.

6.) Up in the Air – A late entry into my top ten considering I just saw it a few days ago. No, this isn’t one of those “what I just saw is the best thing that I saw” type deals. What do you think I am, an Academy Award voter (why else do you think studios release their “Oscar-worthy” films at the very end of the year)? I really liked “Up in the Air”. The dialogue is sharp, the story is very interesting (and pertinent in these times), and George Clooney has never been better. If you thought he was cool and charming in the “Ocean’s” movies, wait until you see him as Ryan Bingham in this one. You probably think that I’m biased since I’m in love with her, but Anna Kendrick was lights-out as Natalie Keener, a fresh-out-of-college career woman who is the yin to Bingham’s yang. The two play off each other well and give the movie its spirit. As you watch this movie, you run the gambit of emotions and see the characters in several different lights. As character-driven movies go, this is just about as good as it gets.

5.) Star Trek – For the record, I’m not a Trekkie. Glad we cleared that up. Big Brother he told me that he didn’t want to see this movie because he didn’t like Star Trek in general. Fair enough, but I didn’t like the whole Star Trek thing either before seeing the movie (and still don’t, to be honest). However, when the previews were released, I noticed that it didn’t have the traditional Star Trek feel, and it seemed like more of a recent Star Trek, if that makes sense. Rather than being confined to spaceships and crazy galaxies, the characters were on the ground, in school, and behaving, well, normally. Plus, J.J. Abrams directed it, and I trust that guy. I saw it, and I loved it. The story was well-paced, yet informative. I didn’t feel like I missed any of the nuances of the story because Abrams was in a hurry to blow up something else. Since it’s a “reset” of the franchise, I got an education in Star Trek without having to catch up on older movies. Basically, “Star Trek” hit on all the right notes while avoiding the landmines that come with doing a film for such a famous brand. Apparently, even the old-school Trekkies liked it and thought it did justice to the original story. Who would have wagered on that? Well done, Mr. Abrams; well done, indeed.

4.) Up – In a way, this was my favorite movie on 2009. To try to describe the plot of this tale would risk getting my institutionalized, so I’ll just tell you what I thought about it. Visually, “Up” was mesmeric. The balloon-fueled house soaring over the city and into the jungle was just awe-inspiring. I don’t know how those Pixar dudes do what they do; but I’m really glad that they do (that made sense, I think). There is a scene early on that does not have a single word of dialogue, not one, and still manages to make people with any semblance of sensitivity cry. Strictly through the images and emotion pouring from the screen. Amazing. Plot-wise, “Up” is very well done. All of the twists and turns have a point, and there is never a scene in which you find yourself wondering how it ties into the overarching story. The characters are remarkably developed, and you find yourself rooting for some and rooting against the others simply because of who they are and what they stand for. There are many, many funny moments that draw genuine laughs from anyone watching the movie. If you’re not laughing when Russell’s face is loudly dragging across the window of Muntz’s zeppelin, then I don’t want to know you. All in all, “Up” manages to tell a funny, exciting, heartwarming story without ever being cheesy and without relying on the stunning visuals to carry it. What people fail to realize about Pixar is that when they make a movie, they don’t make something pretty and then shoehorn in a story; they write a fascinating story and then add in the visuals. And it shows with a classic like “Up”.

3.) The Hangover – Come on now, you knew it was coming. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that much in a movie theater. Sure, it probably doesn’t have the technical merits of “Up” or the charm of “Up in the Air”, but I had a really, really good time watching “The Hangover”. The story is quite original in its own right. Yeah, the “let’s go to a vacation spot and have something crazy happen” angle isn’t new, but the way in which the story was told is. Rather than showing the debauchery that occurred the night Doug, Alan, Stu, and Phil went to Vegas for Doug’s bachelor party and ended up losing Doug, the story begins with the trip to Vegas, but then skips ahead to the morning after. From there, the memory-impaired trio must attempt to retrace their steps from the night before in order to find their lost friend (and groom). Hilarity ensues, their story goes from crazy to crazier, and the laughs keep coming. The dialogue in the movie is great, and the chemistry between the nerd (Stu), the cool friend (Phil), and the eccentric brother-in-law-to-be (Alan) really shines. It’s one of those movies that you think would be a lot of fun to make because everyone in the movie seems to be having a good time. Mike Tyson’s cameo, a tiger in the bathroom, and a white baby named Carlos; what else could you ask for? For me, the answer is nothing.

2.) Slumdog Millionaire – Remember how I mentioned that there would be a movie or two from 2008 that would be on the list? Yeah, here’s the first one. Released late last year, I saw “Slumdog” in February 2009, a few days after my birthday. I’d heard all of the hype and what not, but my homeboy GB told me to see it, and when GB tells me to see a movie, I probably need to see it. Without giving too much away, “Slumdog” is about an Indian young man who gets on the Indian version of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” in order to attract the attention of his childhood love interest, who he knows is a fan of the show. Despite not having any formal education, the guy is able to answer questions based on previous life experiences. Those experiences comprise the bulk of the movie, as we see his evolution from young boy to young man in these flashbacks. “Slumdog” is very intense and keeps you on the edge of your seat throughout. Not in a thriller-genre type way, but in a “man, I can’t wait to see what happens next” type of way. You’re never scared, but you are captivated the entire time you’re watching it. The way the filmmaker, Danny Boyle, intertwines the flashback scenes with the present-day action is pure genius, and gives “Slumdog” a wonderful pace. If you haven’t seen it yet, do so ASAP. It’s one of the rare movies that actually lives up to the hype.

1.) The Wrestler – And here is the other movie from 2008 that makes my list. It happens to be the chart-topper, no less. This isn’t some commentary on the lackluster filmmaking in 2009 or anything silly like that, I just really liked these two movies, especially “The Wrestler”. As a kid, I grew up watching professional wrestling religiously. From about 1990 through 2000, I could name every wrestler in both major promotions (WCW and WWF), the storylines in which he/she was involved, his/her favorite moves, and the other personas that that wrestler had used. I was a wrestling junkie. If you try to tell me that Demolition was better than the Road Warriors, I really might try to fight you. Anyway, being a fan also had its downside. Mainly, when wrestlers die young (as many of them do, sadly), you begin to wonder what it took for those guys to entertain you every night. The toll that it takes on their bodies is massive, and the mental repercussions of performing in such a profession begin to manifest as well. I say all that to say this: “The Wrestler” showed me what the dark side of professional wrestling looks like. It was gripping, emotional, and sometimes dreary. Watching Mickey Rourke portray Randy “The Ram” Robinson was like watching one of my old favorite wrestlers bandy about in society trying to find their way outside the only world they’ve ever known. Once the arena lights and crowd noise are removed from these guys’ lives, they never quite behave the same. They know nothing else. For too long, wrestlers have been dying too soon at an alarming rate and their story was never told. Thanks to director Darren Aronofsky and Rourke’s legendary performance, we got a glimpse into the under belly of pro wrestling. No, it wasn’t pretty, but I can honestly say that I will never forget the way that “The Wrestler” made me feel while I was watching it, and the way that it made me think after I left the theater. Rest in peace to all of my childhood heroes of the squared circle who are no longer with us.

There you have it. My ten favorite movies of 2009. What do you think? Do you agree for the most part? Disagree for the most part? I realize that I left out some movies that a lot you liked, but there were some that I wasn’t so fond of, and others that I just didn’t get around to seeing. Here’s a quick list of movies that I wanted to see, but never did so: Inglourious Basterds, State of Play, Michael Jackson’s This Is It (I should be draw-and-quartered for not seeing this), Brothers, Ninja Assassin, Everybody’s Fine, Invictus, Sherlock Holmes (high on the list for 2010), and Couples Retreat (surprised? Yeah, me too, but Jason Bateman is my boy, and it, along with State of Play, is the only movie of his that I haven’t seen; that’s the only reason it’s on here).

~~ Lank

Bored Lank = Interesting Factoid

2009-12-30T23:34:00.000-05:00

A buddy of mine at work, Gotham, sent me an interesting question via email today. He asked me who had more players in the NBA, the ACC or the Big East? Gotham is a native New Yorker (hence his alias) and supports the Big East, so I'm sure he was trying to win a bet or something. I confessed that I didn't have the answer on hand, but told him I'd do some research. A few hours later, I had some down time, so I decided to look over every NBA roster and do the math myself. Here are the results for those two conferences as well as the other "BCS conferences" (rosters as of December 30, 2009):

Big East - 52

ACC - 49

Pac-10 - 47

SEC - 37

Big 12 - 34

Big Ten - 31

Nothing overly surprising there. The Big East was boosted by the fact that I included all of the alumni of teams that are currently in the conference, so guys like Kenyon Martin and Quentin Richardson, who never played in the Big East, were counted towards their total. May this post prove to you that if you need any questions born out of curiosity answered, email me at work and I'll be happy to do my best. Is that what they're paying me for? Not really, but we'll consider my employer a co-investor in Skip To My Lank so that I can sleep better at night. How's that?

~~ Lank

Texas Tech Gets Messy

2009-12-30T23:25:00.001-05:00

Talk about a story that keeps getting weirder and weirder. The Mike Leach fiasco at Texas Tech reached an apex today when the university fired their successful football coach “with cause”, amidst reports that Leach mistreated a member of his football team by placing him in an electrical closet during practice after the player had mentioned suffering a concussion.

Oh, and did I mention that this player is Adam James, the son of ESPN analyst Craig James? If you don’t think that had anything to do with the magnitude of this story, then I have some residential property in Las Vegas I’d like to sell you.

Adam James is a little-used wide receiver and was supposedly frustrated with his playing time. Needless to say, he and Coach Leach probably didn’t have the best of relationships; especially if James had a girlfriend. When whatever happened happened (and the details are still coming out. Leach admits to keeping James away from the team during practice, but in an air-conditioned facility that was near the practice fields. Either way, it’s one man’s word against another and the truth will likely never be known), James probably took it extremely hard, considering the incident was coupled with the frustration of not playing on a regular basis.

Adding a further layer to the story is the fact that Texas Tech and Leach had a very testy contract renegotiation last summer, and haven’t been on the same page ever since. Leach and AD Gerald Myers have a relatively frosty relationship, making it all the more unsurprising that Leach was fired. As soon as word about the incident emerged, I was pretty sure that the end result would be a parting of ways of some kind. That’s not to say that there was conspiracy against Leach by the administration or anything, but he was on a short leash, to say the least. When you get accused of putting a player in an electrical closet as punishment (for an injury, no less), that tends to violate a “short leash”. I’m just saying.

According to reports, the players aren’t in complete agreement about the decision. Some are defending James and saying that they’re happier now that Leach is gone. Others have questioned James’ work ethic and the validity of his story. Defensive coordinator Ruffin McNeil has taken over as interim head coach, and does not appear to have been involved in any of the episodes that occurred at Texas Tech during this period. With all of this in mind, it’ll be interesting to see how the Red Raiders perform in the Alamo Bowl against Michigan State (January 2nd, ESPN, 9 pm). Will they unite during the turmoil and put on a good performance? Or will they fall prey to all of the distractions and come out looking rattled? They’re better than Michigan State, so the only thing affecting the outcome of this game is Texas Tech’s mindset.

It’s hard to say what’s next for Mike Leach. He’s regarded as a brilliant offensive mind, as evidenced by the fact that his teams regularly score some of the highest point totals in the country. However, in today’s politically correct world, the mishandling of a player is a scarlet letter of sorts for coaches. It’s ok to lie to athletics directors, switch schools at the drop of a hat, and violate recruiting bylaws. But if you mistreat a player, whew boy, you’re considered a bad person. My best guess is that he’ll resurface at the mid-major level, keep his nose clean for a few years, and then get another big-time gig. His behavior at Texas Tech has always been quirky, but never abrasive, so future employers will be willing to overlook this incident so long as it seems to be an isolated occurrence. Besides, America is all about giving coaches with questionable ethics second chances.

Just ask Nick Saban.

~~ Lank

The Cat Whisperer

2009-12-29T23:41:00.003-05:00

I alluded to this little episode in my Christmas recap, but here it is in all its glory.

My buddy, Dirty D, wanted to get his mom a new kitten for Christmas. His family has one, but they’d previously owned another one before it passed away, so he wanted to get the total back to two. Without having a car to drive, he asked me if I would mind taking him to get the new kitten. I had no qualms with it, and was happy to help a brotha out…especially when it comes to buying Mom Dukes a Christmas present. Due to needing to keep the kitten with its mother for a certain timeframe, the earliest we could pick up the kitten was Christmas Eve. No biggie, this would only take an hour or so, right?

Wrong.

We set off to get the kitten from a couple whose cat had just delivered a litter of them (I don’t know if “litter” is the proper term for cats, but I know that it is for dogs, so we’ll just use it anyway, ok? Thanks, I knew you’d understand). Dirty D picks up the kitten, makes some small talk with the couple, and then tells me that he’d appreciate it if we stopped by Wal-Mart or PetSmart to pick up a few things for Little Kitty Thing (who will now be referred to as ‘LKT’ for the remainder of the post). Yeah, not a problem, how long can it take? A half hour at most?

Try again.

Wal-Mart was more crowded than a mall with Justin Bieber playing, so we decided PetSmart would be the better option; especially since LKT could come in with us (for the record, I hate cats. I think they bring nothing to the table as pets and cost entirely too much since you get zero return on your investment. Well, except sass and attitude. And if I wanted sass and attitude, I’d just get a girlfriend, but that’s neither here nor there…). This is literally how the beginning of our trip to PetSmart went:

Dirty D (holding LKT): “Yo, could you grab a cart so we can put the stuff in it?”

Me (not holding LKT): “Yeah, sure.”

I turn around to grab a cart.

I hear some chatter going on behind me.

I grab the cart, whip back around, and BOOM, there she is…The Cat Whisperer.

I’m like 97.2% sure she rappelled from the ceiling or something. Maybe she came up from beneath us. I honestly wouldn’t call you a liar if you told me that she’d vaporized upon seeing us and then regenerated at our location. I mean, it was ninja-esque. As soon as she opened her mouth, I knew I’d better block out a solid hour for this trip to PetSmart. Yippee.

The Cat Whisperer: “Hi, my name is (The Cat Whisperer); do you need help with getting some things for your new kitten?”

Me (in my head, though I almost blurted it out): “For the love of God, D; please say no. Please, please, please say no.”

Dirty D: “Yeah, that’d be awesome.”

Me (again, in my head, but I got even closer to blurting this out): “Awesome? Seriously? You think that’d be awesome? I think I’d rather be tied down while a bunch of kindergartners pull my hair and paint all over my clothes. Awesome?”

The Cat Whisperer then proceeds to tell us that she owns like 3,148 cats, has worked in a cat adoption agency for years, and volunteers at PetSmart’s adoption clinic to help out new owners.

Fantastic. This just keeps getting better and better.

The Cat Whisperer grabs her cart, which has four cats in travel carriers in it. Seriously, I counted them. At first I thought they were empty travel carriers that she was stocking or something. But no, they definitely had cats in them. All of them. While sitting in a shopping cart. Am I the only one who thinks that’s kinda weird? Yes? Ok, never mind then.

Being an optimist, I try to convince myself that her experience is going to lead to a quick trip through PetSmart since she’ll know exactly where everything is, and exactly what LKT will need to grow up big and strong like ox. The 2% of me that’s a pessimist realized that this could also mean that she’d take her sweet time explaining every nuance of every product to us, “informing” us so that we could make the best decision for our new kitten (and by “we”, I mean “Dirty D”, because I didn’t care what we bought as long as it didn’t kill LKT).

I hate it when my pessimist side is right; I really do.

For the next 45 minutes, we peruse the aisles as The Cat Whisperer gives us the in-and-out of every product. Food, toys, beds, bowls; you name it, we got the lowdown on it. The sad thing is that Dirty D wasn’t looking for anything too fancy, because LKT just needed a temporary home until he was old enough to be introduced to the rest of the house (and the other cat). The other sad thing is that Dirty D could tell by the pained expression on my face that I really wanted to vamoose, but he proceeded to ask more and more questions anyway. I respect the fact that he’s a caring owner and wants to do right by LKT; I really do.

But Lank was ready to roll (yes, I just went third-person on you).

Finally, we get everything that we “needed” and say farewell to The Cat Whisperer. She lectured us on proper feeding techniques before she dismissed us from class, and told us to come back and see her if we had any questions or concerns. At least now I know what I can do if I ever have a good hour or so that I need to waste. Glad that’s cleared up.

We check out, put all of LKT’s goodies in my car and head home. Once we’re there, we smuggled LKT and his treasure trove into Dirty D’s room. His mother was unaware that he was getting her a kitten, so we had to be secretive once we got back to his house. That, and his dad probably would’ve punted LKT 50 yards had he known he existed before Dirty D presented LKT to his mom, so the stakes were high.

All’s well that ends well, right? Dirty D kept LKT hidden, his mom was very, very happy with her gift the next day, and LKT got a real name: Peanut.

So, Peanut, live a full, healthy life; respect your elders; say your prayers; take your vitamins; and behave for Uncle Lank whenever he comes to visit. Lord knows that he and Brother Dirty D had to dodge some bullets to get you where you are, so appreciate our efforts and make our trip worthwhile.

Man, the more I think about it, the more it sounds like I should have titled this post “Saving Private Peanut".

~~ Lank

The Joys (And Woes) of Christmas

2009-12-29T23:29:00.004-05:00

Seasons Greetings and all of that good stuff. I hope that everyone had a delightful Christmas and got some good presents from old St. Nick. Because I know you were curious about how my holiday vacation went, I’ll be glad to give you some highlights (and lowlights) of my (almost) week at home with Willie P, Baseball Mom, and Big Brother.

-- Going to a high school reunion and seeing some folks that I hadn’t seen in forever. Despite being a young’n, enough time has passed since my high school glory days that it’s good to catch up with old classmates.

-- At said reunion, I was one of the few white people in attendance as my high school was predominantly black. During one episode that night, my homeboy, EP, was trying to close out his tab and was having issues with the bartender. A middle-aged woman, who was sitting next to where EP was standing and, thus, heard everything that was going on, saw me standing next to EP and said, “excuse me, do you work here?” to which EP, without missing a beat, replied, “nah, he’s just white.” Guilty as charged.

-- Seeing “Up in the Air” with Baseball Mom and Willie P. A very good movie. Go see it. Tell ‘em Lank sent ya. Not that that will do anything at the box office, but I’ve always wanted to say that for some reason. Oh, and the movie also gave me a great line to use to my “elders”. Anna Kendrick’s character is talking to George Clooney and Vera Farmiga’s characters, and she says, “I appreciate what your generation did for me…” which can be used myriad ways. I spent the rest of the weekend telling my parents that I appreciate what their generation did for me while doing various things. My testing is still in the beta phase, but I really think I can put that line to good use. I’ll keep you posted.

-- A highlight and lowlight happened on the same trip. I drove a friend of mine to get a new kitten for his mom as a Christmas gift. We got the cat without a problem and things were going well…until we had an encounter with the Cat Whisperer, which is deserving of its own post. Not fun.

-- Kicking it with my boys G’zy and Lefty until 5 am on Saturday night. I hadn’t seen either of them in too long, so it was nice to be up to our old tricks again. I tried to convince Baseball Mom the next morning (later that morning?) that I actually got in around 1 am, but she wasn’t having it. I still haven’t conceded this point to her. (It was also that night that I was introduced to this, so that's obviously another highlight of the weekend.)

-- The Spurs dropping a game to Portland Wednesday night, at home, was pretty irritating. Portland played the game with 3 players, an assistant coach, and a team manager and still beat us on our own floor. How embarrassing.

-- Since we’re discussing sports teams (and by “we”, I mean “me”), the Blues lost two out of three over my break, the Spurs won two out of three, and the Colts JV lost to the Jets. Not exactly the exhilarating weekend I had in mind sports-wise.

-- I can’t decide if it’s a highlight or a lowlight, but hearing about Urban Meyer’s “resignation” almost put Big Brother on suicide watch. Obviously, I don’t want my brother to off himself, but the thought of the best coach in America no longer residing in Gainesville rubbed me the right way. Now that Meyer has decided to return, Big Brother has stepped off the ledge, and I’m getting closer to it. God forbid the Colts lose early in the playoffs again…

-- A trifecta courtesy of one of my friends: she called me on her way into town Wednesday night and talked with me for a couple hours. Then, I got to see her the next day on my way home from the Cat Whisperer experience, and she was somehow wearing a pretty sweet onesie that looked impossible for anyone older than 11 to fit into. But she pulled it off, bless her heart. Finally, she informed me that her parents are fans of Skip To My Lank; so thanks to them for that. All in all, she pushed all the right buttons.

-- Skip ripping into Los Heels for their performance in the Tire Bowl was quite amusing. It was about 5 minutes of unfiltered Skip; and that’s something that I’m never not a fan of. I don’t know if that last sentence makes sense to anyone else but me, but whatever.

-- Not getting to watch a full run of “A Christmas Story” despite its 24-hour loop on TBS. I know, I know; I’m ashamed of me, too.

-- Without question, the highlight of highlights for Christmas ’09 was the look on my parents’ faces when Big Brother and I strolled into their apartment with a brand new 37” LCD TV. The mix of surprise/gratitude/appreciation/shock/joy in their expressions was great to see; and considering that they’ve been responsible for about 100 of those looks from my brother and me in our lifetimes, it was fun to finally turn the tables on them for a change. Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad; we love you. And we also love that we’ll be able to watch all of our shows in HD when we come home now.

~~ Lank

Lank Still Loves The Colts

2009-12-28T23:28:00.003-05:00

As you may have heard (unless you don't watch sports or live under a rock...or don't watch sports while living under a rock), the Indianapolis Colts suffered their first loss of the season. Big deal? Eh, not really.

But how they lost it is.

As the blog's resident Colts fan, I'm taking it upon myself to assure you that losing a game isn't the end of the world for this team. 16-0 wasn't the stated goal for this time at any point during the season. Winning the Super Bowl always has been and will be the stated goal for this team. However, I can't help but think that losing to the Jets simply because coach Jim Caldwell pulled his starters to rest them is a bad sign. Had New York simply beat us at full speed with all hands on deck, that would have been one thing. But losing because you're taking your foot off the gas pedal in Week 16 is something else entirely.

A couple weeks back, I argued that the Colts should play all of their starters for the remainder of the year, regardless of the results. By giving them so much time off (their first playoff game won't be until January 16th/17th), the starters are in danger of losing their rhythm and forgetting the things that got them to 14-0 in the first place. You simply cannot take this much time off and expect to be as sharp when the playoffs roll around as you were the first three months of the season.

How do I know this? BECAUSE IT'S HAPPENED THREE TIMES ALREADY TO THE COLTS ALONE!!!

2005, 2007, and 2008. In those seasons, the Colts won at least 12 games, secured their playoff position by late in the season and chose to rest their starters in the last game in order to "rest them" for the playoff run. For the record, the supposed "playoff run" last exactly one game in each of those seasons. In 2006, the one year we actually had to scrap and claw our way to a decent playoff seed, we never benched our starters and ended up...wait, what was the result that year...oh yeah, I remember...WINNING THE SUPER BOWL!!!

Sorry to go all caps twice on you, but I'm just a little frazzled right now. This bout of deja vu is resembling '05, '07, and '08; not '06. I'm not happy about this.

A redeeming quality from the Jets game is that all of the players looked pissed. Not necessarily at Jim Caldwell or his decision, but just pissed that they were losing. If we can somehow channel that motivation into playing hard against Buffalo (you know, until they get benched again) and taking some intensity into the bye week prior to our playoff game, we may be able to salvage this situation after all. Sharpness is key in the playoffs because every team is good and the slightest of mistakes can turn into game-changers. If the intensity is lacking due to the benchings, sharpness will be as well, and that's bad news.

I love my Colts, and I'm not quibbling about a 14-1 record. What I am quibbling about is a troubling trend that seems to be rearing its ugly head yet again. Is it January yet?

~~ Lank

Billy Donovan, Er, Urban Meyer Was Just Kidding

2009-12-28T23:22:00.001-05:00

Seriously, is there something in the water down in Gainesville? Two high-profile coaches, two successful coaches, two relatively young coaches, two “never mind, I take it back” decisions.

And they just so happen to both be coaches at the University of Florida.

When men’s basketball coach Billy Donovan decided to go to the Orlando Magic, I was, admittedly, a little surprised. He seemed to have everything going for him at Florida and his program had just racked up two national titles in a row. His decision to return to Florida about 17 minutes later was a bit more surprising because I hadn’t really heard of such an about-face in the coaching profession. I agreed with it and thought it was the correct thing to do, but the circumstances were just odd.

In recent years, coaches like Dana Altman at Creighton and Gregg Marshall at Winthrop spurned gigs at Arkansas and College of Charleston, respectively, to stay where they were (Marshall has since moved to Wichita State). So I guess it’s not all too uncommon, but it certainly doesn’t make it any more sensible. I realize the “leaving was harder than I thought” angle is certainly in play with decisions like these, but didn’t they think about that prior to taking the other job?

But I digress. Back to Pope Urban.

Meyer’s situation is a bit more confusing than all of the aforementioned situations (and even Bill Belichick’s decision to resign from the New York Jets after a few days in order to take the Patriots job) because it’s health-related. No one can deny that he has a few issues to deal with; he has a cyst on his brain and a heart muscle defect. After the details of his apparent resignation surfaced, the decision made sense to me, and I actually admired (admeyered?) Urban’s call. The wherewithal to make such a choice in the midst of such a successful run really took some courage. It’s easier to walk away from an uncertain situation than a prosperous one, but Meyer was doing the opposite.

For a few hours, at least.

Now that he’s back at Florida (and make no mistake, by saying he hopes to be on the sideline for the 2010 opener, he’s essentially saying that he’ll be there without a doubt), I’m concerned for him. His health problems aren’t going to get better, his family is still going to miss him immensely, and the high-stress atmosphere of coaching in the SEC won’t get any easier. What happens to Meyer now if winning all sorts of titles with one of the best runs in college football history made him feel terrible? I’m scared that one day we’ll be looking back on this decision as the one that ultimately backfired on Meyer. Instead of riding off into the sunset with a handful of accomplishments and all of his health, he’ll instead be given a much less happy ending.

Ironic, right? Especially since everyone thought LEAVING Florida was the wrong move.

~~ Lank

What's Next For Florida?

2009-12-26T19:26:00.003-05:00

Here I was, sleeping through the Meineke Car Care Bowl when all of a sudden Big Brother said, "Lank, GET UP!" I was worried either somebody was breaking into his apartment, a relative had died, or something else serious happened. It turns out that something serious did happen.

Urban Meyer resigned as head coach of the Florida Gators.

Sure, to most normal families, this wouldn't qualify as "something serious". However, my family isn't quite normal when it comes to our passion for sport. I immediately picked up the computer and began looking for answers. Why? What spurred this? When did he decide? But no one had any answers. Outside of the TV report on ESPN, there were no further details.

Now that the smoke has somewhat settled, a few more things are becoming clear (heck, that article will probably be updated between the time I post it and the time you read it). Meyer has had health problems and they are interfering with his coaching ability. The high-stress occupation of coaching triggers headaches for Meyer, as documented in a story in Sports Illustrated before the SEC Championship Game earlier this month. A cyst on his brain has made him keel over in pain when his stress levels get too high, causing him to feel as if a knife is being stuck into his head repeatedly.

As you can probably imagine, that doesn't sound very fun.

The reward of coaching players and winning titles just isn't worth the pain and effort anymore, so Meyer is hanging up his whistle...for the time being. It should be noted that none of the (early) information mentions this being permanent, so maybe Meyer is looking for a few years of tranquility to get his health problems under control before putting on the headset again. Regardless, we all hope for the best for Urban Meyer and his family. Health problems are nothing to mess around with, so hopefully he can get things back to normal and will no longer have to deal with his aches and pains.

Not to be overly callous, but another question that must be answered is, Now who will take over as Florida head coach? Because I get paid the big bucks at STML, I'll attempt to answer that question for you. Here are my five best guesses, in order, in terms of feasibility. Obviously, Bill Cowher would be a great move for the Gators, but I just don't see him coaching college football...ever. Keep in mind that these guesses are coming a half hour after the story first broke, so if I turn out to be wrong, I'll use that as my excuse. But if I turn out to be right...well, you'll never hear the end of it. Ok, let's get started.

1.) Dan Mullen, Mississippi State head coach - I know that Mullen has only been with the Bulldogs for a season, and hasn't really proven himself as a head coach yet. However, he was Meyer's offensive coordinator at Florida from 2005-2008 and proved to be a quite capable assistant. After to moving to Starkville this season, he took the Bulldogs to a better-than-expected 5-7 record, and gave them a spark on offense that wasn't seen under former coach Sylvester Croom. He knows what it takes to win at Florida and, from all accounts, had a great relationship with his players. If Florida wants to make the best of this unfortunate situation, hiring Mullen is the way to go. Will he leave MSU after only one season? Eh, I'm not sure. Nobody likes to look like a snake, but getting a job like Florida's is the reason that you take a job like Mississippi State's. I'm just sayin', it'd be a hard opportunity to pass up.

2.) Bob Stoops, Oklahoma head coach - It seems like Stoops' name gets thrown around for every big opening, but there's a reason for that. He's done great work in his days in Norman, but you get the feeling that he and the Sooner faithful are growing tired of one another. He's been there since 1999 and sometimes a change of scenery is the best thing for someone. Having been the defensive coordinator at Florida under Steve Spurrier, Stoops is aware of the pressures of coaching at Florida (similar to the pressures at Oklahoma, obviously) and would not be daunted by the task. If the pitch and price are right, I could see Stoops making the move to the Sunshine State.

3.) Mike Shanahan, former NFL head coach - I'm obligated to throw out Shanahan's name simply because he has ties to Florida athletics director Jeremy Foley. Shanahan was mentioned during the 2001 offseason when Steve Spurrier resigned as the Gators' head coach and the search was on for a replacement. At that time, it just didn't make sense because Shanahan was firmly ensconced at Denver and had his eye on another Super Bowl ring. Now? Shanahan is unemployed and looking for the right opportunity to get back into coaching. He's been bandied about with regards to the Washington Redskins and Dallas Cowboys, among others, but I'm not sure if those situations would be right for him (read: meddling owners). At Florida, he would be THE MAN, and could do whatever he wanted with the program. That may be a more attractive option to Shanahan than having a power struggle with an NFL owner.

4.) Jon Gruden, former NFL head coach - Currently an analyst for ESPN's Monday Night Football, Gruden seems to be relaxed in the booth calling the action on the field, but you can tell he misses the action on the field as a coach, too. An x's and o's master, Gruden would be a solid fit in college due to his personality and offensive schemes. However, he's always struck me as a pro coach, so that, combined with his contract renewal at ESPN, make him a longshot. Sure, the contract was signed while Florida still had a head coach (Gruden lives in Tampa), but I don't know if the allure of coaching the Gators will be enough to pull him out of the booth right now.

5.) Charlie Strong, Louisville head coach - The least likely of the five names mentioned here, Strong was Meyer's defensive coordinator at Florida. However, he recently took the head coaching job at Louisville, so it's unlikely that he'd do an about-face after taking over as the Cardinals' head man. Sure, the Florida job is a much better job than the Louisville job, but the PR nightmare that would ensue for both Strong and Florida (for taking someone else's newly-minted coach) might be too much of a risk. I do think that Strong will be a good head coach someday, but you can't take that risk on a guy who has never been a head coach before.

Obviously, these names are all guesses as no information about a successor has been made public. I'm sure AD Jeremy Foley is already working the phones and getting a list in order, but for the time being, your guesses are as good as mine. If Florida follows a logical decision-making process, and I think they will, then these five guys are about the best they can hope for. My opinion? Get Mullen, apologize to Mississippi State, send them a few tickets to Disney World and the Final Four, keep the rest of the staff intact, and get ready for a few more SEC titles.

~~ Lank

Philosophical Question of the Day

2009-12-22T23:48:00.003-05:00

"If you took an American animal to Australia, would it shed at the wrong time of the year?"

This is the type of question that keeps us up at night here at Skip To My Lank. We need answers.

~~ Skip and Lank

Life Coach Eddie

2009-12-22T22:52:00.001-05:00

On our lunch break the other day, ‘Moo and I decided to hit up the local shopping mall to fetch his lovely bride a Christmas present. Because he’s a grown man, ‘Moo had a plan, so we knew exactly which stores we were going to hit, and would be out of there in plenty of time to get back to work before our breaks were over. Things didn’t quite go as planned due to a couple of stores not having what he wanted, but this turned out to be a blessing in disguise because of one reason:

Eddie.

Eddie works at Lady Foot Locker as a sales associate (calling him simply “a cashier” is an insult to Eddie and all of the people like him who put in a lot of hard hours at the workplace). After trying, in vain, to find the right pair of shoes for ‘Moo’s boo (which might be the coolest title of all time. How would you like to be referred to as ‘’Moo’s boo’ by those closest to you? My thoughts exactly) at other stores, we found a Lady Foot Locker and walked in, heads held high. Grown men shouldn’t be scared to go in Lady Foot Locker when they’re on a business trip – and that’s exactly what it was for us. No games, no fun, no frills; just business.

“Wassup? How y’all doin’?” That was Eddie’s greeting, which made me like him that much more already. ‘Moo responded to Eddie’s inquiry and then told him the particular shoe style for which he was looking. “Oh, we definitely have that; it’s right here, here, here, and here. Those four spots.” I’m tellin’ you, Eddie was on his game. Just the type of performance I’d expect from a highly-respected sales associate at a fine retailer.

After making his selection (with a little help from me; I said “Dang, ‘Moo, those purple ones are legit.” Not that he asked for my input or anything, but I couldn’t help it. The purple shoes were, well, legit), ‘Moo headed towards the register. Sensing us coming, Eddie, without looking up, said, “yo, if you wanna buy that matching jogging suit, I’ll throw that in for fit-ty (50 dollars, for those of you who aren’t fluent in slang or my fruitless attempts at conveying slang via a keyboard).” The jogging suit was hideous, so ‘Moo wisely passed on Eddie’s offer. But the skill and personality with which Eddie delivered his pitch definitely had me considering the deal.

Luckily, ‘Moo was the one buying the gift for ‘Moo’s boo and not me. And the recession continues.

I’m sure you’re wondering, at this point, where the “life coach” role comes into play. Well, I’m glad you’re wondering, because we’ve now come to that point in the story. As we’re checking out, ‘Moo mentions that he might get his boo one more thing for Christmas, but doesn’t want to spend too much because last year she got mad at him for spending too much on her (I respect the fact that ‘Moo took that bullet, though. Can you imagine the vitriol that would’ve spewed from her had he spent too little on her? Yeesh. He definitely erred on the right side). After hearing this, Eddie, seemingly befuddled said, “your wife doesn’t want you to spend too much on her?” ‘Moo confirmed his statement, and Eddie started life-coaching.

“I feel you, dude. My girl ain’t never got mad at me for spending too much on her, but she likes to get on me for other stuff. And I’m 65% Irish (no, really, he said 65%. As in, 13/20 of his lineage is Irish. I don’t really know how he configured that but, again, it’s Eddie, so he’s obviously a reliable source) so I’m a hothead. Whenever she starts coming at me with some talk like that, I just say, ‘girl, you ain’t about to talk to me like that. Nah, I’m a man, you can’t talk to me like no kid.’”

See what I mean by “life coach” now? Dude’s just droppin’ knowledge like it’s heavy.

“And sometimes she tries to make me sleep on the couch, but you know what? I don’t even care. That's what porn's for. That’s what I tell her, too.”

Standing up to your haters; that’s an important life lesson for the children.

“When it comes down to it, the man makes better money, so she knows what it is. I just let her calm down and get her mind right.”

To reiterate, Eddie is a sales associate at Lady Foot Locker. Should I be spelling that “$ales a$$ociate” from now on? Just wondering.

Mind you, this all took place as ‘Moo is checking out. There was really no provocation; Eddie just decided that we needed to be taught some lessons. And I appreciate him for it.

After ‘Moo revealed to Eddie that he was hoping for a PlayStation 3 from his boo (great call, by the way; I’m in love with mine…my PS3, not my boo), Eddie said, “yeah, for real. I told my dad to get me one. Y’all know you can go on eBay and get one for like $50, right?” “Really?” Moo asked. “Yeah, man. ‘Cause it’s like charities and stuff that go on there and try to sell them to make money, so they just take whatever for it. You know, you just gotta bid low and you can get one.”

See? I had no idea that I could lowball a charity in order to get a cheap PlayStation 3. Where was Eddie over a year ago when I purchased mine? Goodness.

The highlight of the whole episode came towards the end of the transaction when Eddie told ‘Moo that if he’d just spend 15 more dollars, he’d get a $25 instant rebate. ‘Moo had no idea how to spend $15 more, so Eddie suggested socks. ‘Moo told him he didn’t want to spend 15 bones on socks, so Eddie simply said, “you know what? Don’t even worry about it; I’ll just take fifteen off anyway. I don't want your girl gettin' mad at you or nothin' like that.” Somehow, a $25-rebate-after-spending-$15-more became just a straight-up-$15-rebate, but whatever. When you’re a man of Eddie’s stature and esteem, you can move mountains like that.

It’s no coincidence that ‘Eddie’ and ‘selfless’ both have two e’s.

‘Moo finished up his transaction and we headed out the store after bidding adieu to our new friend. We concluded that Eddie probably doesn’t get a lot of male customers in Lady Foot Locker, so the sight of one (let alone two) makes him get really excited, causing him to drop a ton of life lessons in the span of five minutes. Honestly, it was one of the top ten performances of anything I’ve ever seen in my life. A tip of the cap, Eddie. Merry Christmas to you and your girl. I hope you get that PS3 after all. Altruism such as yours deserves a reward.

Even if it means lowballing a charity to get it.

~~ Lank

NBA Musings: December 18th

2009-12-22T22:43:00.001-05:00

**(note: I've been meaning to post this for a few days now, but kept forgetting. So keep in mind that all of the information on this post is current as of December 18th.)**

With Christmas on the horizon, that means we’re about one-third of the way through the NBA season. It’s happened quickly, hasn’t it? This means that we’re beginning to know what we’re getting out of every team this year. Sure, there have been some injuries and trades that will affect how a team plays from here on out, but for the most part, we can tell who’s going to be productive this season and who isn’t. With that in mind, I’d like to make a few observations about the season up to this point:

-- The Boston Celtics are on an 11-game winning streak, and have won 12 out of their last 13. How ridiculous is that? Well, not so ridiculous when you consider that only two wins in that stretch have come against a team with a winning record (San Antonio and Miami). That’s not to diminish their accomplishment, because Lord knows that winning all of the games you’re “supposed to win” is part of being an elite team, but I need to see more from Boston before I consider them a threat to take down Orlando in the East. Their only loss in that same stretch of games? Orlando. Just sayin’.

-- OKC’s record since I gave them a shoutout in the last edition of Musings? 1-3. My bad, guys. They are currently 12-12 overall. Certainly not bad, but not good enough to make the playoffs out west, either.

-- Nobody gives Dirk Nowitzki more hate than me, but the guy has been terrific this year. Scoring a 27 ppg clip, Dirk has carried the Mavericks in more game than one, and his clutch scoring this year has been off the charts. Sitting at 19-7 now, Dallas would certainly be, at best, 15-11 with Dirk’s end-of-game heroics. Sometimes it’s buzzer-beating scoring (see: Milwaukee and Charlotte games), other times it’s scoring a lot in the second half to ensure victory for his team (see: San Antonio, Oklahoma City, and Philadelphia games). With so many different parts this season, and different rotations being tried by coach Rick Carlisle, Nowitzki has been the steadying force for the second-best team in the West.

-- Yes, New Jersey is historically bad, but don’t let that keep you from watching their second-year center, Brook Lopez. The former Stanford Cardinal was great last year, averaging 13 and 8 in his rookie season, but he’s taken it to another level this year for the Nets. The big fella is averaging 20 and 10, giving New Jersey someone to build around as their franchise undergoes an extensive rebuilding project (both figuratively and literally, with the new arena being built in Brooklyn). Between him and Devin Harris, New Jersey is a lot closer to contention than it appears on the surface. I don’t suggest they trade their Top 5 draft pick in April to get another scorer, but they are a move or two away from being back among the second-tier of the Eastern Conference.

-- What is wrong with the Washington Wizards? After getting everyone healthy in the offseason, I expected them to easily make the playoffs in the East. Despite having Gilbert Arenas, Antawn Jamison, and Caron Butler healthy for the bulk of the season, they have looked out of sync all year and their record (7-16) proves it. They set an NBA record against Sacramento Wednesday night by losing their 6th straight game by less than 5 points. The optimist would say that splitting those games would have their record at 10-13, which would have them in the thick of the East’s playoff race. The cynic would say that even at 10-13, the Wizards would be disappointing. Flip Saunders is a highly-regarded coach in NBA circles, so look for things to improve; but they improvement needs to happen soon or else it’ll be another spring spent at home for Washington.

-- It was great to see Arco Arena in Sacramento sold out for Wednesday night’s game against the Wizards. Back in their heyday, the Kings were one of the most entertaining teams in the league and featured one of the greatest home court advantages. The fans were passionate, knowledgeable, and raucous: the perfect trifecta for an NBA arena. As the Kings have fallen from grace, so too has their groundswell of support from the locals. With an exciting young team and a better-than-we-all-though record (11-13; 10-3 at home), the Kings have re-energized the city and it showed on Wednesday night. The crowd was electric, and the players seemed to feed off that energy, especially late in the game when the outcome was still in doubt. Keep coming out to Arco, Kings fans; the NBA needs people like you.

-- Ten teams in the Western Conference are averaging at least 101 points. Only four teams in the Eastern Conference can say the same. For some reason, I felt like you needed to know this. (FYI: Phoenix leads the league at 108.5 points per game; New Jersey is last at 89.3.)

-- The Boston Celtics have more road victories this season (12) than the Nets, Bobcats, Kings, Timberwolves, Sixers, Bulls, and Hornets combined (11).

~~ Lank

Because I Love You...

2009-12-18T19:06:00.002-05:00

I had something else to post here tonight, but I forgot to email the Word document in which I wrote it to myself at home. In order to compensate for my brain fart, and because I love my readers, I'm going to provide you with this YouTube gem. Thank me later.

~~ Lank

College Bowl Game Predictions

2009-12-18T18:52:00.004-05:00

New Mexico Bowl: Fresno State over Wyoming

St. Petersburg Bowl: Rutgers over UCF

New Orleans Bowl: Southern Miss over Middle Tennessee

Las Vegas Bowl: Oregon State over BYU

Poinsettia Bowl: California over Utah

Hawaii Bowl: Nevada over SMU

Little Caesars Bowl: Ohio over Marshall

Meineke Car Care Bowl: North Carolina over Pittsburgh

Emerald Bowl: USC over Boston College

Music City Bowl: Clemson over Kentucky

Independence Bowl: Georgia over Texas A&M

EagleBank Bowl: UCLA over Temple

Champs Sports Bowl: Miami over Wisconsin

Humanitarian Bowl: Bowling Green over Idaho

Holiday Bowl: Arizona over Nebraska

Armed Forces Bowl: Houston over Air Force

Sun Bowl: Stanford over Oklahoma

Texas Bowl: Missouri over Navy

Insight Bowl: Minnesota over Iowa State

Chick-Fil-A Bowl: Virginia Tech over Tennessee

Outback Bowl: Auburn over Northwestern

Capital One Bowl: LSU over Penn State

Gator Bowl: Florida State over West Virginia

Rose Bowl: Oregon over Ohio State

Sugar Bowl: Florida over Cincinnati

International Bowl: South Florida over Northern Illinois

Cotton Bowl: Oklahoma State over Ole Miss

Papajohns.com Bowl: South Carolina over Connecticut

Liberty Bowl: Arkansas over East Carolina (sorry, 'Moo)

Alamo Bowl: Texas Tech over Michigan State

Fiesta Bowl: TCU over Boise State

Orange Bowl: Georgia Tech over Iowa

GMAC Bowl: Central Michigan over Troy

BCS National Championship Game: Texas over Alabama

~~ Lank

Why The Colts Should Play to Win

2009-12-17T19:27:00.001-05:00

Heading into tonight’s game against the Jacksonville Jaguars (8:20 pm, NFL Network), the big question is whether or not the Indianapolis Colts will play their starters for the duration of the game. Having already clinched home-field advantage throughout the AFC Playoffs, there are some who think the Colts should “shut it down” for the season to allow all of the bumps and bruises of an NFL season to heal.

I couldn’t disagree more.

Having been an Indianapolis fan for years and years, I can recall the Colts’ playoff results off the top of my head…and most of them aren’t good. The two most excruciating losses I’ve suffered as a Colts fan were the 2005 loss to the Steelers in the playoffs (the game was technically played in 2006, but was part of the 2005 season), and the 2007 loss to the Chargers in the playoffs (same principle; different years). The common denominator between these two? The Colts had gotten out to a big lead in the divisional race and proceeded to take their foot off the pedal in the last few weeks in order to get everyone healthy and rested for the playoffs. Meanwhile, the ’05 Steelers and ’07 Chargers had to scrap and claw their way into better playoff positioning, so they’d been playing all of their starters for the full 17 weeks.

Once those results became a reality (2005 was the worst, by the way; that was probably the best Colts team I’ve ever seen), it was clear that resting our players may not be the best strategy to use going into the playoffs. Especially since we had to keep our foot on the gas in 2006 to make the playoffs…and ended up winning the Super Bowl four weeks later. Coincidence? I don’t think so, but the Indianapolis brass does.

Obviously, Bill Polian and Jim Caldwell are a lot more intelligent than me and know their team much better than I do. However, after seeing high seeds who rest their guys down the stretch lose in the playoffs year after year (’05 Colts, ’07 Colts, ’07 Cowboys, ’08 Titans, etc), and seeing teams that have to play with a sense of urgency all year do well in the playoffs (’05 Steelers, ’06 Colts, ’07 Giants, ’08 Cardinals, etc), there seems to be a trend forming.

This isn’t a plea for them to try and win all 16 games this season; a 16-0 season would be nice, but I’d rather win another Super Bowl than have an undefeated regular season and another disheartening playoff loss. If the undefeated record comes, fine; but if it doesn’t, I don’t really care. I just want another ring.

Another reason for my desire to see the Colts continue to play their starters all year is much more simple: their offense and defense rely on a certain rhythm to make plays, more so than most other teams in the league.

Peyton Manning is the best quarterback I’ve ever seen, but even he is prone to starting slowly when given too much time to rest. Why? The Colts’ offense is one that relies on timing and precision to succeed. Manning must get his reps in order to ensure that the rapport with his backs and receivers, and the offense as a result, is at an optimal level. This is one reason that Manning obsesses over attending every practice, workout, and game, no matter what: he needs reps. All of those 12-yard outs, screen passes, and deep crossing routes are much easier to complete when you know exactly when your receivers are going to break, and the spots to which they’ll break. As 18 goes, so go the Colts; so if he needs the playing time to keep his game sharp, shouldn’t the Colts give it to him?

Defensively, the Colts play with a small, quick lineup that is based on pursuit and gang-tackling. The goal is to have as many blue jerseys in the picture as possible, preventing any significant gains from the opposing offense. The Colts defenders play off one another well, pursuing the ball and knowing where the others will be on any given play. When guys are given large amounts of time off, this chemistry is disrupted, and guys aren’t where they should be as often. Playing time is crucial for defenders to get into a rhythm defensively, learning the tendencies of the offense, and knowing exactly what the coaches expect from them with every play call. Without sufficient playing time, the performances are doomed to suffer, which has a deleterious effect on the unit as a whole.

I’ve been encouraged by the way the Colts have played this year. Save for a few games (St. Louis, Seattle, and Arizona come to mind…why can’t we play the NFC West every year?), there haven’t been a lot of blowouts and easy games. Despite the closer-than-expected results in some games (Miami, San Francisco), the Colts have remained poised and have shown the resilience of a champion. A lot of this comes from the consistent play of both the offense and defense. No matter how bad they may look at times, both units remain steadfast in their execution, confident that things will eventually go their way. And thirteen times this year, they have. That consistency doesn’t come about by happenstance; these guys have worked hard to perfect their craft and find ways to make plays no matter the situation. Keeping guys on the bench for large parts of the rest of the season will disrupt this consistency and could threaten the Colts’ bid for another run at a championship.

Do we want to repeat 2005 and 2007? Or do we want to repeat 2006? I don’t know about you, but I had a great time watching them win the Super Bowl in 2006. Let’s try that again.

~~ Lank

I Think I Fell in Love Again

2009-12-17T19:22:00.003-05:00

Listen, I’m a simple man. All I want to do these days is drive The Civic, play video games, produce content for Skip To My Lank, watch the Colts/‘Noles/Blues/Spurs play, laugh at jokes that I should be too mature to laugh at but I’m not, watch movies on Blu-ray (I recently bought “The Hangover”), play hide-and-seek with my one-year-old neighbor, text as many people as possible in the course of a day, have important-only-to-us arguments with Skip (i.e. is Fat Joe a hip-hop hall-of-famer?), and pity my roommates, both of whom are in long-term relationships.

But then I had to go and fall in love. Again. Crap.

I don’t have the time or money to be in a relationship. Look at all of those super-important activities I listed above. How am I supposed to do all of that with a new boo? I’m getting ready to lose my job, how am I supposed to afford date nights and birthday presents? I know what you’re asking yourself: “ok, Lank; why are you contemplating being in a relationship then?”

Good question. And here’s my answer: Anna Kendrick.

My, oh my, oh my, what a beauty. As I saw the trailer for “Up in the Air” (which looks tremendous, by the way), I became enamored with George Clooney’s young co-star. I couldn’t quite recall her name when I saw her, but I knew I’d seen her before and that I wholeheartedly approved of her appearance. After doing a little research, I saw that Anna Kendrick was her name; and that I’d seen her in “Twilight” and “New Moon” (don’t judge). Needless to say, I’ve been smitten ever since and, despite my best efforts to remain single, would marry her tomorrow if she asked me to.

I hope Baseball Mom approves.

~~ Lank

Lank and The Civic

2009-12-16T23:22:00.007-05:00

Man, it's hard out here for a pimp.

A few weeks ago, I was just trying to drive to my adult league soccer game with no incidents, and some girl had to cross three lanes of traffic without looking and crash right into me. Don't worry, this isn't a post about how women can't drive; that's for another day and another time. No, this one is about the hassle that I've gone through just to get my whip fixed.

First, ol' girl thinks she might want to pay out of pocket, so she has me get a couple of estimates on my car (a Dodge Stratus R/T, which I call "Secretariat"). After realizing how much it's going to be, she goes ahead and files a claim with her insurance company, who then gets in touch with me about the ordeal.

Dealing with the insurance agent was an absolute nightmare. Over the course of the past three or four weeks, I'd guess that I tried calling her 10 times for various information exchanges and the like. Not a single time did I get her. Every single time, I had to leave a message and wait for her to call me back. The funny thing is that her voicemail says that my call is very important to her, and that she will call me back within three hours of getting my message. Apparently, baby girl runs on a different time system than I do, because I've waited a day or two for her to call me back at times. And at the beginning of each voicemail, she mentions the day's date, so it's not like she was on vacation or anything.

Despite all of that, I was able to drop off my car yesterday at the repair shop and have a rental set up for me. Over the phone, the rental agent told me that I was set up for a "compact car", most likely a "Chevy Cobalt or a Ford Focus". I told her that I was 6'4", so that may not be the best option for me. She said that I could probably get upgraded to an "intermediate-sized" car if I just got back in touch with the insurance agent and had her change the request.

I couldn't have declined her proposition any faster. "Uhh, nevermind. The compact car sounds great," I said.

When the rental agent showed up, I thought somebody was playing a joke on me. Why? Because dude rolled up in a Toyota Prius. Seriously, that happened. Those of you who know how I get down know that Lank and hybrids aren't exactly bacon and eggs. I have no desire to plug my car into my bedroom power outlet anytime soon, so I'm not wild about hybrids. Don't get me wrong, I loved driving my Power Wheels jeep; but then I turned 8, so gas became my fuel of choice for my vehicles. I know, I know; I'm the reason that the planet has a fever and we're all going to hell in 2012. I've accepted it. But I voted for Obama, so the hippies still love me.

While riding in the Prius back to the rental place, Mr. Agent Man relieved me when he said, "you won't be driving this car, but we have something ready for you back at the building." Wonderful.

After filling out the requisite paper work and swearing that I wasn't going to rob a bank out of state (but I made no such promises about robbing a bank in state), Mr. Agent Man informed me that I'd be driving a Honda Civic. The Prius Scare of 2009 made this seem like good news, but once I settled down and went out to the car, I was skeptical.

First, The Civic (capitalized because I literally call it "The Civic" whenever I refer to it) is pretty small. Yes, it's a four-door, but there just isn't a whole lot of room in there. Second, it's burgundy. If I'd gotten a black, red, or silver one, I could've made it work. But when you have a small, efficient, four-door compact car that's burgundy, people automatically think you're a soccer mom. Fact. I'm sure every single person that has driven up behind me assumes that I'm a soccer mom until they swerve around me and realize that I'm not. If I weren't such a confident individual, I'd be concerned about this (you know, I'd write a post on my blog about it or something).

Once I started driving it, I realized two things: it has a terrible sound system, and it has no horsepower. When I'm choosing a ride, these are probably items #1 and #2 on my list. I'd almost rather have a legit sound system than four wheels. It's true. I had to switch from one of my new rap CDs ("'Til the Casket Drops" by Clipse) to an R&B CD just to minimize the glaring differences between the sound system in Secretariat and the sound system in The Civic. The horsepower issue reveals itself...oh, I don't know...every single time I hit the pedal. To make things worse, the display has a digital speedometer, so I can actually see how slowly the thing accelerates.

All is not lost however; I've found something redeemable about The Civic: it makes for a good story. When people hear about my lanky behind driving a burgundy Civic, they start laughing before I even get to the subpar sound system and snail-like acceleration. Honestly, The Civic is like a folk hero in my social circle and everyone wants a ride. 'Moo needed to get some grub during his lunch break at work today, so I offered to Hoke Colburn him in The Civic. Needless to say, he jumped at the opportunity and we proceeded to test the performance of the automobile while running various errands. The Civic held up pretty well to our thorough examination, garnering it even more praise and getting it closer to legendary status.

I have no idea how this story will end. I have The Civic for a few more days, so hopefully greatness will ensue before I get Secretariat back. I might even ask a girl out on a date, specifically to drive her around in such a fine automobile. Will I get a second date? Absolutely not, but you're lying if you think that she won't have a good time on a date with a man driving The Civic.

The Civic plays.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #1

2009-12-16T23:07:00.002-05:00

As my boy 'Moo and I were sitting through our training class, he turned me on to a website called LogoShak that has a remarkably extensive collection of logos from sports teams and events. Since I needed something new for the blog (and because November has 30 days), I decided to list the 30 worst sports logos of all time. I designated 'Moo as creative director of the project since he a.) found the site before I did, b.) has a good eye for a bad logo, and c.) agreed to go through half of the logos on the site so that I didn't have to spend even more time than I already do with unproductive exercises. I will be listing one per day for the next 30 days. There was no strict criteria; it just had to look ugly. Sometimes the logos were too busy, some of them had terrible color schemes, and some were just way too plain. Regardless, we tried to put together list of the all-time worst for your enjoyment (or displeasure, whichever). Let's keep this train rolling...

#1 - Savannah State Tigers

And there it is!!! The worst logo in the history of sports. Savannah State University, take a bow! Honestly, it wasn't that close. Once 'Moo and I realized that this was a real logo and not a fake version created by a computer vandal from a rival school, we knew it was #1. Honestly, why do you have a logo that looks as if it were graffiti'd by someone who trespassed onto campus in the middle of the night? Smarter people than me run this university, and they have to know that that's not a good thing. Right? I mean, am I just being silly here? If I am, feel free to let me know. Whenever a new logo is designed, I'm sure fans from that team say, "well, I guess it's ok; at least it doesn't look vandalized like the logo for Savannah State." Wait, what? They don't say this? Well, they should. And that, my friends, is why the Savannah State Tigers officially have the worst logo in the history of sports. Man, that's terrible.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #2

2009-12-16T22:56:00.004-05:00

#2 - Pittsburgh Xplosion

Prior to actually sitting down and spending a whole 34 seconds on this list, 'Moo and I were convinced that this logo would "win" the top spot on the countdown. Unfortunately for all 17 Pittsburgh Xplosion fans, it came up just short. Take a look at this logo for a minute. Is there anything redeemable about it? Anything? Bueller? Bueller? First of all, it's got a red background. Then, there is a silhouette of the beautiful Pittsburgh skyline, one of the most non-descript skylines in America. To top it all off, there are a few random fireworks "xplosions" overhead, which I guess is supposed to represent the team nickname. Quite honestly, if someone had told me that a second-grade student had designed this logo in 1974 on a first-generation Apple computer, I probably would have believed it. And I don't consider myself to be a very gullible person. Not the most ringing of endorsements for the Xplosion's marketing team, but hey, they played in the CBA, so it's not like anybody noticed anyway. See? I'm an optimist. I can find the positives in anything; even godawful logos. Fun fact about this logo: 'Moo had it as the background on his computer for about two weeks. That got some interesting looks and comments for our logo-savvy department mates.

~~ Lank

Sale Defends Billy Corgan

2009-12-16T22:41:00.003-05:00

Apparently, my earlier post about Jessica Simpson inexplicably dating Billy Corgan didn't go over too well with one of Skip To My Lank's faithful readers.

Sale, a good friend of Skip and myself, had a few choice words waiting for me in my inbox when I got to work. Here's what he had to say:

"In response to a post earlier about Jessica Simpson’s dating habits, I must say I am a little displeased. Not because I give a care about what she is doing with her life, but by how little respect was paid to Billy Corgan. Based on the glowing reviews given to her and the author’s stated desire to have her as his own romantic interest, Billy should be praised for pulling down someone so much his junior and so attractive. If you knew a 40-something that hauled in a nice looking 20-something, high fives and man-on-man ass slaps would be in order. And that’s even though you don’t know someone like Billy, which is the crux of my displeasure. Here is a man who shaped me and countless other young people in the 90s with the outstanding music produced by the Smashing Pumpkins. I celebrate roughly their entire catalog and still give it heavy rotation to this day. Bullet with Butterfly Wings is one of the top 5 songs from the heyday of the alternative rock period (don’t get me started on rock music these days). Tonight Tonight, 1979, Geek USA, Cherub Rock, Today…the list goes on. Go ahead and try to say you don’t like the Pumpkins; you’re just fooling yourself. To belittle Jessica Simpson for finding such a catch is wrong and irresponsible. Instead, congratulations Jessica on landing such a hero."

Well, ok then. I still think that Jessica is simply desperate and underachieving and Billy Corgan just happened to be the beneficiary. I'm not convinced that he had to run any game to get her on his arm. Hopefully, Sale and I can just agree to disagree and he'll grant me immunity from one of his patented pummelings.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #3

2009-12-14T23:59:00.001-05:00

#3 - Indianapolis Ice

Sorry to keep inundating you with minor league hockey logos, but I'm true to my vision; so instead of trying to balance the bad logos between sports, I just pick the worst ones and let the demographics fall where they may. You know, I'm like the opposite of a "Real World" cast. Everybody knows I love Indianapolis. It's literally my favorite city in the world. I'm pretty sure I've even been to an Ice game or two. But there's no defending this logo. I could probably spend another 15 sentences telling you everything that I DON'T like about it, but because I love you and respect your limited free time, I'm going to tell you the one thing that I actually LIKE about it (surprising, I know): the image of the Hoosier Dome in the background. Yep, that's it. Indy doesn't exactly have the world's best skyline, so why they chose to include it in the logo I'm not entirely sure; but at least they decided to stay true to form and show off that beauty of a dome. I'm old school, so I still call it the Hoosier Dome, but no matter what you called it, I think we can all agree that it is truly missed. R.I.P. Hoosier Dome; stay classy. Oh, and for the record, in all the time I've spent in Naptown, I've never, ever seen a cocaine-addicted, hockey stick-wielding polar bear roaming around. Just wanted to clear that up. Tell the Indianapolis Chamber of Commerce to send me a check later.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #4

2009-12-14T23:57:00.003-05:00

#4 - Mississauga IceDogs

I like (and by 'like', I really mean 'hate' since this is a countdown of bad logos) a number of things about this logo. First of all, it's from a minor league hockey team, which usually means a lot of fun. Secondly, it's from Canada, and who doesn't like America's hat? The fact that they're so proud of their location that they decided to throw a maple leaf on the logo gets a lot of points here at Skip To My Lank. Can you imagine if more American teams did this? That'd be legit. Anyway, let's get to my favorite part of the logo: Optimus Prime's dog. This is the second time we've featured a team called the IceDogs (although the first one spaced out the nickname into two words), so maybe teams should stray from using it again (get it? Stray? Dog?). There just doesn't seem to be a way to make an "ice dog" (whatever that is) cool. This one in particular looks like the Bionic Man's canine equivalent. Which might make a decent Syfy show, but not necessarily a great sports logo. It doesn't even really look like a dog; it looks like a mask Maximus would wear as he's chopping up Romans. Except that Maximus would make it look a lot more badass. The huge M in the background is a nice touch, save for the fact that you don't really see the middle segments of the M connect. For all we know, it's just a couple of random beams jutting into the Bionic Dog's head. Would that really surprise you with this logo? Yeah, me neither.

~~ Lank

Lank's Take on the Heisman Vote

2009-12-14T23:30:00.006-05:00

As many of you know, Alabama RB Mark Ingram won the Heisman Trophy on Saturday night in the closest vote in award history. This irked me for a number of reasons. I'm going to organize them for you to make my opinion look more professional because, you know, it makes me more believable. Right?

1.) Toby Gerhart had a better season - Let's just get to the main reason the decision irritated me. If you're going to go with a running back, why not go with the guy who led the nation in rushing and rushing touchdowns? It's not like Gerhart was playing in some chump conference; he played in the freakin' Pac-10. Gerhart's lowest yardage output of the year was 82 yards (on only 17 carries), and he reached 100 yards in every game except for two. The consistency was there, the production was there, the big games were there (223 yards, 3 TD vs. Oregon; 178 yards, 3 TD vs. USC; 136 yards, 4 TD vs. Cal), and the workhorse factor was there. Gerhart was clearly the best player on his team, was THE reason for their resurgence. Yes, Andrew Luck played well as a freshman QB and coach Jim Harbaugh has done wonders in Palo Alto, but everything started and ended with Gerhart. There were only THREE games this year in which Gerhart didn't have at least 2 touchdowns. That's just ridiculous.

2.) Mark Ingram wasn't the best player on his team - Despite rushing for nearly 200 yards less than Gerhart and scoring 11 fewer touchdowns (in 13 games to Gerhart's 12, no less), there's something else working against Ingram here: he wasn't the best Alabama player this year. Hook them up to a lie detector test, and 'Bama coaches and players will tell you that DT Terrence Cody and LB Rolando McClain were better for them this season than Ingram; and they'd probably make an argument for WR Julio Jones. I know, I know, those guys, due to their positions and class, wouldn't have won in a million years. But when you can honestly say that a guy wasn't the best player on his team, he should have no business winning the most prestigious award in the sport.

3.) Trent Richardson did much of the same things as Ingram when given the chance - The freshman sensation certainly didn't disappoint this year, rushing for over 600 yards and 6 touchdowns this year. When Ingram came out, there was absolutely no drop-off in the rushing attack because of Richardson's brilliance. This isn't a knock on Ingram, so much as it's a testament to Richardson and the offensive line at Alabama; basically, if given the chance, Richardson would have put up Ingram's numbers this year. Gerhart was the only person on that Stanford team (and probably in that conference) that could've done what the did for the Cardinal this year.

4.) People said that losing 4 games this year hurt Gerhart's chances - Really? That's your justification? A guy's team loses a few games despite his tremendous performances and you dock him because of that? Sorry, I was actually watching the games, so I knew it wasn't Gerhart's fault that Stanford was losing. Those who simply look at results and not individual performances probably assumed that Gerhart had a bad game every time Stanford lost. Here are Gerhart's numbers in those four losses: 17 rush, 82 yards, 0 TD; 20 rush, 96 yards, 2 TD; 28 rush, 123 yards, 2 TD; 20 rush, 136 yards, 4 TD. Outside of the unimpressive performance against Wake Forest (the 82-yard game), what exactly did Gerhart need to do better?

At the end of the day, the Heisman vote was, once again, reduced to voting for the most recognizable player on the best team. Think Eric Crouch. Or Gino Toretta. Or Jason White. I hate to lump Mark Ingram in with those guys because it sells his season short, but I don't get the feeling that I'm going to be telling my kids about Mark Ingram's historic 2009 season.

Mainly because there was nothing historic about it.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #5

2009-12-11T23:35:00.002-05:00

#5 - Oakland Senors

Umm, hmmm. Where do I go with this one? I know where I want to go with this one, but I also know that I'm probably not allowed to go there. I'm gonna have to think about how to approach this; give me a minute...

...ok, I think I'm good now. First, a little history. This logo was a controversial choice (no, not because GLAAD objected) because it was never actually used for a team that played a game. When Oakland was granted an AFL franchise, they chose this name and logo to represent the team. However, after being the butt of jokes around the community from fans and media alike, the team owners decided to reverse course and name the team the Raiders. Seriously, Al Davis' struggling franchise could've been called the Senors and had this logo, which would've added more embarrassment than drafting JaMarcus Russell first overall possibly could. Now, for the reason(s) the logo makes my list. Well, first of all, this guy looks queer as a three-dollar bill, and I'm fairly confident that when you're a professional football team, that's not the image you're trying to project. Just a guess on my part. Second, he's winking at me. Why is that? Again, I don't see how anyone who played or rooted for the franchise would be comfortable with this guy. What if they had a mascot that resembled the version and he wanted to hold your kids for a photo-op. Would that fly? I say no. I understand that some parents thought it was cool to drop off their children at Neverland, so anything's possible, but if Mr. Senor tried to scoop up your young'n, you'd punch him in the face, admit it. The charges would be worth preventing psychological damage to your child for the rest of his/her life. One of the most underrated bad parts of this logo are the crossing sabres in the background. What the heck is that all about? You put a winking guy with lipstick who has a rose in his mouth as the foreground of your logo, but you somehow think that adding swords behind him will make the logo seem more imposing? I mean, let's be serious right now. When the swords cross behind the guy in the current Raiders logo, it makes sense because, you know, the guy in the foreground has on an eye patch and a football helmet; not lipstick and a rose in his mouth. Oh wait, never mind; forget everything I just said. I just realized that he has a skull and crossbones on his bandana, so that makes up for all of his "eccentric" qualities.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #6

2009-12-11T23:17:00.003-05:00

#6 - Florida Blazers

There is a problem with this logo; a big one. Basically, umm, how do I say this...NOBODY HAS ANY IDEA WHAT IT IS!! I took a poll of 50 people (ok, 2), and not a single one of them knew what this was. There's nothing about it that says "Florida" and nothing about it that makes me think "Blazer". Again, as I've tried to point out throughout this exercise, the point of a logo is to represent your team with style and give your fans something to wear around with pride. This logo? It accomplishes precisely none of that. If I'm just missing the boat here and there's some sort of underlying meaning with the logo, by all means, let me know. But my goodness, this is just garbage. Florida Blazers fans, you deserve better. Not that there are any of you left because the Blazers played in the World Football League (WFL), which lasted about 17 minutes, but still. There's a principle here, and we at Skip To My Lank like to make sure those principles are upheld for fans of all teams, leagues, and franchises. Seriously, though, what is that? I won't be able to sleep tonight; this mystery will continue to perplex me for weeks.

~~ Lank

Kansas, Texas...And Everyone Else

2009-12-11T23:11:00.005-05:00

Surprisingly, I’ve yet to write about anything college basketball-related this year. I got a few requests to do a thorough preview, similar to my college football and NBA work, but the college basketball landscape is just too expansive to cover in such a way. Look, I know I have a lot of free time on my hands, but not THAT much. Regardless, I have been watching, and a few things have jumped out at me this season. What, exactly? I’m glad you asked…

-- I was discussing the topic of “great teams” with Big Brother the other day, and I think only two teams fit the bill this year: Kansas and Texas. Kansas’ depth is downright silly. Sherron Collins and Cole Aldrich are the known commodities (and preseason All-Americans), but the addition of Xavier Henry to an already-stable core of Collins, Aldrich, Markieff Morris, Marcus Morris, Tyshawn Taylor, and Tyrel Reed gives the Jayhawks depth at every position. Elijah Johnson and Thomas Robinson are two more blue-chip recruits, and they have problems getting playing time. By making the Sweet 16 last season with such a young group after the departures of Brandon Rush, Darrell Arthur, Mario Chalmers et al, the Jayhawks were the proverbial favorite to do big things with everyone returning this year. Throw in the NBA-ready Henry, and things went to another level. Kansas has yet to play any top-notch opponents, and their scare against a solid-but-not-great Memphis team was a bit troublesome, but I see no reason why the Jayhawks won’t be in Indianapolis come late March. They have size, skill, athleticism, and depth at every position. On paper, there isn’t a team that can challenge them, except for…

-- …Texas!! That’s right, the same team that’s playing for the football national championship also has one of the top basketball teams in the country as well. I’ve seen Texas play several times this year and I love what Coach Rick Barnes is doing with this squad. Last year, point guard was the big issue for them, and shooter A.J. Abrams was forced to handle the rock a little bit too much when, really, all he wanted to do was shoot jumpers. This year, the Longhorns feature a solid point guard duo of J’Covan Brown and Dogus Balbay. Varez Ward was also seeing some time as a creator until his unfortunate season-ending quadriceps injury a couple weeks ago. This increase in stability has allowed double-double machine Damion James and much-improved big man Dexter Pittman to get better looks at the basket. James is averaging 15.7 points and 9.4 rebounds per game, and Pittman chips in 14.3 points and 5.7 rebounds per outing. Pushing Texas over the top is the freshman duo of Jordan Hamilton and Avery Bradley. These two guys were as highly-touted as it gets and have been impressive already in this young season. Bradley’s playmaking ability from the guard position is quite good, and Hamilton’s versatility on the wing allows Barnes to mix and match his lineups based on the other team’s squad. There is no shortage of talent in Austin, and I truly think Texas could be a very, very dangerous team come March. It’s going to take a great effort at both ends of the floor for someone to beat them; the Longhorns aren’t going to beat themselves like they did so many times last year.

-- Everybody knows that I love Jay Wright. He’s a sharp dresser, has tremendous basketball acumen, and seems like he’d be a lot of fun to hang out with. However, I don’t quite trust Villanova as a team yet. The Wildcats sport a phalanx of talented guards featuring Scottie Reynolds, Corey Fisher, Corey Stokes, Dominic Cheek, and Maalik Wayns. These guys can all create off the bounce and set up one another for open shots and good looks at the basket. The problem for ‘Nova comes on the interior. Antonio Pena, a former high school teammate of Sebastian Telfair in Brooklyn, has been great early on, but there is not much depth behind him to rebound and defend the post. Duke transfer Taylor King is their second-best rebounder this season, but his game is more centered around shooting and perimeter play. With the announcement that stud freshman forward Mouphtaou Yarou (yes, I spelled that without assistance) would likely miss the season after being diagnosed with hepatitis B, the Wildcats are suddenly void of any inside presence should Pena get in foul trouble. Freshmen Maurice Sutton and Isaiah Armwood will probably be relied upon more, but neither has the size to match up with Big East big men right now. This could be a problem for Wright and his boys down the road, but all is well on the Main Line…for now.

-- I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: the Big Ten gets no boost from beating the ACC in the annual ACC/Big Ten Challenge. The ACC has gotten the upper hand time and time again over the past decade, but that hasn’t meant much to the conference overall, seeing as how Duke and North Carolina are the only two teams to make a Final Four since 2003. Meanwhile, the Big Ten has sent Michigan State, Illinois, Ohio State to the national title game in the same timeframe. The ACC and Big Ten normally get the same number of teams into the Dance (37-36 bids in favor of the ACC over the same period), but since most of the ACC teams go out before the first weekend is over, is that really something to brag about? Were it not for Roy Williams’ Tar Heels, the ACC wouldn’t have a whole lot of bragging to do anyway. The last non-UNC team from the ACC to make the Final Four? Duke…in 2004. The matchups aren’t always the best (see: a ranked Duke team playing an unranked Wisconsin team this year while a ranked Ohio State team played an unranked Florida State team) and these things happen so early in the season, that you’re not really sure which teams are good yet. Besides, if they were really serious about it, they’d have each team play TWO games against teams from the other conference like the Big 12 and Pac-10 do in their annual series.

-- Welcome back, Billy D, it’s good to see you. After Florida won back to back NCAA titles, they missed the tournament for the following two seasons. After the failed Nick Calathes experiment, coach Billy Donovan has the Gators back in the rankings. Led by the Erving Walker/Kenny Boynton backcourt, and getting good play from Alex Tyus and Vernon Macklin down low, Florida is vastly improved over last year’s team. The aforementioned Calathes was a very gifted player, but his selfishness and lack of leadership skills didn’t make Florida a very good basketball team. Now that he’s playing professionally in Greece, the Gators look like a much more relaxed and synergetic team; a testament to Donovan’s coaching and ability to mold his teams into a unit. Donovan has had a lot of success in his career and, as a college basketball fan, I’m frothing at the prospect of he and John Calipari going head-to-head twice a year for the next two decades.

-- Speaking of Calipari, I’m not yet sold on Kentucky. I know, I know, everybody’s gonna call me a hater and give me the height, weight, and 40 time of John Wall, but I don’t care. They’re too enigmatic as a team to definitively say whether or not they’re going to be an elite team. As good as they looked in the first 15 minutes against North Carolina, that’s how bad they looked for the next 15. As good as they looked in the first 5 minutes against Connecticut, that’s how bad they looked for the next 20. Until they establish consistency in their play, they’re going to look good enough to beat Kansas at times and, at others, look bad enough to need overtime to beat a mediocre Stanford team. The Wall/Eric Bledsoe backcourt is quick, talented, and prolific, but not exactly dependable. Patrick Patterson is the only guy who plays big minutes that you know is going to bring it every minute he’s on the floor. DeMarcus Cousins is a question mark, Darnell Dodson is a streaky shooter, and Daniel Orton is a foul waiting to happen. Until Big Blue lets me know that they’re serious about competing for 40 minutes every night (sorry to sound like a coach here, but there are reasons that these things become clichés), I will vacillate between putting them in the Final Four and sending them back to Lexington before the Sweet 16 begins.

-- My favorite teams this year are (in order): Florida State, Indiana State, Indiana, Baylor, Villanova, Charlotte, Seton Hall, and BYU. Florida State, Indiana State, and Indiana have been in that order since I was, roughly, 5 years old. The others are just randomly thrown in for various reasons. Baylor – Scott Drew is my boy. Villanova – I have a man-crush on Jay Wright, and it’s getting kind of serious. Charlotte – I grew up about 5 minutes from the campus and have fond memories of going to Niners games in my formative years. Seton Hall – I’ve always liked head coach Bobby Gonzalez and really want to see him succeed. BYU – It’s legit watching a bunch of white guys play a wide-open style and do so with such success.

~~ Lank

NFL Third Quarter Report Cards

2009-12-11T18:19:00.002-05:00

With Week 13 having come and gone in the NFL season, everyone is officially at the three-quarter pole, having played 12 games this season. The season is coming into focus as we now know the contenders, the pretenders, and the flat-out awful teams. I’ll be handing out grades to each team for their third-quarter performance, not their year-long accomplishments. So expect lower-than-expected grades for the Steelers and Ravens, but higher-than-expected grades for the Jaguars and Titans. Just a hint.

Dallas Cowboys (8-4): An uneven quarter for the Cowboys. They won two games, sure; but did they really inspire any confidence in you? The 7-6 stinkbomb against the Redskins was sleep-inducing, the pantsing at the hands of Green Bay was discouraging, and their inability to slow down a formerly punchless Giants attack was worrisome. In the grand scheme of things, they’re 8-4 and probably headed for the playoffs. But if they lose in the first round (again), does it really matter? Grade: B-

Philadelphia Eagles (8-4): Now that the third quarter is over, we can wipe that nasty loss to the Raiders off the slate before assessing them. I think they had a pretty good four-week stretch. Winning three games, the Eagles won two road games and took care of division foe Washington at home. That’ll play. Now that they’ve nestled themselves in the thick of the playoff race, we can see what they have in store for us to close out the season. They’re traditionally good closers, so don’t expect a drop-off between now and Week 17. Grade: B+

New York Giants (7-5): The Giants have followed their four-game losing streak with a 2-1 record. But I’m still not sold. Denver ate them for Thanksgiving dinner, and the overtime win against Atlanta didn’t exactly impress anyone. However, wins are wins, and their defeat of Dallas keeps them firmly in the playoff, and division, hunt. I just need to see more consistency before I get too excited about these guys. Grade: C+

Washington Redskins (3-9): Is there such a thing as an encouraging 1-3 quarter? If so, the Redskins are the perfect example. After beating Denver, Washington lost to Dallas by one, Philly by three, and New Orleans by three in overtime. An argument could be made that they should’ve won each of those games. Obviously they didn’t, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t impressed by the way this team has performed over the last few weeks. Maybe Coach Jim Zorn hasn’t lost them yet after all. Grade: C+

Minnesota Vikings (10-2): In case you were wondering, the Vikes have exactly two wins over teams with a winning record. Actually, make that “team”, because they’ve beaten Green Bay twice. That’s it. They played the Cardinals in an attempt to add to that list and were thoroughly outplayed. I’m not yet sold on the Vikings because, honestly, they’ve played four games against decent opponents and are 2-2 in those games. We’ll see what Old Man Favre has in store for the last quarter of the season; their fate rests on his arm whether they want to admit it or not. Grade: B

Green Bay Packers (8-4): Last quarter, I chastised the Packers for losing to the Buccaneers and not doing enough to get themselves back in the playoff race. Well, either they read what I wrote and got inspired, or they just played up to their talent level. Either way, THAT is how you go through a quarter. The slate wasn’t the toughest it could have been, but beating Dallas, San Francisco, and Baltimore is nothing to sneeze at either. Aaron Rodgers has been tremendous this season, despite being under constant pressure, and is the main reason that the Pack are still alive in the NFC playoff race. Well, him and Charles Woodson, that is. Dude’s a beast. Grade: A-

Chicago Bears (5-7): Things have gone from bad to worse in Chicago this quarter. The lifeless loss at San Francisco in which Jay Cutler threw 31 interceptions was just the beginning. Philadelphia and Minnesota kept the losing streak going, and only a date with the St. Louis Rams could heal the pain. And even that game was entirely too close. This team is a train wreck right now and I don’t see any way it gets better with Green Bay, Baltimore, and Minnesota coming up next. Grade: F

Detroit Lions (2-10): I’m going to (essentially, but with some updates) repeat what I said last time, because I still feel the same way: “Uhhh, well, hmmm. I don’t expect much from the Lions, but they aren’t exactly meeting my expectations. They beat the Brownies, which was great; but then they turn around and look terrible against Green Bay and Cincinnati. I know, I know, Matthew Stafford was hurt, but he wasn’t all that good in his Thanksgiving date with the Packers (4 INTs). Detroit, I love you, but we need some time apart right now.” Grade: D

New Orleans Saints (12-0): These guys sure do love to play with fire. Will they get burned? I think so, eventually, but for the time being, they’ve been great. The near-brushes with St. Louis and Washington aren’t exactly comforting, but wins are wins at this point. 12-0 is 12-0 and the New England thrashing was particularly memorable, despite the Patriots’ struggles this season. The thing about this team is that they’re never out of a game. I watched them look terrible all day against the ‘Skins and then turn it on at the end to score the requisite points to win. That quick-strike offense just can’t be counted out. Ever. Grade: A-

Atlanta Falcons (6-6): A 1-3 quarter, with the only win being a last-second job against Tampa Bay? I know Matt Ryan is hurt, but come on guys. The reality of the situation is that this is a banged-up team that wasn’t particularly good to begin with. They’ll continue to struggle until they get their pieces back…if they ever do. 8-8 sounds about right for this squad. Maybe 9-7 if they get a couple breaks along the way. Grade: C-

Carolina Panthers (5-7): To recap the Cats’ roller coaster of a quarter, I asked their number one fan, Skip, for his thoughts: “We were given an opportunity to save our season with 3 out of 4 at home against beatable teams. Lotta pride against ATL, but a miserable game plan against the Fish shot the season after failing to get to .500 for the 4th time this year. The Jets were a hangover disaster and Jake’s swan song, leading us into the uncharted waters of the Matt Moore era.” That, my friends, is why I go to him for these things. Grade: D

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-11): A couple of close losses this quarter for the Bucs. Not that it’s any consolation for a fan base that realizes its coach is in completely over his head, but there have been some recent improvements. Josh Freeman is erratic, but does show some promise in the pocket. He’s definitely a guy to build the offense around in the future. He’s about the only one, though. There just isn’t much talent in Tampa right now and it has shown in the past four weeks. Grade: C-

Arizona Cardinals (8-4): The Cards liked only losing one game last quarter so much that they decided to repeat the feat this quarter. Going 3-1 with wins against Seattle, St. Louis, and Minnesota, Arizona didn’t exactly take down murderers’ row, but they won the games they were supposed to. If every other team in the league could do such a thing, we wouldn’t be subjected to so many average teams with 5-7, 6-6, and 7-5 records. Parity? Yeah right, try ‘mediocrity’. Sorry, I had to get that off my chest real quick. I feel better now. Grade: A-

San Francisco 49ers (5-7): I read something the other day that said something to the effect of, “once San Francisco got away from its dull, predictable running game plans and put the ball in Alex Smith’s hands, their fortunes have turned.” This is what frustrates me about young players (especially quarterbacks). They’re expected to perform at a high level right off the getty, so any time they don’t, they’re not given ample opportunity to showcase their abilities. Everybody knew that Alex Smith was a gifted player and had the work ethic of a well-digger. His only problem was that he was forced to grow up on the job and didn’t have any talent around him. Now that he’s gotten a few years under his belt, he been productive and has made the Niners a lot better than they would’ve been with Shaun Hill at quarterback handing the ball off to Frank Gore 35 times per game. Vernon Davis’ career has been revitalized and Michael Crabtree has been great since he finally signed with the team. All because of Alex Smith getting an honest chance to prove that he could play. Imagine that. Grade: C+

Seattle Seahawks (5-7): Status quo for Seattle. Beat the teams you should (St. Louis and San Francisco) and lose to the teams you should (Arizona and Minnesota). I can’t help but thing the lingering effects of Matt Hasselbeck’s broken ribs are affecting this team’s consistency. If he isn’t hit, they play well; but once he’s tagged a couple times and his ribs begin to act up, they might as well be playing with Seneca Wallace at quarterback. No, that’s not a good thing. They might as well tank the season and get a Top 10 pick at this point. Oklahoma State’s Russell Okung would love to play left tackle for you for the next decade, I bet. Grade: C

St. Louis Rams (1-11): Four more losses this quarter, but none of them was by more than ten points. This group is improving, but there just isn’t enough talent there to compete. A big shout out to Steven Jackson, though. The guy is the only good player on that offense, yet nobody can stop him even though they know he’s getting the ball an inordinate amount of times each game. He’s impressive to watch; he really is. Grade: C

New England Patriots (7-5): Before we get started, I just want to repeat what I said last time: “Everybody has wood now that the Pats are 6-2 and Tom Brady is flinging the football around again. Their three-game win streak (after losing to Denver) has come against Tennessee, Tampa Bay, and Miami. Wow. Yes, I’m skeptical, because their defense still looks a step slow and the offense isn’t as efficient as people are making it out to be. With Indy and New Orleans coming up shortly, we’ll know more about New England soon. For now, I think they’re ok.” Fast forward to now, and we have a 7-5 team that was unable to beat Indianapolis or New Orleans. No shame in that, but when you consider yourself one of the big boys, you have to beat one of the other big boys to get some credibility. Can we just keep it real? This isn’t a very good team right now. Grade: D

New York Jets (6-6): They’ve put the training wheels back on Mark Sanchez, and it appears to have worked. Kind of. Sanchez still makes some silly decisions, but by limiting what he does each game, the mistakes aren’t as killer as they once were. The back-to-back wins against Carolina and Buffalo have given them some momentum, but the playoffs are pretty much out of the question unless they can somehow scrape to 9 wins and hope for a divisional collapse from everyone else. Basically, it’s not happening. Grade: B-

Miami Dolphins (6-6): You almost did it, Miami. You were a choke job against Buffalo away from being undefeated this quarter and in the driver’s seat in the AFC East. Instead, you’ll have to settle for an outside shot at the division title. The win against New England was huge, but it does no good if you guys go out and lay an egg against Jacksonville or Tennessee in the next couple weeks. Chad Henne looks strong, but can he make enough plays to get you over the hump? I guess we’ll see. Grade: B+

Buffalo Bills (4-8): I’ll admit it: I know nothing about this team. I know that Ryan Fitzpatrick is now playing quarterback, Terrell Owens has put together a couple of good games, and they fired Dick Jauron. Otherwise? Not much. They’re never on TV, their highlights on SportsCenter last about 17 seconds, and I don’t get much of a feel for them. They went 1-3 last quarter and are now 4-8 overall. I do know that that isn’t very good. Grade: D

Cincinnati Bengals (9-3): Not that a 3-1 quarter is anything to sneeze at, but when that one loss came against Oakland, it’s a little unsettling, right? Regardless, the Bengals have shown everyone that they’re not an early season fluke and that their defense is among the best in football. Carson Palmer (despite the interceptions) is making enough plays to make the offense dangerous and the return of Cedric Benson from a hip injury means that they have their workhorse back. That being said, I’d love to play these guys in the playoffs. No disrespect, but they don’t have the ability to run away and hide from teams, nor are they built for a huge comeback. Basically, if you get up on them early, you’re going to win. Grade: A-

Pittsburgh Steelers (6-6): Let’s see: an 0-4 quarter, a WR/QB tiff, their best player on defense is likely done for the year, and their coach is now threatening to make roster changes. Well, it appears that the Steelers haven’t really enjoyed the last month, now doesn’t it? I know everybody’s piling onto him for it now, but you have to admit that Coach Mike Tomlin saying that his team would “unleash hell in December” was a pretty legit move. I’d be jacked if Jim Caldwell came out and said that. Mainly because it’d mean that he’s not thinking about benching our best players for the final game when that strategy has yielded absolutely no results in the past 5 years. Wait, how did I get on the Colts? We’ll get to them in a minute... Grade: F

Baltimore Ravens (6-6): After beginning the season 3-0, the Ravens dropped 3 in a row to get to 3-3. Now they’ve alternated wins and losses for the past 6 weeks to bring them to a total record of 6-6. Hey, at least this team’s consistent, right? Of their six losses, only last week’s defeat at the hands of Green Bay was by more than 10 points. They stay in games, they just don’t close very well. And that, my friends, is why they won’t make the playoffs. Grade: D

Cleveland Browns (1-11): Remember what I said earlier about San Francisco and Alex Smith? Well it’s happening in Cleveland as well with Brady Quinn. The kid has shown a ton of potential and is finally relaying some of that into success on the field. The only problem is that his teammates (save for Joe Thomas) aren’t very good, so the win/loss results won’t be there for him. Cleveland is already talking about drafting another quarterback. Really? You have one of the best prospects of the past decade under your nose and you want to start over with another daisy-fresh rookie? There are reasons why Cleveland is Cleveland. I’m still holding out hope that Quinn gets traded to Denver this offseason and flourishes under the tutelage of Josh McDaniels. Stay tuned. Grade: F

Indianapolis Colts (12-0): As I was saying earlier (see: Pittsburgh Steelers), Indianapolis head coach Jim Caldwell has already said that he’s going to rest his players in the final weeks much like his predecessor, Tony Dungy, did during his time in Indy. This doesn’t make sense. We rested our players in 2005, 2007, and 2008 and lost in the first round. We were forced to play all of our guys in 2006 for the duration of the season and went on a four-game winning streak to win the Super Bowl. What about that makes anyone want to bench the starters in this season’s finale against Buffalo? Two weeks off doesn’t make you fresh, it makes you rusty. How do I know? BECAUSE I’VE SEEN THE COLTS IN THE PLAYOFFS FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS. Sorry I went all caps on you, but I’m getting flustered already. As for the last quarter? The Colts went 4-0 with wins over the Patriots, Ravens, Texans, and Titans. Not bad, boys; not bad at all. Grade: A

Houston Texans (5-7): Wow, this went from “eh, not bad” to “holy crap, this sucks” in a few short weeks. They haven’t won since November 1st and are now facing another mediocre season. They’re the Texans, so they’ll probably go 8-8, but it’s just stunning how this team is unable to achieve any sustained success whatsoever. I can’t figure it out; I honestly can’t. Now Steve Slaton is out for the season and George H.W. Bush is threatening to boycott their games until they wear their monochrome red jerseys again. Ok, so only one of those things is actually true. Grade: F

Jacksonville Jaguars (7-5): Interesting fact about the Jags this year: they’ve only played three teams that currently have a .500-or-better record. One of them was the Jets, who they beat this quarter, but they lost the other two. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, yes, Jacksonville is 7-5, but they haven’t beaten a single good team all season. With Miami, New England, and Indianapolis coming up, we’ll know a lot more about the Jaguars’ true identity by the New Year holiday. Personally, I’m not a believer, but I’ll give them a chance to convince me otherwise. I’ll see you Thursday, December 17th, Jaguars. Show me something. Grade: B-

Tennessee Titans (5-7): The comeback win over the Cardinals was miraculous, but the missed opportunities at Indianapolis are probably going to come back to haunt the Titans. At 6-6, they could’ve possibly made the playoffs. At 5-7, they’re dead. Vince Young has been very, very good over the past few weeks, and the future is bright in Nashville with him and the electric Chris Johnson leading the way. They still need a dependable receiver, but there are signs of life from this offense outside of Johnson’s long runs. Grade: B-

Denver Broncos (8-4): I like when the Broncos win; it puts Big Brother in such a better mood. Dude gets grumpy when his teams are losing (who doesn’t?), and grumpy Big Brother isn’t exactly a joy to be around. So, with that in mind, I’d like to personally thank Josh McDaniels and his squad for taking care of business lately. Sure, the losses to San Diego and Washington were maddening, but they’ve responded nicely with convincing wins over the Giants and Chiefs. Denver isn’t who we thought they were at the beginning of the year; nor who we thought they were when they were 6-0. But they’re a pretty good team that could be tricky to face in the playoffs if you have to go on the road to face them. For the record, I still think they should trade for Brady Quinn this offseason. Grade: B-

San Diego Chargers (9-3): Suddenly dangerous, the Chargers have been dumptrucking people this quarter. After thrashing the Broncos and Chiefs, San Diego leads the AFC West and is threatening Cincy for the second seed in the conference. Philip Rivers has been terrific, Antonio Gates is having a great year, and LaDainian Tomlinson even gains yards every now and then. Hosting the Bengals in two weeks, the Chargers can make a statement that they’re a team to be reckoned with in the AFC…if they haven’t done so already. Grade: A

Oakland Raiders (4-8): Now that was a productive quarter for the Silver and Black. Beating the 9-3 Bengals and the defending champion Steelers in Pittsburgh shows what Oakland can do when they get steady quarterback play. Bruce Gradkowski has emerged as a playmaker for the offense and his play may relegate JaMarcus Russell to the bench until he develops a work ethic or a desire to actually play football. Either would be nice, both would be a pipedream. Grade: B+

Kansas City Chiefs (3-9): I know they went 2-2 this quarter, but my goodness the Chiefs are bad. Matt Cassel hasn’t earned any of his $50 million dollar contract this season (but honestly, does that surprise anyone? Anyone?) and the team hasn’t really gotten much better. Jamaal Charles looks good in the backfield and the defense is ok, but there is nothing for this team to hang their hat on right now. At least their mascot, KC Wolf, is awesome. They play Buffalo and Cleveland in the coming weeks. Yuck. Grade: D+

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #7

2009-12-10T23:31:00.002-05:00

#7 - Sacramento Wildfire

This is one of those logos that you either love or you hate. Personally, I hate it. It looks like something that would be the title frame of a Nickelodeon cartoon. Can't you imagine a show called "Wildfire" about some mischievous boy scouts that features this exact logo (minus the 'Sacramento' of course...unless the show was set in Sacramento, then all bets are off)? The font in the logo is supposed to represent a burning wildfire; I get it. Unfortunately, it looks more like a crumbling statue than a wildfire. There are bits and pieces showing at the top, but nothing that makes me feel like the word is on fire. If you want to see how setting a word on fire, visually, is done, give the Calgary Flames logo a look. See how they have, you know, fire attached to the word? I know that's what you were going for, Sacramento people, but you came up waaaaaaaaay short. I think Chester Cheeto would be attracted to this logo, but I'm about 73% sure that's not what the designers were going for. Regardless, I know that I'm not.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #8

2009-12-10T23:22:00.001-05:00

#8 - Mesa Solar Sox

Wow, what do we have here? A remarkably bad logo, that's what. In fairness to the Solar Sox, they're a minor league organization, so have a minor league logo doesn't seem that out of place. But a logo this bad? My goodness. There is no writing to inform everyone which team this logo applies to, nor is there any sort of visual representation pertaining to the team's name. Oh sure, there's a sun, but is anyone looking at this logo and saying, "ohhhh, the Solar Sox, right?" What the heck is a Solar Sox anyway? My head hurts. This is just awful. The sun looks like it's directly out of the 1960s in terms of the sharpness of the image. And why is it on a navy blue background? Is it night time? Oh wait, it can't be because, you know, THE SUN IS OUT. I just can't figure any of this out. Who ok'd this logo, and do they still have a job? I certainly hope not. Yeah, I just took it there. With plenty of talented people out of work these days, I'm hoping that someone without talent doesn't have a job. Goodness.

~~ Lank

Jessica Simpson, Get It Together

2009-12-10T23:12:00.000-05:00

I used to like Jessica Simpson. I really did. She was gorgeous, she seemed fun to be around, and had a terrific smile. Now? I think she's nuts. After going through a number of boyfriends since her divorce from Nick Lachey, ol' girl just seems to keep getting worse and worse when it comes to relationship decisions. The latest bad decision?

Billy Corgan.

Yeah, that's right, the same Billy Corgan who is a.) 42 years old and b.) the former front man for Smashing Pumpkins. What goes through your head when you're an attractive twenty-something and you decide to hook up with Billy freakin' Corgan? It's obvious that some things just aren't clicking between that girl's ears.

If she wants to make some sketchy decisions when it comes to her love life, I have an idea: date a 24-year-old blogger with a passion for sports and no steady career. It'd confuse people less than dating Billy Corgan, and you wouldn't have to deal with the inevitable bad breakup when he realizes that he's done enjoying himself with someone 15 years his junior. Heck, I even clean the house and do dishes! Wait, did I say "I"? Because I meant "he", as in the anonymous hypothetical guy I'm talking about.

So Jessica, get it together. I know things haven't really gone your way lately and you're feeling a little unwanted by legitimate guys. But that's no reason to sink to these depths. You're better than that...I think.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #9

2009-12-09T23:38:00.001-05:00

#9 - Greenville Grrrowl

I really hated typing "Grrrowl". I can't tell you how much I hated that. For that reason alone, I thought about moving this minor league hockey team located in Greenville, South Carolina into the top 3, but decided not to hold that against them. Oh, and for the record, they play in 'Greenville', not 'Grrreenville'. Just wanted to clear that up. In addition to the corny intentional spelling errors that coincide with the team's (horrible) nickname, there is a dog biting an oversized hockey puck...with a menacing expression. Those corny intentional spelling errors are also written in purple, with a font that is meant to make them seem as if they're shaking from the...wait for it...growl. Ahhh, get it? Growl? Shaking words? Yeah, it's pretty lame. It's one of the rules I live by in life: if a logo contains an attempt at effect via font, does so with a questionable color choice, and does so in the shadow of a menacing dog biting an oversized hockey puck, you have to put it in the Top 10 of the worst logos you've seen. You can't tell me that I'm the only one with that life rule. Wait, what? I am? I guess I'm just an innovator.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #10

2009-12-09T23:32:00.003-05:00

#10 - Atlanta Apollos

This is an interesting logo. It comes to us from a franchise that played in the North American Soccer League (NASL), so that might help explain...I don't know, something. This is just a horrendous logo. I don't know what it means, I don't know what it represents, and I don't know what it's supposed to tell me about the squad. Is this some sort of symbol that somehow symbolizes the Greek god Apollo? I have no idea. That's probably the issue I have most with it; even if it does represent something pertinent to the franchise, nobody would know. The whole point of a logo is to put an emblem to your franchise that's easily recognizable and sharp-looking. This fails on both counts. It looks like a Formula One course. And I don't really mean that as a compliment. If you were to show this to 50 random people on the street, would they even know that it's a sports logo? I say no. I think maybe 3 would guess that it's a sports logo, and the rest would either guess that it's a company logo or ancient symbol. Ok, now I'm really over-analyzing this atrocity. I'll put you out of your misery now (or is it my misery? Whatever).

~~ Lank

NBA Musings: December 9th

2009-12-09T23:26:00.002-05:00

Man, has it really been that long since I last mused about the NBA? That's a shame. Regardless, here we go...

-- I feel terrible for Greg Oden right now. After fracturing his left patella (kneecap for laypeople), Portland's former #1 overall draft pick is out for the season...again. He missed all of his first year due to microfracture surgery, missed a number of games last year with a foot problem, and now this. He's a good kid and was improving quite a bit in his 2nd year of playing. It's just a shame that his progress has now been postponed until next year. If ever. (shaking my head)

-- You can't mention Oden without mentioning the electrifying young man who was drafted immediately after him...Kevin Durant. Durant has taken his game to another level this year, consistently dropping 30 points without breaking a sweat. Averaging 28.1 ppg as of this post, the Oklahoma City forward his leading his team to newfound heights. The Zombies have an 11-9 record after 20 games (obviously), which is a 9-game improvement over last year's record at this point (2-18). Coach Scott Brooks has to be commended for commanding one of the youngest team's in the league and pushing all of the right buttons. OKC regularly gets contributions from a number of guys, and is definitely a team to watch as we go deeper into the season.

-- Vinny Del Negro, you might want to polish up that resume' a little bit. I know, I know, he took his Chicago team to the playoffs last year and pushed the Boston Celtics to the brink of elimination. But this year has been entirely different. The Bulls haven't been able to replace the scoring of the departed Ben Gordon despite the return of Luol Deng, and after losing to Atlanta tonight in embarrassing fashion, they've lost 9 of 10. There is still hope for them since they play in the East, but those playoff hopes are fading fast, and in order to change the momentum of the team, the front office may have a tough decision on its hands.

-- How about those Bobcats? After I hated on them for setting basketball back 50 years with their offense, they traded for Stephen Jackson, found a reliable rotation, and have rattled off several wins as of late. Yes, they allowed New Jersey to get their first win of the season against them, but with a 9-11 record, Charlotte is sitting at 7th in the East. The schedule toughens up in the coming weeks, but if the Bobcats can show the poise and defensive effort that they've shown in wins over Denver, Cleveland, and Toronto this season, I wouldn't put anything past them. Are they going to win 45 games? Of course not, but getting to 40 would be a huge step and would probably put them in the playoffs. Who would've seen that coming a couple weeks ago? (Skip put your hand down.)

-- Ever since benching the selfish Nate Robinson, the Knicks have been a mini-run. Sure, it's only 4 wins in 5 games, but considering where they were a few weeks ago, that's considerable progress. Coach Mike D'Antoni is getting productive minutes from Larry Hughes' corpse, David Lee is earning himself a big contract, and Chris Duhon has been steady enough at point guard to keep the Knicks efficient offensively. They're not going to make the playoffs, but I do respect the fact that they're playing hard despite a tumultuous start to the season and wanted to give them some love.

-- I don't discuss MVP candidates this early, but Carmelo Anthony has been outstanding all season long. Through 22 games, he's only missed scoring 20 points once. That's ridiculous. Not to mention he's incredibly fun to watch. Keep it up, 'Melo.

-- You know the injury situation is bad for Portland when coach Nate McMillan, after inserting himself into a practice drill to replace an injured player, ruptured his Achilles tendon. That's not a joke, it really happened. In addition to the aforementioned Oden situation, the Trail Blazers are also missing Nicolas Batum, Rudy Fernandez, and Travis Outlaw. Geez.

-- Brandon Jennings has gotten all the headlines (and rightfully so), but don't be surprised if Sacramento's Tyreke Evans wins the Rookie of the Year award. His stats are very similar to Jennings', and his consistency is greater. Jennings has cooled off since his hot start, which was to be expected, but Evans is still dropping 22/5/5s on a regular basis. If he has those stats at the end of the season, he'll win this year's award. No, I didn't discuss the actual award, I just talked about the performance of a couple players; that's all.

-- Yes, I'm disappointed with the Spurs' start to the season, but I'm far from discouraged. There are a ton of new parts on the team, and I knew it'd take some time for them all to work together. The issue that's frustrated me is the continual blown leads. San Antonio has gotten into a habit of having good first halves or good quarters, but then not holding onto leads by the end of the game. After beating the Kings tonight, they are 10-9...which seems appropriate. Not really mediocre, but certainly not exemplary. I'm confident they'll pick it up by March, but I wish they'd surprise me with some terrific performances before then.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #11

2009-12-08T22:37:00.002-05:00

#11 - St. Francis Terriers

I would try to think of something witty here, but I'm going to defer to 'Moo, who put it best when he emailed me the link to this logo: "#1) it's a terrier. #2) it's wearing a little dog sweater." Done and done.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #12

2009-12-08T22:19:00.003-05:00

#12 - UC-Santa Barbara Gauchos

UC-Santa Barbara seems like a fair enough institution. I've heard good things about their academic programs, and everybody has to like the uniqueness of a the nickname "Gauchos". For the record, a gaucho is a South American cowboy. So let's say that we changed the name of UCSB to "Cowboys" just for the purposes of this exercise. Would the above logo then make any sense to you? No. So don't try to give them the benefit of the doubt just because they have a chic nickname. This is just a bad logo; no two ways about it. The random sun in the upper-right corner, the faceless gaucho who only has eyes, the fact the that 'u' in "gauchos" looks like a second 'a', the blue ellipse in the background that serves no purpose other than to hide the faceless gaucho; I mean, there are a number of problems here. It'd be one thing if I were grading on a curve since their nickname was so creative, but I'm not. I just want a solid logo that doesn't look embarrassing to everyone associated with the university. Imagine if you were proud of your Gauchos and you had to show this to someone who didn't know a thing about the school. How big of a letdown would that be for them to see this? Come on, UCSB, you're better than that. Give one of your art students some of that hippie lettuce and see if they can't crank out something better.

~~ Lank

Something That Irritates Me: Old White People Who Don't Understand Rap

2009-12-08T20:29:00.002-05:00

The fact that this correction needed to be made explains my point in full. Sure, I could take a few more paragraphs to detail the disconnect between white Baby Boomers and hip-hop, but what's the point?

~~ Lank

Heroes of the Day: Veterans of the Attack on Pearl Harbor

2009-12-07T21:19:00.003-05:00

Much of the posts written on Skip To My Lank are lighthearted. Jokes fly, sarcasm is abound, and hopefully you get a smile every now and then from reading.

This isn't going to be one of those posts.

Without getting overly sentimental or trying to make anyone feel like a bad person, we just want to take a moment to recognize and remember those who were at Pearl Harbor when it was attacked on December 7th, 1941. Many lost their lives, many did not; but they all deserve our respect and admiration. Up until the horrible events of 9/11, nothing could match the devastation that was felt after the Japanese navy bombed away on the unsuspecting U.S. Naval base. Events such as these should never be forgotten, and anniversaries such as these remind us that we owe a huge debt to our military men and women, both past and present.

Service people, thank you for all that you do, have done, and will do. You are the backbone of this great nation, and we appreciate you.

~~ Lank, Skip, Baseball Mom, Willie P, Dirk, and Big Brother

Happy Birthday, Larry Legend

2009-12-07T21:06:00.000-05:00

Basketball Jesus turns 53 today. I'm just as surprised as you to learn that his birthday isn't actually December 25th. Oh well. Happy Birthday, Larry.

Did you really think I was going to leave without posting an Indiana State video? I mean, get serious. Rip 'em up, tear 'em up, give 'em hell, Trees.

~~ Lank

Dancing with the Stars Recap: Somebody Owes Me 20 Bucks

2009-12-07T21:05:00.001-05:00

I ain't gloatin', but didn't I say Donny would win that trophy? I'm just saying.

Anyway, last Tuesday, Donny Osmond was crowned the winner of season 9 of "Dancing with the Stars". It was a mild surprise, considering Mya had put up the best scores of the season week in and week out. However, Donny came on like a thoroughbred down the homestretch, so I guess it wasn't all too surprising that he won.

Especially since the majority of the voting demographic is right up his alley.

Real talk, one of the only reasons I'm writing this recap is because one of the members of said demographic, Baseball Mom, has been pestering me about it. It's not that I soured on the show or anything; it's just that I figured by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, everyone had heard the news. And since it was the last show and there were no more predictions for me to make, I figured there wasn't much of a post to be written.

Well, I have a few things to say (shocker):

-- Donny probably had the best partner of the season. Kym Johnson put together routines that benefited his strengths (showmanship, charisma, slow dances) and attempted to shy away from his weaknesses (quick steps, intricate routines). In a situation like the final, where he and Mya were so close, the difference between the partners made all the difference.

-- Allowing Donny to sing "Puppy Love" during Louie Vito and Chelsie Hightower's last dance was not fair. Once he showed off those pipes, all of the 45-60-year-old women in America fell in love with Donny again and would have voted for him even if he had fallen three times during the final dance...

(**note: as a reader pointed out, Donny sang "Puppy Love" on the results show after the dance finale, so voting was closed. Thus, it didn't affect the voting at all. My bad.**)

-- ...which he didn't. His final dance, a freestyle, was outstanding. The Broadway-themed routine accented his best assets as a dancer and shied away from his limits. If there was a dance that was perfectly crafted to its entertainer, this was it. Nicely done, Kym.

-- I felt bad for Kelly Osbourne. Yes, she was happy to be there so it's not like she was a huge disappointment; but she finished 3rd in everything that night. Mya and Donny were so far ahead of her that the thought of her winning never crossed anyone's mind. That's another reason I hoped Joanna would make the final instead of Kelly; at least there would have been a bit of doubt amongst the three as opposed to the two-horse race we got.

-- I understand that it's fun to bring back all of the season's contestants and allow them to dance one last time, but it was a bit much. There's a reason we voted them off: we didn't want to see them anymore (for the record, I never voted (no, really, I didn't; I swear), but I say 'we' because I felt like I was a part of the DWTS crowd this season. I watched every episode and made my predictions each week just like everyone else. So there). Having them in the crowd would have been enough; I didn't need to be inundated with their old performances again. Let the finalists have another go-'round instead.

-- Calling Baseball Mom after the verdict was handed down was essentially the same as calling her after she won the lottery. "DONNY WON!!!!! DONNY WON!!!! DONNY WON!!!!" was all I heard for about 2 minutes and 16 seconds. And you know what? That's definitely better than trying to think of a way to cheer her up had Mr. Osmond lost. "I love you, Mom" really wouldn't have meant much at that point.

-- Overall, I enjoyed the season. Will I watch the show again? Probably not. It's a huge time commitment with all of the episodes, so unless you have a horse in the race, it becomes monotonous. However, should any of my favorite celebrities get on a future season, I'll certainly check in. Regardless, I thought it was interesting to watch all of the routines come together and then see if they could be performed well on "show night". The celebrities seemed to work very hard and all of them were competitive about the contest. I liked it, I really did.

And with that, I'm handing in my "Dancing with the Stars" critic's pen. The season has been long and winding (I feel like I started watching back in June, to be honest), but certainly delivered some solid entertainment along the way. I'm glad Donny one because a.) I told you he would and b.) I can go home and see Baseball Mom without any unforeseen issues now.

As we all know, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #13

2009-12-07T20:48:00.003-05:00

#13 - Michigan Panthers

Ok, time for a little disclosure here: I have no idea what the Michigan Panthers are, nor which league they ever played in. Heck, I don't even know which sport they played. Let me check Wikipedia real quick...

...I'm back; thanks. Turns out, much like #14 on our list, the Panthers were also in the USFL. That's unfortunate; I'm losing more and more respect for that league by the minute. I mean, how do you let something like this logo pass through the ranks? Shouldn't a league executive step in at some point and say, "you know what, brown is a terrible dominant color for a logo, and it goes terribly with light blue."? Look, I know the 80s were a weird time in America and strange things happened. But I'm not buying that as an excuse for this logo. Just plain terrible. And what's with the breaks in the lines behind the Panther? Did they run out of money and had to cut the computer design team loose before they finished the job? This angers me; I'm outta here before I break something.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #14

2009-12-07T19:35:00.000-05:00

#14 - Memphis Showboats

Man, this is disappointing. Despite playing in one of the coolest leagues of all time (the USFL), and having one of the coolest nicknames of all time (the Showboats), Memphis came up way short in the logo department. Yes, I understand the logo; it's the ferry wheel of a showboat going down the Mississippi to represent the team's nickname. That doesn't change the fact that it's lame. How about a full-fledged ferry, or a couple of smokestacks? Why a freaking water wheel? For the record, I don't know if "ferry wheel" and "water wheel" are appropriate terms for whatever that thing is in the logo, but it just felt right each time. Heck, have a silhouette of a player on your team high-stepping into the end zone for all I care (get it, showboat?); just something other than this atrocity. Bad, Memphis. Just plain bad.

~~ Lank

Another Reason to be Nice to Grandma

2009-12-04T19:30:00.003-05:00

This story is just unbelievable. Literally. These guys are LIVING IN A CAVE. Keep in mind that the year is 2009, so cave-dwelling isn’t exactly en vogue these days. Once they get their $7 billion inheritance from Grandma, what are they going to do with it? I mean, seriously, they can’t have any idea how much anything costs or what type of expenses are required to maintain a certain lifestyle.

You know, because, again, they are LIVING IN A CAVE.

Do they even know how much $7 billion is? Because I know I don’t. Sure, I can say to myself, “Lank, seven billion dollars is seven-thousand-million dollars.” I can get the figure in my head, and do some quick calculations on what I could buy with that much cashola, but I honestly have no idea how to wrap my brain around $7 billion. Just for entertainment’s sake, here are a few things I think I’d be able to accomplish with that much money:

-- get a girlfriend (although, that’d defeat the purpose of being rich…so scratch that).

-- buy the Indiana Pacers.

-- start my own IndyCar Series team.

-- buy Baseball Mom and Willie P a sweet crib.

-- buy Skip lifetime sideline passes to Panthers games (I don’t know how this would work, but, again, I’d have $7 billion worth of leverage. I’m willing to drop a couple-hundred million on this alone, which may be enough to get rid of Jake Delhomme and Julius Peppers in the process. Maybe.)

-- get a Taco Bell built in my backyard, complete with full staff.

-- domesticate a grizzly bear to live in my house. He’d get his own room, by the way. And I’d name him George.

-- hire the cast of “Jersey Shore” to hang out with me until I die.

-- own a suite at The Wynn in Vegas so that whenever my friends and I were partying there (roughly 271 days per year), we’d have somewhere to change clothes before heading back to the tables.

-- hire the United States Navy to build a fighter jet called the “Lank 2-20”.

Those are all of the imperative tasks, I can think up the smaller ones later. I had to get the important ones out of the way first.

$7 billion dollars? My goodness, those dudes are about to live it up. An underrated quote in the article is when one of them says, “…no women would look at us living in a cave. But with money, maybe we can find a partner and finally have a normal life.” Guys, slow down. Really? You want to get that much money and then throw half of it away on some lady? Have you not been keeping up with the Tiger Woo…oh, that’s right, you live in cave. I forgot.

Well, at least now they won't have to rely on the income from the Geico commercials to pay the rent...er, whatever it is you have to pay for when you are LIVING IN A CAVE.

~~ Lank

Tiger Hides His Tale

2009-12-04T19:25:00.002-05:00

Yes, I stole this headline (and picture). But, honestly, it was just too good to pass up. Between Tiger Woods not choosing to reveal any information about his strange Thanksgiving night accident, and then choosing to lie about his affairs afterward, it was just too fitting a title.

Usually, Tiger does better with a bad lie (a-thank you; more to come).

Look, I’m not gonna sit here and talk about whether or not Tiger’s privacy is being invaded (it is), or whether he should be forced to talk about what transpires in his personal life (he shouldn’t), but I am gonna sit here and tell you that this story is funny to me. Not funny in a “oh, he cheated on his wife; that’s funny” type of way; but more in a “the details and stories that are emerging right now about Tiger’s situation make me laugh” sort of way.

Did you hear the message he left on girl #3’s voicemail? Hilarious. When you end a message of that nature by saying “Huge. Quickly. Bye.” that is funny. When you hear about an empty golf cart, with two golf clubs inside, being parked next to Tiger’s crashed Escalade, that’s funny.

By making it out of my driveway safely this morning, I outdrove Tiger Woods.

According to reports, when the police arrived, Tiger was barefoot and snoring on the street. Can you picture the richest athlete in the world barefoot and snoring on a blacktop? Again, funny. Some reports have even said that his mother and mother-in-law came outside to survey the scene once they heard the commotion. Not smooth, El Tigre; not at all.

Tiger hit a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between the iron and the wood.

The reports have gotten ridiculous now, with new “details” about alleged affairs popping up all over. And stuff about his wife hitting him with a golf club once she caught him texting another woman. Is any of it true? Who knows; I certainly don’t. Tiger doesn’t owe me any sort of explanation for what happened that night. I watch him because he’s a good golfer, not because I think he’s an exemplary human being. However, if he wanted to clear up any rumors or misconceptions about what went down that evening, his best way to do that would be to come out and tell everyone what happened. Sometimes the only way to kill a story is to tell the truth (see: Pettitte, Andy).

We know Tiger won’t do this, but with girls left and right coming out of the “Woodswork” to claim that they had some sort of relationship with him, it might be the only option he has to salvage a once sterling reputation.

~~ Lank

A Letter To Bobby Bowden

2009-11-30T19:30:00.005-05:00

Dear Bobby,

I got word today that you're retiring from Florida State after 34 seasons as head football coach. This makes me sad. Very sad. As a Florida State fan for as long as I can remember, I came to both admire and respect you. Even when your program came under investigation for improprieties, you held your head high and never tried to cover up anything. Your honesty and class as a person made you one of the more memorable personalities in college football history, and there is no doubt that you will never be forgotten -- by anyone.

Yes, in recent years, the results on the field have slumped and the impossible standard that you set in the 1990s -- 14 straight years with 10 wins and Top-5 finish in the polls -- came back to haunt you. No program in history has been able to achieve such things, yet for some reason, people (both FSU fans and non-FSU fans) expected you to maintain that standard forever. When you didn't, and let's face it, no one could, people began calling for your head. They said that you were too old, that the game had passed you by, and that some "new blood" was needed in Tallahassee. Personally, I refrained from any such talk because I knew, no matter what, you deserved to be the head football coach at Florida State University.

The accomplishments and accolades speak for themselves, but it was more than numbers with you. Your charm, class, and ability to maintain your belief in faith and family above all else, including football, made you a better person than football coach...which is saying something since you have the second-most wins in college football history. Your two national championships are fantastic, but the way you were always there to encourage players, tutor young coaches, and take the heat away from your assistants was even better. These are the things I will miss most; not the winning and titles (which will be missed as well, obviously), but the fact that I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that a man of class and integrity was leading my favorite program.

I hope you enjoy your retirement and all of the endeavors that follow your coaching career. I'm sure you will still make public appearances and the like, but I know you will take advantage of all the family time you will get now that the demands on your time are significantly decreased. I hope I'll still see you some, whether on TV for interviews or analysis, but in case I don't, let me just say thank you. Thank you for your accomplishments as a coach; thank you for your example as a person; and thank you for showing people how to do things the right way and stay loyal to who you are.

We will miss you, Bobby; far more than you'll miss any of us.

~~ Lank

Since I've Been Gone...

2009-11-30T19:16:00.001-05:00

As you may have noticed, I've been on sabbatical. It wasn't planned or anything, I just got busy playing video games, watching sports, and all of the other really important things that a 24-year-old must do. Rather than bombarding you with posts and articles on every little thing that I wanted to discuss in the past couple weeks, I'm just going to hit you with a list of things that are on my mind right now. Enjoy.

-- I love how Ireland has handled this whole Thierry Henry handball incident. I really do. First, they basically call out France for winning like a bunch of bums, and then challenge them to another match at the location of France's choice. Naturally, the French decline, but it was a good move on the Irish's part anyway. Second, the Irish government gets involved and asks FIFA to demand a rematch. FIFA doesn't, so the Irish are still out of luck, but still, it was a good move on their part. The answer is 'no' until you ask, right? Then, they ask FIFA to include them as the 33rd team in the World Cup. I mean, how ballsy can you get? "Hey FIFA, we know you have a 32-team tournament, but since a French guy cheated against us in the qualifying match, can you make us the 33rd team? Thanks." That's awesome. I have a newfound respect for the Irish. Not as much as I did after watching "Gangs of New York", but still.

-- By the way, Thierry Henry, you should be ashamed of yourself. Yes, I know it's the referees' job to officiate the game, but what soccer player intentionally sticks his hand out to stop a ball? That's got to be against the code of ethics. They put up with a lot in soccer; flops, arguing in the face of an official; elbows to the chest, etc. but handballs are the equivalent of diving at the knees in football. You just don't do it. That was lame, Henry. You're better than that.

-- After Brandon Jennings' scorching hot start (including scoring 55 in a game), the Milwaukee Bucks' rookie point guard has come back to Earth in a recent stretch of games. That's to be expected, though. Don't judge the kid based on what he did in his first ten games; judge him based on what you expected from he and the other rookies. What he's doing is amazing. I guarantee you New York wishes they had him right now. How's Jordan Hill doing? Just wondering.

-- Go see "The Blind Side". It was terrific.

-- I'll get to Tiger...but he's getting his own post. No, I'm not holding back.

-- Colt McCoy now deserves the Heisman. After his next-level performance against Texas A&M and Mark Ingram's bad day against Auburn, McCoy has proven to be "The Most Outstanding Player in the United States of America" or whatever it says on the Heisman Trophy.

-- I keep waiting for my beloved Indianapolis Colts to lose one of these games and they never do. Not that I'm complaining. I'll leave that to the embattled Panthers fans so near and dear to me.

-- Joe Mauer and Albert Pujols were the two most obvious choices for MVP in their respective leagues that I can ever remember. The guy who voted for Miguel Cabrera instead of Mauer should be waterboarded.

-- Rain delays suck. I've been trying to play my kickball playoff games for three weeks now, but we've yet to play a single inning. We even got rained out again earlier tonight. I think I've forgotten some of the rules at this point.

-- Ok, NFL, we get it. Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson were in the wrong for their performance 6 years ago. But why do you have to give us The Who at halftime of this season's Super Bowl to drive home the point? Way to appeal to your younger audience...or alive audience, I should say. I think only like one original member of The Who is still alive. Heck, Wu-Tang Clan has 8 out of 9 still tickin'!! I want justice.

-- I'm REALLY glad that the IndyCar Series got IZOD to sign on as a title sponsor. It generates a lot of money for the series, sure; but the exposure and marketing angles are even more important than the cashola. My series may be saved yet!

-- After watching some teams play and doing some research, it's obvious that the only two good teams in college basketball this year are Kansas and Texas. That's the list. By "good" I mean "capable of winning the national championship." If you were to give me those two while you took the field, I'd probably make that bet with you. Only if you let me get Florida State, too. Obviously.

-- 'Moo's pissed at me for not getting more logos up. I think my countdown is still in neutral at #14 or something. They'll be finished soon.

-- I really wanted to punch Tim Legler when he wrote in an ESPN.com Daily Dime article that the Spurs would not make the playoffs this year. Really, Tim? Are you willing to be ANYTHING on that? It's such a silly proclamation.

-- After seeing the Raptors in person, I'm demoting them on my "favorite teams to watch list". The Spurs and Pacers are numbers 1 and 2 for the 20th year in a row, but the Sacramento Kings have now slid into the 3-spot. They have a young team that plays hard, and I really like watching Tyreke Evans play, so slide me a purple and black shirt if you're feeling generous. Go get 'em, Kings.

-- The Patriots look to knock off the undefeated Saints tonight in New Orleans...and I'm taking the Patriots. That banged-up secondary is finally going to catch up with the Saints. Although, that's what I said about the Colts when they played New Orleans, too. Oh well, whatever. Pats 34, Saints 28.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #15

2009-11-16T23:30:00.002-05:00

#15 - Sioux Falls SkyForce

This is gonna be brief for a few reasons: 1.) I'm headed out to buy Assassin's Creed II at midnight, 2.) I wasted all of my time up until this point watching Dancing with the Stars and House, and 3.) it's a freakin' NBADL logo. Not that I have any hate in my heart for the League's developmental league, but they're just not very sharp when it comes to logos. Not to be overlooked is the fact that this is a professional sports team in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Sorry, I just felt like you might gloss over that fact without fully comprehending it. I don't know what a "SkyForce" is, I have no idea why the basketball is apparently a comet, and I don't know why they thought it'd be cute to throw a '4' in between the 'y' and 'f' in 'SkyForce' to emphasize the pronunciation of the term. Get it, SkyFource? Lame, right? Yeah, I thought so, too. Even the colors are bland in this logo. Basically, out of the 17-point checklist that goes through my head immediately when I view a logo, only about 3 got crossed off for this one. It's a bad logo, plain and simple. Ok, I'm done; I'm gonna go kill some bad guys...in a fantasy world, obviously.

~~ Lank

Colts, That Was Crazy

2009-11-16T00:24:00.005-05:00

Warning: this might be the most disjointed, tangential post I've written since the NBA Draft live-blog.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, let's get started. I just got finished watching the Indianapolis Colts beat the New England Patriots in one of the best regular season games I've ever seen. Sure, the Bill Belichick decision will cause great debate in the coming weeks (it was one of the worst decisions I can remember seeing, for the record), but just the drama of the game was superb. I love the Colts wholeheartedly, but for about 3.5 quarters, the Patriots were giving them the business. They went up and down the field at will, with Tom Brady exploiting the banged-up Colts secondary to the tune of 375 yards and 3 TDs. Randy Moss showed everyone why he's still one of the best receivers in the league, carving up the Colts for 179 and 2. It was just a great show of football for the Pats.

But, somehow, the Colts won.

After a few turnovers and fortunate turns in momentum, Indy was able to make play after play in the 4th quarter on both sides of the ball to squeak out the victory. I'd have to go back and look at specific plays, but I remember holding New England to a field goal to make a 31-21 game a 34-21 game, keeping things within two possessions. Then, after the offense went down the field in less than two minutes to make it 34-28, the Colts defense did not allow New England to get a first down (though, the Pats got about 9.87591 yards). Bill Belichick's decision to go for it on 4th and 2 from their own 28 in this sequence is about as bad as it gets. From there, Peyton Manning his Reggie Wayne for a few yards, let Joseph Addai run to the goal line, and then hit Wayne again with an absolute strike for the tying points with less than 15 seconds to go. Matt Stover's extra point put the Colts ahead 35-34, completing a 17-point comeback with 21 points in the 4th quarter.

Sitting here, nearly an hour later, I can't really describe my feelings during the game. I was pissed for a large portion of it since we refused to cover Moss with any help for our young corners (yes, I realize I'm waffling between "they" and "we" when discussing the Colts, but that's what happens when I get worked up), we couldn't tackle, and we looked out of synch on offense. It was just maddening, to be honest. I was watching the game with my neighbor and he was essentially laughing at me because the Colts were playing so poorly. When it got to be 31-14 early in the 4th, he kept telling me it was over, but I refused to believe it. Partially because I'm stubborn, but partially because we'd shown enough pluck that if we could just manage a play or two on the ensuing drives, we'd be right back in it.

It turns out, I was justified in my faith. The Colts, as I mentioned before, made several huge plays on both sides of the ball and pulled out the come-from-behind victory. My frustration from earlier had transitioned to joy/relief/disbelief/excitement/amazement/silence/loudness at what had just transpired. I really didn't know what to do. It's one of those situations where you say to yourself, "ok, if we can just get a stop here and make it a 10-point game, we're in good shape," and "hey, we just made another play, we might actually pull this off," and then the next thing you know, it actually happened. It seems that whenever I actually give myself a laundry list of things that need to happen in order for the game to be ours, my teams don't normally pull it out. It's just hard to get that many things to fall into place. But when they actually do, man is it sweet.

Tomorrow, I'll be a little frustrated still. Despite the victory, we were outplayed by New England and looked like the inferior team for 3.5 quarters. It's not the best scenario to be down 31-14 in the 4th and depend on a legendary comeback for the win. Yes, we did it (on a grander scale, actually) to win the AFC Title game in 2006 against these same Patriots, but it's not a habit I want to get into. However, that being said, I think it shows a lot of resilience on the part of the Colts to get the win. Just a crazy game, a crazy ending, and so many subplots throughout.

Ok, I'm gonna go try to sleep now, but the chances are good that I'll be up for another two hours trying to figure out what just happened. Sheesh.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #16

2009-11-15T23:58:00.003-05:00

#16 - Columbia Lions

I just got finished watching the Colts take down the Patriots in thrilling fashion (more on that in a minute), so I don't really have much to say about this logo. I just think there's entirely too much going on in it. Yes, Columbia, we realize that you're in New York City and you take pride in that; but how much is too much? How many NYC landmarks can you squeeze in to one logo? And what's up with that lion's tail swinging all the way around his body? This is just kinda silly looking, to be honest. Not a fan at all. That's all I have. I'm still giddy.

~~ Lank

My Top 25 Poll: November 15th

2009-11-15T12:49:00.003-05:00

We're getting closer and closer to the end of the year, and the undefeated teams are still fairly large in number. Considering most of them are from different conferences, there's a distinct possibility that we'll have several undefeated teams at the end of the season. The good news is that two of those undefeateds could possibly be mid-major teams, so their argument for a title is pretty flimsy. We all know what happens when Boise State plays in a bowl game. However, the interesting thing will be to see what happens with Cincinnati. They have a pretty good resume, but the stigma of playing in the Big East will likely catch up to them should the SEC winner and Texas both go undefeated. I say all that to say this: enjoy my Top 25 this week.

1.) Florida

2.) Texas

3.) Alabama

4.) TCU

5.) Cincinnati

6.) Boise State

7.) Georgia Tech

8.) Ohio State

9.) Oregon

10.) Pittsburgh

11.) LSU

12.) Iowa

13.) Wisconsin

14.) Penn State

15.) Oklahoma State

16.) Stanford

17.) USC

18.) North Carolina

19.) Virginia Tech

20.) Clemson

21.) Miami (FL)

22.) Arizona

23.) Oregon State

24.) Utah

25.) BYU

It appears that nobody wanted to be ranked today outside of Stanford and North Carolina. If you look at last week's rankings, 6 of the Top 20 lost on Saturday to teams ranked below them. Yeesh. These things have a way of sorting themselves out, though, so we'll see what goes down next week.

~~ Lank

The 30 Worst Sports Logos of All Time: #17

2009-11-14T14:22:00.002-05:00

#17 - Detroit Pros

This is a pretty bad logo. What's worse, though, is that I had to do some research to figure out in which league the Detroit Pros actually play. The answer? The International Basketball League (IBL), which is a minor league below even the CBA. I don't know any other teams in the IBL, I just know that as I was perusing LogoShak, I stumbled across this terrible logo. Look at the colors. I mean, what is that? Gold and orange? Were they trying to save on jersey costs by only wearing one color or something? They have a huge basketball as their backdrop and then a smaller ball with the same design as the 'o' in 'Pros'. None of this makes sense to me. I realize it's a minor league, but that doesn't mean you have to have a minor league logo. No good, Detroit; no good.

~~ Lank